Why can't I talk about myself?

I just realized that it's extremely hard for me to write about any of my problems here. Or anywhere for that matter. I can't seem to find the words and even if I could, I just can't seem to post any real personal information about my problems. I've been here for about half a year... still haven't said the things I really want to say.

Does anyone else have the same problems in saying what's really on their mind?

It's not hard for me to say what's on my mind. I like being on this forum and speaking my mind and my opinions on SA and what we do about it, and I like to give advice. The problem for me is to talk about my issues and ask for help.

I am really bad at asking for help. I never want to talk about my issues because I feel like I'm complaining or like I know what I should be doing to change. I suppose I could use some humbling, since I tend to think I know everything about my own situation and fixing it, I find that I don't take other people's advice very easily.

It's funny because I just wrote something really intense and personal in another thread and it was so hard to deal with that I had to keep writing on here just to get my mind off it.... Giving advice and opinion is so much safer for me than talking about my serious issues.

Luthien said:

It's not hard for me to say what's on my mind. I like being on this forum and speaking my mind and my opinions on SA and what we do about it, and I like to give advice. The problem for me is to talk about my issues and ask for help.

I am really bad at asking for help. I never want to talk about my issues because I feel like I'm complaining or like I know what I should be doing to change. I suppose I could use some humbling, since I tend to think I know everything about my own situation and fixing it, I find that I don't take other people's advice very easily.

It's funny because I just wrote something really intense and personal in another thread and it was so hard to deal with that I had to keep writing on here just to get my mind off it.... Giving advice and opinion is so much safer for me than talking about my serious issues.

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Well, what I wanted to say in my original post, you sum up quite well in your own. I am somewhat in the same situation with regards to asking for help and feeling like it's complaining... maybe not.. haha... not really sure what goes on in my head.

Online no. I can talk forever about my problems...going into great detail, too. What i find really difficult is talking about my good points...ridiculously difficult offline. Im hoping to chnage this though..and start some serious work on myself, in the real world.

SoulSeeker said:

Online no. I can talk forever about my problems...going into great detail, too. What i find really difficult is talking about my good points...ridiculously difficult offline. Im hoping to chnage this though..and start some serious work on myself, in the real world.

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you're going to start, huh? Well?? What's good about you?! I wanna know ^.^

For me, I'm not afraid of being judged for my problems. Especially not here. Mostly I feel like if anyone has issue with how I deal with my problems (which I believe MOST people have) they can go to hell.

It's weird, I also feel really safe about expressing myself on the internet. No one here knows me, you don't know my real name and I doubt you could find it if you tried! I feel so anonymous and that is comforting to me.

I just don't trust anyone. I don't trust other people's opinions of MY life or most people's advice. I give damn good advice, and just because I don't follow it doesn't mean that it's not the best advice for me. This sounds so pretentious, but it's how I think.

You'd think that because of this, SPW isn't helping me at all, but really it is. Hearing all these people who have similar problems and then giving them my advice is actually helping me to follow it. I feel like such an a** if I am telling people what to do to get better and I'm not doing it myself.

I'm the same way. It's hard for me to talk about my problems (or much of anything really) with people I don't know well. I have to be at a certain comfort level with people before I will open up.

I feel as though I will come off like I am not adult enough to handle my own problems. I feel like most people have the ability to get a handle on there problems and by asking for help it makes me seem more like a kid then an adult.

philly2bits said:

I'm the same way. It's hard for me to talk about my problems (or much of anything really) with people I don't know well. I have to be at a certain comfort level with people before I will open up.

I feel as though I will come off like I am not adult enough to handle my own problems. I feel like most people have the ability to get a handle on there problems and by asking for help it makes me seem more like a kid then an adult.

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That's kind of weird to me because it seems totally counter-intuitive. Wouldn't you think that adults don't NEED to ask for help because they have it all handled, but kids can't take care of themselves so they need to ask for it?

Online its easy for me, In person forget it. Its like I hate talking about myself. I hear people say things like "So I was at the store the other day, and I saw a person from highschool I havent seen in years.." etc etc Just randomly start making converstion. I think to myself how the hell do they do that with such ease?
And if something is wrong with me, or I dont feel good and I need to speak up, its hard for me to say anything. The only way I talk about myself to people in person is if they ask me a question about myself, which most people dont. they talk about themseleves and expect you to just jump in.

Luthien said:

That's kind of weird to me because it seems totally counter-intuitive. Wouldn't you think that adults don't NEED to ask for help because they have it all handled, but kids can't take care of themselves so they need to ask for it?

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That's what I meant. For whatever reason I feel like asking for help will make me seem like a kid because i can't handle the problem myself.

I definitely relate. It's extremely uncomfortable for me to open up to anyone about myself, I'm not sure if it's because I'm embarrassed or just feel too different and that somehow the things I'm "hiding" will make people not want to be around me. I also feel like a child even though I'm 31, I need help with pretty much all of my problems, but I'm too terrified to ask.

I thought I should add that I posted a little thing about myself like an hour ago on another thread, and no one has responded to it. What I wrote was extremely intense and something that I've never voiced before. Now, I've got it stuck in my head and I can't stop dwelling on it and the fact that no one has responded yet... I know it's ridiculous but I feel like if someone would just say something about it, I wouldn't feel so stupid for saying it. If only someone would comment, say "that sucks" or "that's silly", commiserate or judge, I don't care! Just someone say they heard me....

I think the reason I stopped telling my problems to others is because people didn't listen. I am always everyone's therapist. Random people at the grocery store start telling me their problems after talking for only a few minutes. My ex used to call me for advice about the girls he's now dating, but when I asked him to talk to me cause I was sad (ONE TIME) he said "uh, sorry, I actually gotta go" When I was a kid, if I tried to tell my friends my problems, they would turn the conversation around to themselves and it would end with them crying and me comforting. So I guess I feel like no body cares or wants to hear my problems. It makes me so mad. Sometimes I really hate people. Actually, the only song I've ever written that I am really happy with is about just this problem.

and now everyone stopped writing on this thread, too.... Great.

Yeah, I can relate to a lot of what’s been said in here. I don’t personally like talking about myself and I worry about the advice I have given in the past. I would always think that they would be annoyed with what I was saying, because it was the obvious thing to do, and they were looking for alternative answers that I couldn’t give. You never know for certain what would help a person's circumstance and you can’t always help. Words can only do so much, but I guess you just have to look at this place as somewhere to practice expressing ourselves and people will have all kinds of judgments on it, but their opinions can’t take away the fact that you are putting yourself out there and trying to change behaviors that normally hold us back in life.