when girls say they dont talk to strangers...
- Thread starter no1
- Start date
Tree Branch
It either means that they don't want to talk to you, or that they don't talk to people they don't know in certain situations. That question is really hard to answer because it's so vague.
It either means that they don't want to talk to you, or that they don't talk to people they don't know in certain situations. That question is really hard to answer because it's so vague.
no1
Banned
I guess... it might be because I showed some insecurity or I didn't do it quickly enough. But hey I don't think all girls should be so judgmental.
Like... it probably would've seemed more natural if I would've said hello when we first made eye contact, or I didn't make her feel nervous (hey sometimes I can seem involuntarily nervous, and why do people always have to reflect whatever you give off?) Instead it kinda seemed like I had to think about it before saying hello. or I needed to be louder? I dont know. I dont usually like to be TOO loud because people like to not say anything back. hell I dont say anything at all most of the time because people won't say hi back.
Like... it probably would've seemed more natural if I would've said hello when we first made eye contact, or I didn't make her feel nervous (hey sometimes I can seem involuntarily nervous, and why do people always have to reflect whatever you give off?) Instead it kinda seemed like I had to think about it before saying hello. or I needed to be louder? I dont know. I dont usually like to be TOO loud because people like to not say anything back. hell I dont say anything at all most of the time because people won't say hi back.
no1
Banned
I am sinister or they have a sinister outlook of things? Wheres the harm in a little hello? Do they think I'm going to stalk them or be some kind of person to try and harm them?
Damn crazy world we live in where people can't even warm up to each other. Instead we have the concept of "strangers" etc. and SA.
SickJoke
Well-known member
First of all you have to remember that you can't change other people, so all those "I don't think girls should..." and "Why can't people..." won't do you any good.
What you can do is change the way you interact with people. I don't know the specifics, but it seems like you approached a girl and made an effort. That's commendable of you. Here are some things you can do to make the transition smoother:
1. If you make eye contact, smile - this lets her know that you're not threatening.
2. When you approach, don't walk straight towards her - it'll make her feel uncomfortable. Rather, approach from an angle. They give this same advice for approaching horses. The fact is, we're all mammals, and we all feel discomfort when someone walks straight toward us.
3. When you get near her, talk to her over your shoulder, as if you're about to walk away. If the conversation lasts for a couple minutes, then you can turn and face her directly.
Your over analizing the situation,I do this all the time.What you have to consider is......Is this girl of great importance to your life.......I'm guessing probably not.....will you ever see her again, who knows.Try to just think to yourself oh well better luck next time.Easier said than done,trust me i know But it is possible to retrain your thoughts to be more possitive and beneficial.I hope this helps.
no1
Banned
nah she wasn't trying to be funny or make a joke she seriously wanted me to gtf away. she was being really loud and making me look like an idiot... and I was just sorta laughing it off and not taking it too seriously but I had to respect her and left and told her it's nothing personal. again she just said "I DONT CARE JUST GET AWAY FROM ME!!!"
it all started with just a simple hey, as I was sitting next to her waiting for the train. she didn't answer and just looked very serious. so then I said "do you like it when people randomly say hi to you?"
she said "no". I was like "oh... people always say that in other countries it's different. people say hi to each other and are more friendly"
then she said "not over here in downtown miami" and she said it really loudly and like in a way that would make it seem like she wanted me to feel stupid.
so I said "ok ok..."
about 5 seconds later I asked "could I ask you a question?" she said "no I don't want to talk to you." but then I just continued and asked her "do I ahve to just appear more confident?"
she said "no I just dont talk to strangers." I said "ok.. so it's like that then". Some girls around me just started to laugh, and I commented and said "well I'm a stranger. I'm strange. Girls seem wicked when you're a stranger. Girls seem wicked when you're strange"...
I waved at them and said "good bye".
Then I walked past them again and I felt like I just wantd to tell the girl 'hey it's nothing personal ok"
and she pretty much shouted "JUST LEAVE ME ALONE AND GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!"
I was just like "damn ok, I was doing that anyway, peace"
maybe it just seemed like I was patronizing her there.
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no1
Banned
Maybe I should have been more serious when she first mentioned it.
Maybe she was having a bad day.
Maybe I shouldn't have been trying to be too happy, or whatever.
Now I feel like an ass, or an idiot.
I'm sorry.
I might have to from now on just keep in mind that it's possible that the person might be having a bad day. And not appear as if I don't care or am laughing at them. Even though I'm not laughing at them. But how else do you keep your appearance of happiness?
Maybe she was having a bad day.
