Why do I bother help people?!

I help a lot of people who are going through a tough time and wanting to commit suicide. (This is over facebook)

Theres this one guy, where I have been helping him for the past month now. He wanted some advice and I gave some advice. He replied back saying something along the lines with "how dare you give me advice"
Yes I did told him off for that, and he was shocked.

This guy that I am helping is getting bullied at school and I told him "remember school doesn't last very long" he kept replying "But I want to leave school"
I did try and ask him why he said that, he had no answer.

At one point, he said he has been cutting his wrists because what a friend said to him. I keep telling him "you are better than that" but he keeps arguing with me saying something like "But i want to die"
So i said "you're stupid" and I told him the reason why because he has got a lot of friends and family that are supporting him. However, when I try and help him he calls me names. (I know I can be harsh to people and very honest)

Now that I deleted him off facebook because every time when I try and help, he has an argument with me. I just decided to deleted him from my friends list.

He still keeps on insisting that he just wants a conversation, but everytime that I do. He creates an argument.

What should I do?? :question:

He feels bad and you call him stupid? Then you claim that he creates an argument?

... :thumbup:

Hellhound said:

He feels bad and you call him stupid? Then you claim that he creates an argument?

... :thumbup:

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He was and he is. I know how it feels when having thoughts on suicide. Like I said I know I can be honest, well too honest.

But even when before I didn't call him stupid, he still created an argument.

PrincessKitty said:

He was and he is. I know how it feels when having thoughts on suicide. Like I said I know I can be honest, well too honest.

But even when before I didn't call him stupid, he still created an argument.

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I think that there's been misunderstanding on both his and your end, which won't help either of you. It only seems to be leading to both of you becoming frustrated, and now its resulting in you worrying about what to do.

On his part, I think it was rude of him to tell you "how dare you give me advice", as you said he did. Some people who ask for help turn away or criticize the advice they get because what people are advising them to do is not what the person wants to hear. Other times, the person doesn't feel the advice suits them, so they may get angry about it. I'm not sure what caused him to lash out at you out of the blue, maybe you did or said something beforehand to upset him.

When it comes to you calling him stupid, I know you said you told him that because you're harsh and honest with people, but I think your comment crossed the line between being harsh and being rude. Even if he does have family and friends who are supporting him, he may still be struggling to find any faith or worth in himself. People can still feel trapped, depressed, and lonely, even when they have others supporting and looking after them.

If he is continuing to get into arguments with you, and you both are getting frustrated, it might be best to back away from the situation. The two of you going back and forth with each other isn't useful, and will probably make the both of you feel worse.

No good deed goes unpunished.

PrincessKitty said:

Like I said I know I can be honest, well too honest.

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There's a fine line between being honest and being a... you-know-what.

If you understand what it is like, the last thing you want to do is to make the person feel bad. I don't agree with your ways, sorry.

PerseverareJasmine said:

Some people who ask for help turn away or criticize the advice they get because what people are advising them to do is not what the person wants to hear.

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This. I think people when in dire situations tend to get stuck easily to a kind of positive-feedback loop, hence reinforcing one's negative thoughts in that case OP commented. Probably, his plea for advice was probably just to get someone's attention, regardless of the apparent rejection.

I've been in both situations (asking for help in a kind of passive-agressive way, and in giving advice to desperate people), and I came to the conclusion that the best course of action until that person hasn't started to break his/her own feedback loop is, even if it's not 100% honest or sincere, to reassure him in whatever he/she says. Then, right after that person has been relieved of that inner burden simply by having talked about it and received some level of understanding that was inexistent up to that point, may you start to interact and express your opinions, but not before. At least that's what I found it worked the most when trying to help other people.

When dealing with people with problems of depression, anger, suicidal thoughts and such, you cannot expect them to be polite, logical and self-controlled. They are driven by strong negative emotions so of course they might get angry at you, call you names, and be completely lacking of common sense. If you care about helping these people, I don't think you can afford to let these things get to you. And I think there is a great importance with your choice of words - You might want to replace stupid by something less subjective.

vitalis said:

I've been in both situations (asking for help in a kind of passive-agressive way, and in giving advice to desperate people), and I came to the conclusion that the best course of action until that person hasn't started to break his/her own feedback loop is, even if it's not 100% honest or sincere, to reassure him in whatever he/she says. Then, right after that person has been relieved of that inner burden simply by having talked about it and received some level of understanding that was inexistent up to that point, may you start to interact and express your opinions, but not before. At least that's what I found it worked the most when trying to help other people.

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And I think I agree with that

Stop trying to help him.
Sometimes by trying to help people, we allow them to wallow in their self pity.
In the end you can try to help people as much as you want.
Support is great.
But the only true person that can help them is themselves.

A lot of weird, bored people on the internet. Maybe he isn't feeling or going through any of those things but just enjoys toying with you and stringing you along. Personally, I would let it go. The relationship sounds vaguely toxic with no real benefit for either of you.