When You Feel Observed and Scrutinized

L

lonerism

Well-known member
As a person who has been cursed with this awful social-anxiety disorder - I continue to struggle mightily with many forms of "excess" scrutiny - particularly if that scrutiny appears to be negative in nature. I mean, the last thing that we SAD sufferers want or need are tangible signs that we somehow "stand out" because of our condition; that there is something about us that raises people's antennae to the point where they are compelled to look at us more closely - or an a more prolonged manner - than they otherwise would. Yet - that is exactly what I often seem to get; extra scrutiny of a negative or "suspicious" nature. I generally have a horrible time coping with this unfair scrutiny - coping with the fact that my misfortunes in life seem to lead to a more difficult time in public as far as absorbing the "penetrating gazes" of others.

Of course, this scrutiny only exacerbates the symptoms of my SAD, and leads to intense unpleasant feelings of frustration and indignation. I can feel defeated...a victim of a cruel reality where I seem to encounter the very thing that I dread. I mean, here I am - trying to venture out into the world - only to encounter such discouraging "feedback" from people. No wonder I'm so reclusive.

I seem to internalize such reactions from others in an awful way - I seem to allow it to "define" me to a certain extent. And I feel resentful that people are rude enough and/or paranoid enough to openly regard me so harshly and/or suspiciously. When you have the problems that I do, it seems that you often get the worst of people - their rudeness, their wariness, their standoffishness, etc..

Can anyone relate? Do you feel that your problems often attract extra scrutiny? Do you encounter situations in which you feel uncomfortably observed? Do you think that people are sometimes more suspicious of you because of your anxiety, awkwardness, "quietness", etc.? Any examples of such situations?
 
theoutsider

theoutsider

Well-known member
I can definitely relate. It's a discouraging and frustrating cycle. The more determined you try to be to push yourself to be a part of the regular world, the more instances you have where your SA stands out. The more your SA stands out, the more rejection you face from the very people you are struggling to socialize with. That said, you can't let it define you. The silver lining to having SA is that you know yourself more than most people know themselves because you have had to face your condition and determine what has caused it. That self knowledge is what has kept others' rudeness from defeating me. I know that I am a good person. I know that I am witty, funny, passionate, caring, etc etc, even if SA has muted those traits when it comes to sharing with others. I look at their condescending glares, scrutiny and rudeness as their own misunderstandings and shortcomings since they don't bother to see what's beneath the surface. I also stopped looking to fit in and seeking their approval. It makes for a far smaller social circle but a happier and more at peace person.
 
THeCARS1979

THeCARS1979

Well-known member
lonerism said:
As a person who has been cursed with this awful social-anxiety disorder - I continue to struggle mightily with many forms of "excess" scrutiny - particularly if that scrutiny appears to be negative in nature. I mean, the last thing that we SAD sufferers want or need are tangible signs that we somehow "stand out" because of our condition; that there is something about us that raises people's antennae to the point where they are compelled to look at us more closely - or an a more prolonged manner - than they otherwise would. Yet - that is exactly what I often seem to get; extra scrutiny of a negative or "suspicious" nature. I generally have a horrible time coping with this unfair scrutiny - coping with the fact that my misfortunes in life seem to lead to a more difficult time in public as far as absorbing the "penetrating gazes" of others.

Of course, this scrutiny only exacerbates the symptoms of my SAD, and leads to intense unpleasant feelings of frustration and indignation. I can feel defeated...a victim of a cruel reality where I seem to encounter the very thing that I dread. I mean, here I am - trying to venture out into the world - only to encounter such discouraging "feedback" from people. No wonder I'm so reclusive.

I seem to internalize such reactions from others in an awful way - I seem to allow it to "define" me to a certain extent. And I feel resentful that people are rude enough and/or paranoid enough to openly regard me so harshly and/or suspiciously. When you have the problems that I do, it seems that you often get the worst of people - their rudeness, their wariness, their standoffishness, etc..

