Why are people mean to shy/quiet people

KiaKaha

KiaKaha

Banned
I mean, as if we dont have enough problems to deal with. It is not like people like us go out of our way to make other peoples lives a misery, so why does it happen to us?

Is it because we dont like confrontations? or because we are easy targets...?

whatever the reason is, I think its deeply unfair..

Thoughts?
 
Ecclesiastes

Ecclesiastes

Well-known member
Well in my personal point of view, I think it's because quiet and shy people gives people the impression that should they get attacked, they'd not have the guts to stand up for themselves (Which is true in most cases, sadly)..

I used to be a target for them but I think self-confidence plays a major part in it. If you're confident of yourself enough, somehow you let people feel this 'aura' coming from you that you're not someone they should be mean or you'll bite back!

P/S: Sorry for the long reply :X
 
zav943

zav943

Well-known member
We are definitely easy targets, there's no doubt about that...so it may be that they're compensating for their own insecurities by asserting dominance over shy people.

However, it may also be because they feel we (shy people) are being mean to them by not matching their social enthusiasm, so they turn hostile towards us...try to coax us into saying something.

I don't know...

Honestly, I find that some people hate me regardless of whether I'm friendly or shy/quiet. I'm going camping tomorrow with a girl like that (not just me and her mind you). I don't know if I exude some kind of HATE pheremone that turns people against me, or maybe it's something I say...I dunno. I just DON'T know how to connect with people, no matter how hard I try, and yet I look at one of my best friends, and she attracts people to her like a magnet (mind you, she is f'ing beautiful). I wish more people saw me for what I am...a person who is affectionate and who looks after his friends...oh well...life goes on. I go on loooong jogs whenever I'm feeling crummy like that and that makes things all better.
 
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agoraphobickatie

agoraphobickatie

Well-known member
if i had to guess, i'd say maybe those outspoken or 'loud' (usually annoying) people don't get the attention or reaction they are looking for from shy people.. they get offended by it and, being obnoxious, they snap back to make the other person feel inferior.... i don't know, i don't remember ever trying to make fun of someone i thought was 'shy' before =/
 
lilmutegirl

lilmutegirl

Well-known member
ShyKiwi said:
I mean, as if we dont have enough problems to deal with. It is not like people like us go out of our way to make other peoples lives a misery, so why does it happen to us?

Is it because we dont like confrontations? or because we are easy targets...?

whatever the reason is, I think its deeply unfair..

Thoughts?
Click to expand...

I think we are easy targets because we don't like confrontations. People probably think they can get away with being mean to us because we are less likely to fight back. I've been fortunate enough to have friends who are very protective of me, and are more comfortable telling mean people to back off when I can't. When I'm by myself, I tend to just try to get away from the mean people if possible.
 
D

Danedo

Member
Part of it may be perception; I remember reading somewhere that anxious people or whatever rated 'neutral' looking faces as slightly more hostile than non anxious people.

The same could be true for conversation and the like.
For example I recently met a co-worker who has a slight mean quirk, however I realize that it is more a reflection on him than me; his problem, not mine.
 
dottie

dottie

Well-known member
easy targets. people love to be mean and they will do it as far as they can get away with it starting with the most obvious, easiest target.

i loathe people who think they are clever by making snide jabs at other peoples' expense. they think they are cute but there is nothing so repelling.
 
EscapeArtist

EscapeArtist

Well-known member
Yeah, easy target, place to take out their own insecurities. Maybe, them loud people are trying to hide that they are afraid of silence and in a sense are jealous of our ability to look comfortable with silence. They also might think we have no opinions, and are lousy sheep door mats. I knew a girl who loathed me because I was quiet. I believe she said something like.... "I hate sabrina, why do you hang out with her, she's so quiet like she has no opinions of her own what so ever, and if she's angry, dear god she might go DRAW something!" Ouch. Well, it's her problem, because I also know that for years she has been the most praising and jealous person I've known towards my artwork...hahaha.
 
F

Feathers

Well-known member
Hm, I don't think people in general are mean to all shy people... There may be some people who may be mean to everyone, or who had a bad day and just 'unload' (and don't dare to cross someone they perceive as 'meaner' then them-??)

Sometimes 'shy' can be mistaken for 'arrogant' (I know a girl who was very sweet and friendly but often 'froze' around certain people/cute guys and was then perceived as 'arrogant')

If you are worrying about something (even if about whether the people will like you or not!) it shows on your face and people may think you are thinking negatively about them! (So it may be good to think about something vaguely upbeat and friendly! This depends on who you are approaching though, for some people stern looks may work better.)

People may 'misread' your vibes and take you for someone you're not! (For example, a guy told us he was often attacked when going out even though he was quite peaceful - maybe something about the way he looked made others think he was an easy target or 'looking for trouble')

Some people can think you have a crush on them and may be 'mean' just to show you they're not interested! (Or worse, they may be interested and fight against it or are shy themselves and may find weird ways of showing affection?? Think kindergarten or primary school!) It's sometimes hard to tell between these two, lol!

