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Old 11-27-2013
LazyHermitCrab's Avatar
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I feel bad cuz I get impatient during conversations and if affects my limited relationships. I was talking to someone and everything was fine until he said, "really you know that actor?" and "really you know that movie?" It felt like he was surprised I knew it and didn't take me seriously and I overreacted. Also he kept quoting movie lines and I didn't listen and zoned out. People say I seem distracted in conversations. :( Maybe because I lack patience and drink too much caffeine or something. Anyone else?
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Old 11-27-2013
Kiwong's Avatar
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I find conversations frightening, in fact I have difficulty holding them. I am distracted by the intense fear I feel.
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Old 11-27-2013
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by LazyHermitCrab View Post
I feel bad cuz I get impatient during conversations and if affects my limited relationships. I was talking to someone and everything was fine until he said, "really you know that actor?" and "really you know that movie?" It felt like he was surprised I knew it and didn't take me seriously and I overreacted.
I'm guilty of spewing out mindless lines like those too, for the sake of keeping convos going. I used to act all dramatic and expressive, just so I could keep up with other people's energy. Maybe he's doing the same thing.
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Old 11-27-2013
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jaim38 View Post
I'm guilty of spewing out mindless lines like those too, for the sake of keeping convos going. I used to act all dramatic and expressive, just so I could keep up with other people's energy. Maybe he's doing the same thing.
Haha that's exactly what I do!! Over-react and be dramatic, even if I really don't give a flying eff. It's annoying because if I showed the amount of interest I really had, I would be as responsive as a brick wall
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Old 11-28-2013
 

I can relate. I get bored easily in general, and I'm not a great listener when the topic of discussion isn't one I find interesting. It seems like people can tell when I'm zoning out, even though I try really hard to look attentive. People often ask me to repeat what they just said. It's as if they're testing me to determine whether I'm actually listening to them or not. I hate it. I mean, it's reasonable for them to ask but it annoys me.
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Old 11-28-2013
 

Sometimes I have same thing, I get so bored and I want to be just quiet. I work in military base as a guard. And there is 24 hours shifts. Each shift I'm with different colleague. Most time of the day I sit in the oparating room and watching cameras with my work buddy. Yeah start of the work day It's nice to talk them but then few hours later.. I get so bored, I just want to sit in quiet and dont want to talk back or listen my colleague. I just want to do the my shift and go home. I have thought several times maybe this talking stuff is not for me. Like I love to be alone and not talking to anybody :/
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Old 11-28-2013
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If many conversations bore you, consider looking into ADD. I've been diagnosed with it. A lot of conversations for me are so boring I zone out and just say "yeah" and "okay" and don't learn anything from it. Reading books is the same for me--if the material is boring, I can barely get through it, and I don't learn a thing.

Apparently the way it works, in the simplest terms possible, is "normal" people have a steady flow of dopamine, which allows them to maintain both their attention and their interest level at any given time. This doesn't mean they don't get bored or distracted, it simply means they need lower stimulation than someone with ADD to activate motivation, attention, interest, and so on.

I really puzzle over what makes these "normal" people excited. Talking endlessly about this new wood floor you're considering getting, really that subject can get you going for hours at a time?? And I'm supposed to act like I'm interested too? I don't get it.

The explanation really is dopamine levels. The science is complex, the concept is simple. A long time ago when I took stimulant meds for ADD, anything was interesting to me, things that I would rarely even think about were suddenly more stimulating.

To a lesser extent, caffeine also helps. It perks me up and makes me feel better, thus providing a backdrop of stimulation that can make an ordinary situation more intriguing.
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Old 11-28-2013
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by LazyHermitCrab View Post
I feel bad cuz I get impatient during conversations and if affects my limited relationships. I was talking to someone and everything was fine until he said, "really you know that actor?" and "really you know that movie?" It felt like he was surprised I knew it and didn't take me seriously and I overreacted. Also he kept quoting movie lines and I didn't listen and zoned out. People say I seem distracted in conversations. :( Maybe because I lack patience and drink too much caffeine or something. Anyone else?
It sounds like this person was being self-indulgent and expounding at length on their own specific interests only.
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Old 11-29-2013
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LazyHermitCrab View Post
I feel bad cuz I get impatient during conversations and if affects my limited relationships. I was talking to someone and everything was fine until he said, "really you know that actor?" and "really you know that movie?" It felt like he was surprised I knew it and didn't take me seriously and I overreacted. Also he kept quoting movie lines and I didn't listen and zoned out. People say I seem distracted in conversations. :( Maybe because I lack patience and drink too much caffeine or something. Anyone else?
Does this happen to all conversations you have or just this one?

Also consider if you're getting your own thoughts and opinions in the conversation. If it's all one-sided, it can get tedious, no matter who you're talking to. Part of effective communication is having both parties being given time and opportunity to talk.

On a more social level, I read that modern life is making people more impatient. The explosion of instant gratification (pornography, YouTube, Facebook) means longer, in-depth conversations are no more than a boring exercise in tedium for a lot of people. Why talk at length about something when you can post it on Facebook for the world to see, when you can then reply with "thats cool lol yolo" and be done with it? Or, for the even lazier, just like their status! Brilliant!