Can anyone relate? Do you feel that your problems often attract extra scrutiny? Do you encounter situations in which you feel uncomfortably observed? Do you think that people are sometimes more suspicious of you because of your anxiety, awkwardness, "quietness", etc.? Any examples of such situations?
Click to expand...


Yes i can relate also. it used to be kinda bad, things have gotten better with but still
 
Livemylife

Livemylife

Well-known member
lonerism said:
Can anyone relate? Do you feel that your problems often attract extra scrutiny? Do you encounter situations in which you feel uncomfortably observed? Do you think that people are sometimes more suspicious of you because of your anxiety, awkwardness, "quietness", etc.? Any examples of such situations?
Click to expand...

Yes, I do feel like people hone in on me. I've asked myself WHY numerous times. Is it my race? Is it my appearance? Is it my demeanor or quietness? I truly don't understand. And I'm slowly but surely realizing I'll NEVER truly understand. The most likely reason is just being socially clueless and aloof causes idiots to watch me. And yes, I certainly believe I am being watched. The shame is that I am aware I'm being watched. I'm not supposed to know that I'm being watched, but me being me, of course I will pick up on such things. I think about all kinds of stuff, why wouldn't I think about someone who is blatantly watching me? My new strategy is to try to focus my attention on other things. Sometimes I literally turn my head or move my body so the person watching me is out of focus, making it easier for me to stop thinking about them. The most important thing is for me to not spend time thinking about how I am being watched and scrutinized. It's a waste of energy and time.
 
Xervello

Xervello

Well-known member
lonerism said:
As a person who has been cursed with this awful social-anxiety disorder - I continue to struggle mightily with many forms of "excess" scrutiny - particularly if that scrutiny appears to be negative in nature. I mean, the last thing that we SAD sufferers want or need are tangible signs that we somehow "stand out" because of our condition; that there is something about us that raises people's antennae to the point where they are compelled to look at us more closely - or an a more prolonged manner - than they otherwise would. Yet - that is exactly what I often seem to get; extra scrutiny of a negative or "suspicious" nature. I generally have a horrible time coping with this unfair scrutiny - coping with the fact that my misfortunes in life seem to lead to a more difficult time in public as far as absorbing the "penetrating gazes" of others.

Of course, this scrutiny only exacerbates the symptoms of my SAD, and leads to intense unpleasant feelings of frustration and indignation. I can feel defeated...a victim of a cruel reality where I seem to encounter the very thing that I dread. I mean, here I am - trying to venture out into the world - only to encounter such discouraging "feedback" from people. No wonder I'm so reclusive.

I seem to internalize such reactions from others in an awful way - I seem to allow it to "define" me to a certain extent. And I feel resentful that people are rude enough and/or paranoid enough to openly regard me so harshly and/or suspiciously. When you have the problems that I do, it seems that you often get the worst of people - their rudeness, their wariness, their standoffishness, etc..

Can anyone relate? Do you feel that your problems often attract extra scrutiny? Do you encounter situations in which you feel uncomfortably observed? Do you think that people are sometimes more suspicious of you because of your anxiety, awkwardness, "quietness", etc.? Any examples of such situations?
Click to expand...


Very well written post. :thumbup: I share some, or a lot, of what you described. Hyperawareness of others is both exhausting and debilitating. I don't react to it as negatively as you, but it effects me greatly all the same. Probably because my shyness is so apparent that I feel a lot of adults pick up on it and are extra nice to me/pity me for it. Which, if I were in my 20's I'd probably loathe (which is maybe what you're talking about?) but at this point in my 30's I'll take whatever I can get. I rarely go out anyway, so it's not that much of an issue these days. But I have my share of awkward, embarrassing stories. You're not alone there. I applaud you for trying though. Just gotta keep at it, or risk becoming a hermit like moi.
 