They just don't know any better and are rude??
 
chris11

chris11

Well-known member
ShyKiwi said:
I mean, as if we dont have enough problems to deal with. It is not like people like us go out of our way to make other peoples lives a misery, so why does it happen to us?

Is it because we dont like confrontations? or because we are easy targets...?

whatever the reason is, I think its deeply unfair..

Thoughts?
Click to expand...

Because they're easy to be mean to. Shy, anxious individuals are far less likly than the general population to be assertive and stand up for themselves. So, if Joe ocasionaly likes to be cruel to someone, he would prefer to be cruel to a shy person; it's simply safer.
 
KiaKaha

KiaKaha

Banned
Feathers said:
Hm, I don't think people in general are mean to all shy people... There may be some people who may be mean to everyone, or who had a bad day and just 'unload' (and don't dare to cross someone they perceive as 'meaner' then them-??)

Sometimes 'shy' can be mistaken for 'arrogant' (I know a girl who was very sweet and friendly but often 'froze' around certain people/cute guys and was then perceived as 'arrogant')

If you are worrying about something (even if about whether the people will like you or not!) it shows on your face and people may think you are thinking negatively about them! (So it may be good to think about something vaguely upbeat and friendly! This depends on who you are approaching though, for some people stern looks may work better.)

People may 'misread' your vibes and take you for someone you're not! (For example, a guy told us he was often attacked when going out even though he was quite peaceful - maybe something about the way he looked made others think he was an easy target or 'looking for trouble')

Some people can think you have a crush on them and may be 'mean' just to show you they're not interested! (Or worse, they may be interested and fight against it or are shy themselves and may find weird ways of showing affection?? Think kindergarten or primary school!) It's sometimes hard to tell between these two, lol!

They just don't know any better and are rude??
Click to expand...


Great post. I am still trying to collate my thoughts to respond. Yes I would agree that its unreasonable to think that all people are mean to quiet people, although I do think that if people are mean in general, then they have a tendency to go after the shy ones because they know that they dont fight back. Which is something that really gets on my nerves because a person who is shy is usually quite sensitive and undeserving of such abuse. The mentality behind someone like that also annoys me because...well...I just dont see the point in making another persons life unhappy simply because they WONT fight back.

As for misreading people, I think thats where a lot of all this SA business comes from (at least in my case) I have found that we are all just playing a game with each other, trying to interpret how another person is feeling or thinking with only subtle clues. Being rejected may just be a case of the other person feeling shy around you, and thus a never ending cycle of social awkwardness ensues whenever it comes to dealing with that person. It would seem how you are perceived and how you perceive others, with no absolute proof of what each other is thinking contributes the most to uncomfortable and often unhappy social encounters. Hmmm....maybe my mother was wrong and that the world does not revolve around me...
 
DarkPhoenix

DarkPhoenix

Well-known member
There are definitely a few people out there that misinterpret shyness for snobbyness or arrogance, what grinds me up the wall is the people that know you're shy already but treat you like crap no matter how hard you try to talk and be nice to them.
 
C

chepei

Member
Oh...yes I agree with all comments. I do think we are easy targets. Some people get annoyed by "weak people." And because I don't do small talk, I don't smile much, and I rush when it comes to any interaction, I can also be seen as cold and stuck-up. On the other hand, in my past, my louder ex-friends tend to enjoy my company because I didn't talk back, I didn't start an argument with them, I overpraised them or rarely said "no" to them (to get on their good side), and I was the only person who would listen quietly to their non-stop ranting.
 
TAMPA-BAY

TAMPA-BAY

Well-known member
I agree with all the comments so far.

#1 The strong always prey on the weak or Weaker.
#2 Half the time what we call mean is not seen as mean by some one else; so we have to also take a look at our selves and ask if we are not just too sensetive.

I remember when i was young i thought my parents were mean. From that vantige point it felt that way but when you get older things look diffrent now compared to then.
 
evi

evi

1
I think it's because they can take advatange of us. People tend to take advantage of those who are vulnerable. I may sound pesimistic, but that is the world that we live in today.

My rule - Stay Cool :cool:
 
R

Rembrandt Broam

Well-known member
DarkPhoenix said:
There are definitely a few people out there that misinterpret shyness for snobbyness or arrogance, what grinds me up the wall is the people that know you're shy already but treat you like crap no matter how hard you try to talk and be nice to them.
Click to expand...

I find it hard to shake the idea that people don't like me, even when I know that it's totally irrational. I do put some of it down to the unsocial/asocial behaviour being misinterpreted as snobbishness or arrogance. It's not even that people are mean to me. They're usually not, but I still can't rid myself of the notion. The slightest little thing (and I do mean the slightest thing) that can be misinterpreted as a snub, will be. It's like I'm looking for them in order to prove myself right. ::(:
 
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