However....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bronson99 View Post
I really puzzle over what makes these "normal" people excited. Talking endlessly about this new wood floor you're considering getting, really that subject can get you going for hours at a time?? And I'm supposed to act like I'm interested too? I don't get it.
While I don't know a single person who could talk for hours about wooden floors, part of being a good friend is to be interested in, or at least show attention to, what your friend is talking about. If I went up to a friend of mine and they were visibly uninterested and/or uncaring about something exciting I wanted to share, would they be a friend?

I have had friends in the past - one in particular springs to mind - who would always, always, always talk about herself in great detail, and couldn't give two shits about what I wanted to discuss, unless she could throw a segue about her life. That was awful.

To answer your question, Bronson: yes, act interested, or at least act like you're listening and not trying to turn the conversation back to yourself. However, be reasonable, too. You have as much worth as your friend does.
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Old 11-29-2013
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I know for me it depends on the person and what the conversation is about. I remember doing a course one time and the lecturer was going on about stuff I already knew and she said I had a glazed look in my eye, which was probably true, but why I might have been bored I was still listening to every word she said, I just couldn't make myself look interested.
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Old 11-29-2013
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Are you participating in them much? If you're just listening while people do things like toss out movie quotes and facts, then that's probably why it gets boring. Not a lot of people have interesting monologues.
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Old 11-29-2013
Zod
 

I have trouble with this also.

So many things people talk about seem so incredibly trivial and pointless. Some people really seem to have a steady supply of stuff to talk about, whereas I mostly want to keep things short and simple. I think Bronson99 is right on the money that it might have something to do with ADD. Also, it's sometimes just a matter of differing interests and so forth.
Most of the time at work I'd rather just shut up and daydream a bit, or just focus completely on the work, but awkward silences are painful also.
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Old 11-29-2013
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MikeyC View Post
While I don't know a single person who could talk for hours about wooden floors, part of being a good friend is to be interested in, or at least show attention to, what your friend is talking about. If I went up to a friend of mine and they were visibly uninterested and/or uncaring about something exciting I wanted to share, would they be a friend?

I have had friends in the past - one in particular springs to mind - who would always, always, always talk about herself in great detail, and couldn't give two shits about what I wanted to discuss, unless she could throw a segue about her life. That was awful.

To answer your question, Bronson: yes, act interested, or at least act like you're listening and not trying to turn the conversation back to yourself. However, be reasonable, too. You have as much worth as your friend does.
The "wooden floor I'm getting for my new house".. that person is the kind you're talking about in the bold print. Everything they're doing in life, every last thing, is interesting for them, but not so much for the other person.

But I was talking more in broad terms about what I perceive as "normal people." Anything, almost anything, is interesting to many of these "normal" people. I'm saying, I wish I could be like that, it would make things a lot easier for me. It's not presumptuous for me to say that people without ADD can focus better than people with ADD. The simple logical conclusion one derives from this fact is that somehow, mundane activity--anything from discussing the different kinds of wooden floors available, to reading a book about the History of Door Knobs from front to back--is more stimulating for them. Why this is, that's something that's up for debate, but it is a general consensus among researchers. The ADD and non-ADD brain are different.
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Old 11-29-2013
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bronson99 View Post
The "wooden floor I'm getting for my new house".. that person is the kind you're talking about in the bold print. Everything they're doing in life, every last thing, is interesting for them, but not so much for the other person.

But I was talking more in broad terms about what I perceive as "normal people." Anything, almost anything, is interesting to many of these "normal" people. I'm saying, I wish I could be like that, it would make things a lot easier for me. It's not presumptuous for me to say that people without ADD can focus better than people with ADD. The simple logical conclusion one derives from this fact is that somehow, mundane activity--anything from discussing the different kinds of wooden floors available, to reading a book about the History of Door Knobs from front to back--is more stimulating for them. Why this is, that's something that's up for debate, but it is a general consensus among researchers. The ADD and non-ADD brain are different.
Talk to my confident, outgoing friend about wooden floors and he would be bored instantly.

I guess it depends on personality, as well, and whether you're interested in learning about new things, if you're even an approachable and likeable person, and so on.
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Old 11-29-2013
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I can have long conversation with myself and I always listen, never get bored. Politics never gets in the way, we share the same interests, similar expectations. I'm not kidding myself that I am some master conversationalist, so I am hesitant about being critical of what anyone else has to talk about.
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Old 11-29-2013
Zod
 

i think it's also partly a cognitive thing, at least with me. Maybe because as introverts we spend more time alone, or more time reading (on the internet or books) we don't have as much mental finesse with talking in person.

In most conversations I have absolutely no clue what to say. When people talk about things like regulations, work related things, financial things, cars, sports, maintenance, technical stuff, I usually have a very basic and somewhat childish knowledge of these things, or have trouble gathering what I do know and throwing it out there. My interest lies more with politics, movies, culture, music, history, a bit of science, and that sort of thing. I usually save my neck with these conversations by pretending I'm somewhat knowledgable, cover myself up by making jokes, or just don't speak at all.
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