Sacrament

Sacrament

Well-known member
You feel scrutinized and observed/judged because you're stuck inside your own negative thinking patterns. As soon as you deliberately step outside of yourself and notice not only that you're not as important so as to everyone be judging you (people are too busy thinking about their own things) but also that you are just as normal as everyone else, things get easier. You feel the way you do because you haven't tamed your thoughts. It's not even a matter of taming them, because the fight-or-flight response will keep analyzing things and letting you know of all possible "dangers" (dangers that don't really exist but that were real to our ancestors); it's your reaction to your thoughts that ultimately dictates the way you act. Instead of thinking of all the reasons why those negative things are happening, flip things around and think of all the reasons why the opposite could be happening (no one is judging you, people are just looking for the sake of looking - same way you are -, and just like you're so inwardly focused, so is everyone else), etc.

Also -- and I've said this in another thread -- by assuming that others are judging your every move and physical aspect, you are the one who's judging.
 
MotherWolff

MotherWolff

Banned
lonerism said:
As a person who has been cursed with this awful social-anxiety disorder - I continue to struggle mightily with many forms of "excess" scrutiny - particularly if that scrutiny appears to be negative in nature. I mean, the last thing that we SAD sufferers want or need are tangible signs that we somehow "stand out" because of our condition; that there is something about us that raises people's antennae to the point where they are compelled to look at us more closely - or an a more prolonged manner - than they otherwise would. Yet - that is exactly what I often seem to get; extra scrutiny of a negative or "suspicious" nature. I generally have a horrible time coping with this unfair scrutiny - coping with the fact that my misfortunes in life seem to lead to a more difficult time in public as far as absorbing the "penetrating gazes" of others.

Of course, this scrutiny only exacerbates the symptoms of my SAD, and leads to intense unpleasant feelings of frustration and indignation. I can feel defeated...a victim of a cruel reality where I seem to encounter the very thing that I dread. I mean, here I am - trying to venture out into the world - only to encounter such discouraging "feedback" from people. No wonder I'm so reclusive.

I seem to internalize such reactions from others in an awful way - I seem to allow it to "define" me to a certain extent. And I feel resentful that people are rude enough and/or paranoid enough to openly regard me so harshly and/or suspiciously. When you have the problems that I do, it seems that you often get the worst of people - their rudeness, their wariness, their standoffishness, etc..

Can anyone relate? Do you feel that your problems often attract extra scrutiny? Do you encounter situations in which you feel uncomfortably observed? Do you think that people are sometimes more suspicious of you because of your anxiety, awkwardness, "quietness", etc.? Any examples of such situations?
Click to expand...

I feel just like that. But I am getting closer and closer to the point where I quite frankly don't give a dang what people think of me. They ain't my maker. Why should I submit myself to their "scrutiny," as you like to put it?

If I want to go outside for a walk, fine, that's what I'll do.

If I want to go to the store, ok, that is fine too.

I can laugh my head off in front of people if I want. We all can. We have that right cause we are all humans.
 
Odo

Odo

Banned
I hate being observed as well, which is odd because I was a teacher for almost a decade and constantly had students' eyes on me. But I have always had problems with mundane things like buying something at a store or eating or drinking in front of strangers.

I think it has to do with your locus of control being external, not internal:

What Is the Meaning of Locus of Control?

Those with an internal locus of control:

Are more likely to take responsibility for their actions
Tend to be less influenced by the opinions of other people
Often do better at tasks when they are allowed to work at their own pace
Usually have a strong sense of self-efficacy
Tend to work hard to achieve the things they want
Feel confident in the face of challenges
Tend to be physically healthier
Report being happier and more independent
Often achieve greater success in the workplace.

Those with an external locus of control:

Blame outside forces for their circumstances
Often credit luck or chance for any successes
Don't believe that they can change their situation through their own efforts
Frequently feel hopeless or powerless in the face of difficult situations
Are more prone to experiencing learned helplessness.
Click to expand...

If you are constantly crediting other people for your successes or failures, then you're never going to feel like you have any control, and that can easily lead to you feeling helpless in situations where other people would feel in control.

Of course, not everything is within your control, but you can control how much time you dedicate to certain thoughts and memories, and happiness is also a choice. You can be happy in any situation, but you can't do that if you refuse to take control of your own feelings.

Whether you succeed or fail isn't as important as how you deal with success or failure... and while you can't control the former, you can definitely control the latter.

Locus of Control | alive
 
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