Maybe I shouldn't have been trying to be too happy, or whatever.
Now I feel like an ass, or an idiot.
I'm sorry.
I might have to from now on just keep in mind that it's possible that the person might be having a bad day. And not appear as if I don't care or am laughing at them. Even though I'm not laughing at them. But how else do you keep your appearance of happiness?
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SickJoke
Well-known member
Nice field report. Let's break it down
When she didn't answer, are you sure she heard you? You gotta be loud. You would think that talking loudly would scare someone, but actually it shows confidence. Talking quietly is creepy.
That's good stuff, I like that opener.
Maybe she's just loud. Try not to interpret things negatively. You gotta have thick skin.
Never say "can I ask you a question?" because that itself is a question. You can say "let me ask you something" or you could just ask the question straightforward. Also don't ask strangers to critique your personality, asking her if you should appear more confident is kinda creepy.
You called yourself strange, that's self defeating and negative. People want to be around positive people. You also called girls wicked
now they definitely won't want you around.You were way too serious with her. Be more upbeat and playful. But congrats for making the approach, that takes balls. And thanks for the field report, it was interesting
no1
Banned
I dont know why I have to come off as so intimidating... I try not to be. I have been getting nervous and involuntarily so it seems as well. people think it's so easy. It's become like second nature to feel this way, and act this way (ie timid, anxious, nervous, etc.)
I did say hi loud enough.
I wasn't going to shout HEY.
But yea most of the time I'm even not too loud because I'm tired, and/or nervous that if I say it loud enough and people hear me saying hi, and she doesn't answer me back, or I'm saying hi in the wrong way like I'm trying too hard, etc.it will be awkward to say in the least.
I did say hi loud enough.
I wasn't going to shout HEY.
But yea most of the time I'm even not too loud because I'm tired, and/or nervous that if I say it loud enough and people hear me saying hi, and she doesn't answer me back, or I'm saying hi in the wrong way like I'm trying too hard, etc.it will be awkward to say in the least.
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Yeah i agree exactly with what you said here. Its sad how societys set up so I feel disconected with everyone. It wouldnt feel right to just say hi to a girl ive never seen, in a random place, not just because im shy, but because thats not acceptable to most people. It seems Its only acceptable to most people do that in a pub or club or some other place like that (where i never am for socializing) If it was more acceptable and there were no barriers like that it would feel easier to get round the shyness in a situation like that. And also because of the fact i dont know if im attractive to the particular girl, i dont know if shed want me to do that, or want me to make eye contact and smile, which id find hard to do anyway, mainly for that reason.
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Anubis
Well-known member
Did you say you were in downtown Miami? Maybe that's the problem. Since women are typically the physically weaker sex, some naturally get nervous when a random male initiates conversation with them in the street. Add even more nervousness if it's happening during the night. There's just way too many shady people who hang out around downtown.
Try initiating more conversations in safe-zones, i.e. Grocery store, Bank, etc. Even inside the train would have been a better place to initiate small-talk I think.
But it was a good effort nonetheless.
Try initiating more conversations in safe-zones, i.e. Grocery store, Bank, etc. Even inside the train would have been a better place to initiate small-talk I think.
But it was a good effort nonetheless.
People are Strange
That girl just seems stupid. If someone says "I don't talk to stranger" then you should probably just stop talking to them. I don't know who says that anyways. I don't think most people say that, and it probably isn't going to happen that often. There are A LOT of weird people in this world, and to meet the good ones you are going to have to get through some of the annoying ones too. Just keep it up, and you'll find someone better. I think you actually did pretty well overall. If someone was talking to me like that I would never react like that, I would just be really really scared, but I would still try to reply best I could.
Did you mean "Women seem wicked when you're unwanted"?
That girl just seems stupid. If someone says "I don't talk to stranger" then you should probably just stop talking to them. I don't know who says that anyways. I don't think most people say that, and it probably isn't going to happen that often. There are A LOT of weird people in this world, and to meet the good ones you are going to have to get through some of the annoying ones too. Just keep it up, and you'll find someone better. I think you actually did pretty well overall. If someone was talking to me like that I would never react like that, I would just be really really scared, but I would still try to reply best I could.
Did you mean "Women seem wicked when you're unwanted"?
Doors fan?
Doorbells.
Maybe (;. It just sounds cooler anyways. Yes, who am I kidding I am in love with them. I'm even wearing their shirt right now.
Maybe (;. It just sounds cooler anyways. Yes, who am I kidding I am in love with them. I'm even wearing their shirt right now.