scardy cat
Member
Hey all,
How's it going?
This turned into a book. So sorry! I'm scaring myself and over reacting... oy vey!
So, there's something seriously wrong with me! I'm constantly distracted. I forget stuff that doesn't make sense to forget like my SS#! And I can't snap out of the fog. I'm no longer witty, and can't hold a real conversation (it's getting better... slightly). I'm literally just floating by. stuff has stopped making sense. Words don't make sense. Phrases and idioms stop making sense. Things I've been doing for years, like driving, gets confusing at times. Like Stop All the Way signs. I get caught up in what stop all the way really means. a car slightly jerking and appearing to stop isn't stopping. Pushing the food pedal down enough to break so that's Stop All the Way, but why do other cars wait at the sign for soooo long! Or am I the one breaking the law (i'm very by the book.. it sickens me.) I'm wound up so tight but I'm not uptight at the same time. I'm so hard on myself and take life too serious, I've been told. I'm just ambitious! right? Anyways, it seems like everything is JACKED UP in my brain! I tear down everything to it's core till it doesn't make sense. What is wrong with me?! I'm honestly scared to bring all of this up to a professional! Oh, and I don't know how to communicate correctly anymore so it won't be effective anyways
But I do have a past. I have hypersomnia / excessive daytime sleepiness. Sounds made up, I know. But I have fragmented sleep patter which results in sleepiness. I've been on stimulants for a year or so now (dexedrine up until now, Adderral now) and different kinds of sleep aids try (3 times total or so) to keep my brain less active. I've been treated on and off for depression, but I never lasted long on pills because depression is not my issue! (unless I'm that screwed up that I can't see it... which could be... my house is filthy n can't clean).
I started a new job 4 months ago and all my 'issues' have just been on overload. I think my issues are Anxiety!! And I've just been misdiagnosed all this time. Some examples, if any of this sounds familiar -
Can't hold a conversation with new co-workers - I say stuff that doesn't make any sense. Can't respond with a witty combat on the spot. They probably think i'm a total spaz. No one really talks to me and I guess it's cause I'm awkward as hell! I feel like I need to study a script prior to all conversation in order to avoid sounding like an idiot. It's so bad. It kills my confidence and I retreat and become more introverted. But the ME I know gets along with everyone she meets and everyone loves me! Always! I've always been dorky and awkward and I've never had a problem 'fitting in'. But I don't blame them for not talkign to me. I don't seem to be able to pay attention. I'm not sure what my facial expression is like, but I think they can tell that I'm not really there.
So now I'm overly aware of everything, since i keep forgetting stuff and so spastic by this point, and everythign around me is so unorganized (nothing too new there!), that I've become overly OCD-ish. I always lose my keys in my purse, so I'm constantly checking to make sure i've got the keys in the right pocket on the purse so I can find it later.... because fumbling for keys in public (even if no one is around) makes me extra skittish. WHAT'S UP WITH THAT if anyone can relate
It's like annoying situation have been turned into panic situations. Paying at the register, worst if I'm with someone else because I never know if someone is supposed to b treating and to me, that confrontation is too much to think about, so I pull out my car to pay to avoid the whole little 'oh, I was going to treat, you dind't have to pay', hate that scene!!!! looking for keys, looking for cash in purse. SIMPLE THINGS, little mistakes at work (like stapling a document crooked) makes me frantic. And the worst part is that I don't mean for my initial reaction to appear frantic. I know it's not the end of the world, and mentally I'm really not as crazy as my reactions! I literally have to try and talk myself down! It's the weirdest thing! Makes no sense!
I feel hypnotized / zombie-ish. I keep thinking i'll snap out of it... but it's been over a year... so literally, I've lost that year. unopened mail cause I'm waiting to get out of this fog. Haven't learned important phone numbers and extensions, because I keep telling myself I'm in a "rough patch" which is why I can't remember #s.
The list can go on!!! But I doubt anyone will get to the bottom!!
Again, symptoms got to this point after the new job which i'm not happy at and the symptoms are bringing on a quarter-life crisis which I can hardly handle! It scares me to the point where I stop paying bills, opening mail, tense up at doing anything that classifies me 'an adult'.
