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Old 11-16-2009
Harleyq's Avatar
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how do you deal?

I went shopping tonight after work and met a guy I work with, and we started walking around the store together. Then I saw an acquaintance that I talk to sometimes in class and I guess I was feeling confident because I wasn't alone, so I looked cool, lol. I call his name out - "Hey, _______!" at the same time some other girl does. He goes to greet her enthusiastically and probably didn't even hear me. So I jokingly say (in a much louder voice) say "Fine! Ignore me, then! *smile*" He glances at me, gives me a half-assed "oh, hey" in a "you bore me to death" tone, raises his hand at me as if it's being weighed down and he can barely lift it, and then immediately turns to talk to the other girl again.

I know it's no big deal. It's not like we're friends and honestly our conversations in class usually last about a minute, total. Maybe I annoyed him. Idk. But that was seriously embarrassing to me. It was one of those moments where I was thinking "I can't believe that happened. I can't believe that happened in public. I can't believe that happened in public, in front of somebody I know" My coworker laughed and we had a conversation about how disinterested he acted and how he barely acknowledged me so I know I wasn't exaggerating...

I just feel like next time we're in class together, I'm going to feel incredibly awkward and uncomfortable...
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Old 11-16-2009
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Next time you're in class with him brush him off.
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Old 11-16-2009
Why
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yep so i have trouble greeting ppl unless i really really know them
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Old 11-16-2009
 

What does his opinion mean to you? It is embarrassing but most of this is your social phobia and not the experience. Why is his opinion important? What does this experience mean?
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Old 11-16-2009
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You know.. If he ever talks to you, you should do the same to him. Just to show him what it feels to be treated like that. He might not care, or he might get pissed.. but at least you had your revenge. People like him should not be taken too seriously... he's an *** and is not worth your time.

In my case, I barely talk to other people here, so they don't need to brush me off.. But if it happened, i suppose i would be a bit upset and bashing myself for being such a failure at life that nobody likes.
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Old 11-16-2009
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Phobologist View Post
What does his opinion mean to you? It is embarrassing but most of this is your social phobia and not the experience. Why is his opinion important? What does this experience mean?
That's the thing. I'm fully aware my social phobia is what made me feel so embarrassed...Idk why his opinion of me is important. I guess because he's one of a few people who I thought had potential to become a friend, which I don't have many of, so getting brushed off by him was worse. I wouldn't have even made the effort to call out to him if I hadn't thought he would respond. Kinda makes me feel like a failure for even trying to be a bit more outgoing

And as for everyone else who responded, I probably will give him the same treatment back. Not on purpose or as revenge, but I tend to brush people off when their presence makes me uncomfortable/anxious. I get nervous and go into flight-or-fight mode so I end those conversations as quickly as possible so that they'll go away. It's something I need to work on.

I don't wanna be a hateful, vindictive b-tch, though.
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Old 11-16-2009
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Serafina View Post
Maybe he doesn't get super friendly with people he doesn't know that well or maybe he was trying to "talk" to the other girl.
He has a live-in girlfriend so I don't think that was the issue. It was probably that the other girl was a close friend and I'm just..me. Just some girl he vaguely knows from school

Quote:
Originally Posted by Serafina View Post
Precisely because this shouldn't be taken seriously is why I would not brush those people off for the sake of teaching them a lesson.
Yeah, this is exactly what I meant when I said I didn't want to be a vindictive b-tch...only put much more eloquently Just seems like I'd be making a big deal out of nothing if I did that, especially when I know my problem is moreso with myself and how I let the situation affect me, than about how he brushed me off.
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Old 11-16-2009
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don't be upset,even if you know him,but he is not like very important to you,forget,it's no big deal.
i understand,i usually don't call anyone,because i'm afraid that i wont be loud enough for him to hear me,so i'll be embarrassed or the same reason as you,he wont care that much .. i've had these situations,of course,but i get over it,it's really no big deal,just my mind,making bid deal out of nothing.
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Old 11-16-2009
 

You'd be right to just let it roll off you. It was rude what he did, though, and anyone would feel like they'd been left hanging if treated that way, so it's not just SA lying to you.

I could easily see myself in that encounter and believe me I'd be kicking myself afterward. If he wants to act like it's all weird between you next time you speak to him, forget him. I certainly wouldn't go out of my way to say hello again.
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Old 11-16-2009
 

Maybe he was taken aback when you shouted him because he didnt expect to see you. Ive done that before said a quick hello to someone when i am busy and then wondered afterwards if i was rude and that i didnt mean to be. I have usually apologised or laughed about it with the person after. Maybe he did the same?
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Old 11-16-2009
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I'd be more happy that I got to walk around talking to my co-worker
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Old 11-16-2009
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It's not like you did anything wrong, his reaction was just not what you would normally expect. But he didn't completely ignore you or turn and run off in the opposite direction. You should be pleased that you had the courage to greet him. I know that I normally pretend not to see people to avoid the situation.
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Old 11-17-2009
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dooby-duck View Post
It's not like you did anything wrong, his reaction was just not what you would normally expect. But he didn't completely ignore you or turn and run off in the opposite direction. You should be pleased that you had the courage to greet him. I know that I normally pretend not to see people to avoid the situation.
Yeah, that is true. Thanks

I also normally pretend not to see people if I'm alone or feeling self conscious. There's something about being in company, though, that certain anxieties of mine seem to disappear completely, if only temporarily. Of course, with friends, there are things I'm suddenly afraid to do that I normally do in public with only a fairly small amount of anxiety (such as driving) because my friends' opinions matter a good bit to me and I don't want to appear stupid. But other things improve. For example, if I'm around friends, suddenly, sometimes I can be outgoing and approach complete strangers as if I'd known them forever.
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Old 11-18-2009
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I went to class today and the guy apologized to me. Apparently, that other girl WAS his girlfriend and she's very possessive so he just didn't want to cause trouble.

I'm pretty sure that if I could've seen myself, my face was absolutely beaming when I said "Oh! Your girlfriend!? Don't worry, I understand!"
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Old 11-20-2009
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Reminds me of that
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