why can't I just say hi?

Why can't I randomly start a conversation with girls, or anyone? I'm so afraid of violating someone's personal space. It's like forbidden to me.. she has to say it first. but then she might also be afraid of violating my personal space.

If our eyes meet, I might raise my eyebrows. A smile? no maybe it's not welcomed. Neither might a hi be welcomed.

I have to have something in common with her.. I have to be able to establish rapport. I have to be able to bond with her first. How can I though?

I know how you feel. I wounder if i'm interrupting someone when I talk to them randomly. Sometimes I probably am interrupting them but you can tell when they don't want to talk to you. Then you just stop the conversation there and move on. Just say, hey, what are you up to. Sometimes they'll stop to talk to you, sometimes they won't. Don't fear rejection too much. You shoudl try practicing opening a conversation so that it doesn't become something you have to think about anymore. you just say whatever you'll say without thnking.

Eventually, we all have to come to a place where we just say "I have to take risks."

Life is all about taking risks. Ever since we left the womb we started on a journey of risk taking. Learning to walk was full of risks; so was learning how to ride a bike, or learning to drive. Essentially, life is all about how many risks you take -- and the more risks taken means the more wisdom you will have.

Stop taking risks, and stay stuck where you are at -- remaining immature in life and living fearful of everything that comes your way. If you didn't get pushed to take the proper risks when you were growing up, start now.

Don't be afraid of risk taking.. instead, welcome the failures as small growth spurts. Every time you fell off the bike, you got back on, didn't you? Every time you tried to take those first steps as a baby, you got back up and continued to learn, right? Every time you fail, you have to absorb it, accept it, and try again. That's what babies do, why can't we? Life will not work any other way -- so try your best to get out there and just accept the pain until you finally "get it."

Therefore, just go for it and say what you want. Eventually you will get numb to it and just start enjoying it.

hey.. I used to have the same problem.

What would you do if you saw a girl
about to walk into the road when a
truck is racing towards her?

It's having a positive intention.
You wouldn't think twice, right?

Cause you know you are saving
someone's life.

So when you realise that you actually
giving someone a little bit of
appreciation...and a chance to
connect a little..then it will be easier.

actually the deep one for this is that
the more people you like the easier
it gets to talk to people.

I would also chat to all the shop assistants
check out girls...and get used to just
giving them a little bit of a moment of
connection with another person- you.
people like that. (if they don't they have
their own reasons)
helps?

powerfulthoughts said:

Eventually, we all have to come to a place where we just say "I have to take risks."

Life is all about taking risks. Ever since we left the womb we started on a journey of risk taking. Learning to walk was full of risks; so was learning how to ride a bike, or learning to drive. Essentially, life is all about how many risks you take -- and the more risks taken means the more wisdom you will have.

Stop taking risks, and stay stuck where you are at -- remaining immature in life and living fearful of everything that comes your way. If you didn't get pushed to take the proper risks when you were growing up, start now.

Don't be afraid of risk taking.. instead, welcome the failures as small growth spurts. Every time you fell off the bike, you got back on, didn't you? Every time you tried to take those first steps as a baby, you got back up and continued to learn, right? Every time you fail, you have to absorb it, accept it, and try again. That's what babies do, why can't we? Life will not work any other way -- so try your best to get out there and just accept the pain until you finally "get it."

Click to expand...

I do take risks but they usually end up the wrong way.

Jamie P said:

hey.. I used to have the same problem.

What would you do if you saw a girl
about to walk into the road when a
truck is racing towards her?

It's having a positive intention.
You wouldn't think twice, right?

Cause you know you are saving
someone's life.

So when you realise that you actually
giving someone a little bit of
appreciation...and a chance to
connect a little..then it will be easier.

actually the deep one for this is that
the more people you like the easier
it gets to talk to people.

I would also chat to all the shop assistants
check out girls...and get used to just
giving them a little bit of a moment of
connection with another person- you.
people like that. (if they don't they have
their own reasons)
helps?

Click to expand...

who says I really matter?

You know the batting average of a hall of fame baseball player? It's 0.300. 7 out of the 10 times they fail to hit the ball. It's kinda depressing from a numbers perspective, but you'll never hear them being depressed because they know those failures gave them the experience to eventually hit the ball on their 8th+ try.

Bottom line, don't let failure depress you so much. It's hard, I know. But just keep trying and keep learning.

hey no1, i struggle with this, too. i am afraid to say hello or address people because i'm afraid i might disturb them. i've always strived to be as invisible and unobtrusive as humanly possible since i was a kid. when i was a kid people liked it because i stayed out of their way. now that i'm an adult people just find it rude. (and wierd)

I do take risks but they usually end up the wrong way.

Click to expand...

Of course they do, that's the point. When babies are learning to walk, they usually end up on their butt. They keep trying until they get it. Anubis is absolutely correct, the greatest baseball player misses over 70% of the time, but they keep trying. Risk taking is about Accepting the failures as a part of life. That's the way our world works, and if we can't accept it, and even EMBRACE it, then we are doomed to a life of depression and fear. KEEP at it, eventually you will get it. Take the falls, take the pain, take the mental torture until you hit the damn ball out of the park. That's the essence of success.

Everyone fails. The difference between "winners" and "losers" is that if the winner fails, he/she brushes themself off and tries again. If the loser fails, he/she sees it as defeat and never tries again. I think the problem with people like us is that we take even the most minor setbacks as detrimental to our being. In other words, we're to sensitive and take everything to heart. We are alot harder on ourselves than other people are on us. Think about it.

Dude it sounds exactly how it was for me tonight. I got off of work and decided to get some food from this place where I know this girl works. I had seen her a couple of weeks ago and she gave off the vibe that she wanted to talk to me and all so I figured I would go back some time. Well I decide to go and instead of having my head in the present of course I am thinking about how I can't afford to buy the food in the first place so I start obsessing over that and here is how the convo went.

Girl: Hey... how are you?
Me: Ohh good, what about yourself? (In a less then enthuised voice)
Girl: Good, it's been really slow though...
Me: Umm I'll have 2 burgers
Girl: 'Ringing me up' So did you enjoy the sun today? Smiling
Me: Blank look, Uhh I had to work
Girl: Thats a bummer. 'The whole time she is looking at me checking me out, even when my head was down signing the bill she was looking at me. Me on the other hand barely making much eye contact and of course when I manage to she is staring right into mine. Oh and the new thing, I feel hot now and my face gets red. So now I'm focusing on that aswell.

I feel retarded when it comes to girls. I feel like I could get some of the girls I pursue but I am just so out of the moment and in my head I can't do it. It sucks. Actually I can't talk to guys either. The only people I can talk to are people who like my humor but I am always so reserved I don't always let it out. I need to do something to change how I view people, a pretty girl= me blushing and walking away.

I used to be afraid to add people on facebook and myspace because i was afraid that i was violating their personal space...

I usually can't say hi because girls usually have this "I dont talk to strangers" thing and they have a shield about them all the time.

no1 said:

I usually can't say hi because girls usually have this "I dont talk to strangers" thing and they have a shield about them all the time.

Click to expand...

You can't blame others for you not being able to say "Hi". If you want to say it, and / or you value saying it, then the only person stopping you from saying it is yourself. On the other hand, if what you really want is an instant conversation / rapport / date / sex with someone, then you probably won't get it.

Ours brains evolved to constantly make judgments, but most of the time these judgments aren't helpful.