How's it going?
This turned into a book. So sorry! I'm scaring myself and over reacting... oy vey!
So, there's something seriously wrong with me! I'm constantly distracted. I forget stuff that doesn't make sense to forget like my SS#! And I can't snap out of the fog. I'm no longer witty, and can't hold a real conversation (it's getting better... slightly). I'm literally just floating by. stuff has stopped making sense. Words don't make sense. Phrases and idioms stop making sense. Things I've been doing for years, like driving, gets confusing at times. Like Stop All the Way signs. I get caught up in what stop all the way really means. a car slightly jerking and appearing to stop isn't stopping. Pushing the food pedal down enough to break so that's Stop All the Way, but why do other cars wait at the sign for soooo long! Or am I the one breaking the law (i'm very by the book.. it sickens me.) I'm wound up so tight but I'm not uptight at the same time. I'm so hard on myself and take life too serious, I've been told. I'm just ambitious! right? Anyways, it seems like everything is JACKED UP in my brain! I tear down everything to it's core till it doesn't make sense. What is wrong with me?! I'm honestly scared to bring all of this up to a professional! Oh, and I don't know how to communicate correctly anymore so it won't be effective anyways
But I do have a past. I have hypersomnia / excessive daytime sleepiness. Sounds made up, I know. But I have fragmented sleep patter which results in sleepiness. I've been on stimulants for a year or so now (dexedrine up until now, Adderral now) and different kinds of sleep aids try (3 times total or so) to keep my brain less active. I've been treated on and off for depression, but I never lasted long on pills because depression is not my issue! (unless I'm that screwed up that I can't see it... which could be... my house is filthy n can't clean
). I started a new job 4 months ago and all my 'issues' have just been on overload. I think my issues are Anxiety!! And I've just been misdiagnosed all this time. Some examples, if any of this sounds familiar -
Can't hold a conversation with new co-workers - I say stuff that doesn't make any sense. Can't respond with a witty combat on the spot. They probably think i'm a total spaz. No one really talks to me and I guess it's cause I'm awkward as hell! I feel like I need to study a script prior to all conversation in order to avoid sounding like an idiot. It's so bad. It kills my confidence and I retreat and become more introverted. But the ME I know gets along with everyone she meets and everyone loves me! Always! I've always been dorky and awkward and I've never had a problem 'fitting in'. But I don't blame them for not talkign to me. I don't seem to be able to pay attention. I'm not sure what my facial expression is like, but I think they can tell that I'm not really there.
So now I'm overly aware of everything, since i keep forgetting stuff and so spastic by this point, and everythign around me is so unorganized (nothing too new there!), that I've become overly OCD-ish. I always lose my keys in my purse, so I'm constantly checking to make sure i've got the keys in the right pocket on the purse so I can find it later.... because fumbling for keys in public (even if no one is around) makes me extra skittish. WHAT'S UP WITH THAT if anyone can relate
It's like annoying situation have been turned into panic situations. Paying at the register, worst if I'm with someone else because I never know if someone is supposed to b treating and to me, that confrontation is too much to think about, so I pull out my car to pay to avoid the whole little 'oh, I was going to treat, you dind't have to pay', hate that scene!!!! looking for keys, looking for cash in purse. SIMPLE THINGS, little mistakes at work (like stapling a document crooked) makes me frantic. And the worst part is that I don't mean for my initial reaction to appear frantic. I know it's not the end of the world, and mentally I'm really not as crazy as my reactions! I literally have to try and talk myself down! It's the weirdest thing! Makes no sense!
I feel hypnotized / zombie-ish. I keep thinking i'll snap out of it... but it's been over a year... so literally, I've lost that year. unopened mail cause I'm waiting to get out of this fog. Haven't learned important phone numbers and extensions, because I keep telling myself I'm in a "rough patch" which is why I can't remember #s.
The list can go on!!! But I doubt anyone will get to the bottom!!
Again, symptoms got to this point after the new job which i'm not happy at and the symptoms are bringing on a quarter-life crisis which I can hardly handle! It scares me to the point where I stop paying bills, opening mail, tense up at doing anything that classifies me 'an adult'.
