Who do you think you are

Not really looking for advice here, I'm just wondering if anyone relate to this and curious how you deal with it.

I've made very important progress in the last 3 years, social-phobia-wise (and health wise at the same time). I would say the last 3 years were a constant chain of small (and bigger) victories. I got a steady job and established very good relationships with co-workers over time. I became more confident and less self-conscious. I made a couple of big moves in order to realize a dream that I have since I'm 15 years old, and things are going in the right direction so far.

Anyway, with all that confidence and everything, my boss is giving me more responsabilities. Personally I think it sucks, I'm not a career person, but that's not my point right now: It made me realize that I don't feel like I'm entitled to give orders to people and tell them if they are doing right or wrong. Everytime I say something like "take X with you and go check blahblahblah" or "you should do it this way, not that way" I'm thinking to myself "listen to yourself, giving orders, telling people what to do! Who do you think you are??"

I know the reason to this. even though everyone tells me they like working with me, even though my boss say he's happy with my work, there is always this certitude that I'm dumber than most. In fact, the main reason I'm so proud of myself is because I'm thinking, wow. I got there with THAT brain (and absolute lack of charisma)?

I also know the way to fix it is to keep doing what I'm doing right now to improve my self-esteem. Or at least I think this is the way.

Anyone else has ever experienced this "Waaaaait who do you think you are" feeling?

Okay, no seriously. I have been in such situations where I am expected to be the boss, the person in charge, the one who knows stuff. I have been faced with the choice of being that person while not actually doing it.

Thus far, my usual response has been to run away in both cases. mg: I am happy that you have done better.

Unfortunately, you will always have a more in-depth experience of your own insecurities than anyone else's.

But really, it's not about being anything-- it's about playing a part.

I keep thinking of that scene at the beginning of Pulp Fiction-- Jules and Vincent are just hanging out talking about whatever having fun, and then suddenly Jules says 'better get into character' and suddenly they turn into brutal, intimidating monsters where Jules does the talking and Vincent is in the background. It's exactly like that-- you're not being you, you're being what people expect you to be.

I went through a lot of this while I was teaching... kids expect a certain kind of behavior from you and if you're not being the kind of person they expect you to be, you're going to lose them. You can't just get up there and say whatever is on your mind, you can't play favorites, and you can't express your own opinions on politically charged topics-- you're supposed to be diplomatic and foster the learning of others, because nobody wants to be in a class that's too much about the teacher and not enough about them.

It took me a while to develop that persona and when I would go on break and come back I would sort of have to find my way back to it, but after a week or so it was second nature again.

So yeah, as you get more experience you'll do better at getting into character... and you won't ask yourself 'who do you think you are?' so much as 'what does this person expect me to be?'

NathanielWingatePeaslee said:

Okay, no seriously. I have been in such situations where I am expected to be the boss, the person in charge, the one who knows stuff. I have been faced with the choice of being that person while not actually doing it.

Thus far, my usual response has been to run away in both cases. mg: I am happy that you have done better.

Click to expand...

Hey I just started watching that show haha
And yes, you are a chicken Just messing with you. You did that course until the end right? Now I guess you have to figure out if you are happy enough to stay in your current situation or if you need to kick yourself in the butt to make a step forward? It's all about what you want.

Odo said:

Unfortunately, you will always have a more in-depth experience of your own insecurities than anyone else's.

But really, it's not about being anything-- it's about playing a part.

I keep thinking of that scene at the beginning of Pulp Fiction-- Jules and Vincent are just hanging out talking about whatever having fun, and then suddenly Jules says 'better get into character' and suddenly they turn into brutal, intimidating monsters where Jules does the talking and Vincent is in the background. It's exactly like that-- you're not being you, you're being what people expect you to be.

I went through a lot of this while I was teaching... kids expect a certain kind of behavior from you and if you're not being the kind of person they expect you to be, you're going to lose them. You can't just get up there and say whatever is on your mind, you can't play favorites, and you can't express your own opinions on politically charged topics-- you're supposed to be diplomatic and foster the learning of others, because nobody wants to be in a class that's too much about the teacher and not enough about them.

It took me a while to develop that persona and when I would go on break and come back I would sort of have to find my way back to it, but after a week or so it was second nature again.

So yeah, as you get more experience you'll do better at getting into character... and you won't ask yourself 'who do you think you are?' so much as 'what does this person expect me to be?'

Click to expand...

Interesting! I've never seen it like that but you are right that I'm playing a character. Which is funny because my refusal to play a character is exactly the reason why I've had so much trouble to infiltrate the system - until I realized I had no choice. I've always been very scared (and still are) to be swallowed by this character.

I felt like that when I have been required to attend jury duty. Who am I to stand in judgement of someone else's life.