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Old 08-04-2011  
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Default Why am I the bad guy?

They look at me when I don`t say anything. They want me to say something and they get mad at me or something and they say that I was rude to them. I don`t know what to say my mind goes blink. I try to say something. I don`t like being like this I really try to change but it seem like no matter how hard I try to say something I can`t there just is not nothing up there.what does normal people talk about. It seem like some times I freeze and other times I just don`t know what to talk about. They don`t won`t to hear me when I try to talk about what social phobia is and they are rude to me saying I was rude to them. does any one else get this. why do I get treated like the bad guy because of SA.
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Old 08-05-2011  
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Default Re: Why am I the bad guy?

They don't sound like a very good group of people. Are they friends, family, coworkers? I would sit each one of them down and give them a talking to about why you act the way you do. If they can't get it through their heads that you aren't the bad guy then I would scrap the lot of them.
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Old 08-05-2011  
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Default Re: Why am I the bad guy?

It mostly people who don`t know who I am My mother was the only one who would listen to me when I talk about SA but she pass away along time ago my dad to that why I am starting to feel alone now. I have three older sister but they brush me off ever time I try to explain what it is they are nice to me they just don`t won`t to hear about it. But every time they have friends over that when I start to feel like the Bad guy the worst one is my sister boy friend he has a story where his ant has SA too and he said they were all mean to her too.
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Old 08-05-2011  
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Default Re: Why am I the bad guy?

Social biology. Humans are animals, we have social preferences that are preferred by most of society. Shyness is seen as a weakness and is looked down upon.

Look at dogs, for example. I have a shy dog, and he was bullied by the rest of his dogs in his cage before we got him. They attacked him and took advantage of him until he was forced into the corner of the cage and isolated himself.

It's animal nature to do this. Humans aren't much different than dogs in this manner. Most people on this site are people that were pushed out of society by other humans that didn't like us because we are shy, and now many of us are in isolation, as my dog was.
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Old 08-05-2011  
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Default Re: Why am I the bad guy?

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheAristocrat View Post
I think that is cutting it too thin. Shyness is merely one trait. The problem is that we are too difficult to reach. How often has a person tried to engage us, but it all goes wrong? Very often. Communication is the key, we are very difficult to read, thus, for a lot of people, we are impossible to understand. If we cannot communicate our thoughts, feelings and desires, then how can anyone interact with us? To say that we are like animals does not do this issue justice. It is far more complex then that, people are far more complex then that. It's true that there are those who will exploit those less likely to fight back, but even then, they are more often than not the product of insecurities themselves.
Well said.
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Old 08-05-2011  
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Default Re: Why am I the bad guy?

What has hurt me most about my anxiety is that I tried to do things to show that I am acting in good faith, and hope that people get to know me for the right reasons. But some people chose to see none of that, and to see only my anxiety, and talk about it, and judge me for all the wrong reasons.

Life breaks us leaving pieces, cracks and scars. Sometimes those pieces, cracks and scars can be put back together in the most beautiful and unexpected of ways.


In solitude , where we are least alone

Lord Byron
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Old 08-05-2011  
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Default Re: Why am I the bad guy?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bo592 View Post
It mostly people who don`t know who I am My mother was the only one who would listen to me when I talk about SA but she pass away along time ago my dad to that why I am starting to feel alone now. I have three older sister but they brush me off ever time I try to explain what it is they are nice to me they just don`t won`t to hear about it. But every time they have friends over that when I start to feel like the Bad guy the worst one is my sister boy friend he has a story where his ant has SA too and he said they were all mean to her too.
You're sisters probably not understanding what SA is & how bad it can be for your life.If you can't explain this to them well then give them some books,some references,tell them to read about it....but still if they're not interested I think its not worth explaining SA to them.Some ppl just don't understant(or don't want to).In that cast I'll suggest you go on with your life & don't care what they say.I know its easy to say than do,but if there's no other choice...
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Old 08-05-2011  
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Default Re: Why am I the bad guy?

I have the same problem. Unless I know the people really well (which face it the only people that fit that category are husband and family) I never know what to say. By the time I think of something to add to a conversation the topic has changed already. People talk a lot of small talk which I can't do. People either think I am boring or that I am some sort of snob, like I think it beneath me to talk to them or that I am not interested in them or their conversation. I am interested I just don't know what to add. The few times I have said something I stumble over my words, not saying what I mean and it comes out all wrong. Sometimes I say something that is taken as offensive when it wasn't meant that way I just don't have the words. I have long since given up banter and jokes because they always get taken the wrong way.

So I am not much help just I know what you mean.
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Old 08-05-2011  
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Default Re: Why am I the bad guy?

Ooh, it's better to not rely 'just' on family for emotional support... It may be nice to have, and in some families it happens, it's not a given by all means... Your sisters may be preoccupied with own lives or angry cause you didn't do the dishes or such, or cause their tire went flat or they might be unhappy with their job or something... (These are just examples, it's different in every family...) Maybe they just had a bad day... Some people can also get preoccupied or even overwhelmed by own problems or plans and don't really want to listen to other people's...

When they have friends over, they may wish to come across 'well', and may want to make a good impression on the friends... Or maybe they were even trying to be helpful and introduce you to some people? If you've just met someone it's better to talk about more 'light' themes, like ask 'Where have you two met?' if it's a new person, or ask about that person, where are they from or talk about what they like to do or have recently done, have they seen any good films, or give maybe a compliment like 'nice hat' or even talk about the weather if it's necessary...

Talking about sa would usually be reserved for people who know you well and you know them well and know you can trust them... Or in a support group or such...
Your sisters' friends are not a 'support group', if you like some of them and 'click' with them (=they like you back), you could try to maybe become friends with them - slowly!! it's better to start with common interests though... eg what kind of films or music they like, what kind of things they do in free time etc.
It's also better if you can find your own group of friends, to not rely on your sisters', especially if you and sisters are very different...
Maybe you could even ask your sisters what would be appropriate to talk about with their friends?

Many 'social' people may not understand sa... so maybe you could just say you're 'shy' if needed?

People can see 'rude' as very many different things... for some, ignoring them or saying the truth can be perceived as 'rude'... sometimes misunderstandings can happen... Sometimes I've been totally misunderstood too, and the other person/s didn't want to listen...
You can try to make 'good' with people... And/or find friends/support in other places... Is there a support group near you?
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Old 08-05-2011  
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Default Re: Why am I the bad guy?

Quote:
What has hurt me most about my anxiety is that I tried to do things to show that I am acting in good faith, and hope that people get to know me for the right reasons. But some people chose to see none of that, and to see only my anxiety, and talk about it, and judge me for all the wrong reasons.
Exactly. Then, what's more is........ not knowing a whole lot of people, sticking around people who like to batter your brain every visit ("friends" I suppose). Really, the closest people in my life could never once leave me alone, on top of the fact that all of the other people around would smirk and look at other people and laugh right in front of my face. When friends and family get in on that and you have nobody to turn to.......

....people think this is a joke. This has to do with earning a living, making a life, finding a mate. People don't get it.
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