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Old 05-30-2009  
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Default Why do i get obsessed over men???

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Last edited by mimi1988; 08-28-2010 at 10:25 PM..
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Old 05-30-2009  
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Default Re: Why do i get obsessed over men???

I uesd to betha exact same way. there was this one beautiful girl when I was in high school. I mean she was every guy's fantasy. Light indian complexion, long black hair, a beautiful body and a smile to match. She didnt go out to party, and every boy wanted her. I told myself i had to get with her after her and her friends were looking at me and when I turned my back she was doin this sort of lovey dovey thing with her mouth. I turned back around quickly n caught her and she cudnt stop laughing an her friend was laughing at her too. I didnt ha the courage until months later to approach her. I did and everything was going so good. Until she graduated frm her junior college and I was still stuck at high school. lol. She stopped chatting and I cudnt stop thinking about her for months, always saying that she wud come back online to chat sometime, she never did. lol. I saw her like a year or two afterwards n she didnt even remember me, I didnt go up to ask, but she looked at me and looked away. She has a bf now n they been living together for a while now. i did forget about her tho it was hard. I passed by a store that her parents own just wednesday afternoon, just to see if she was still there. lol

Dont ever forget the moment u began to doubt, transitioning from fitting in, to standing out...
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Old 05-30-2009  
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Default Re: Why do i get obsessed over men???

No its cool. This is a place to vent. altho i havent been THAT much infatuated to the point of passwords n stuff. I think I kno wat u mean. Along with that girl, there has been others, who maybe I just come into contact with sometimes, just pop into my mind all the time. I try not to think about them bcuz i dont want that feeling of never being able to talk to them, even tho i might see them alot. I kno that death thing must be pretty bad to deal with, especially since you haven't even had a proper conversation with him. Only time heals those kinds of wounds, so just giv it sum.

Dont ever forget the moment u began to doubt, transitioning from fitting in, to standing out...
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Old 05-30-2009  
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Default Re: Why do i get obsessed over men???

All this obsession over a single person is because of a profound disconnect from yourself and any sort of identity. You scold yourself, but give everybody else all the credit in the world. You have self esteem issues of the most drastic kind. This guy you obsessed over treated you like shit in one of your few interactions, but you give him all the credit in the world. If you had ended up together, you would of been abused and battered and ended up pregnant and would have been even more worse off, so be glad he's dead and that can't happen. However, in your current condition, his spot will be filled by someone else soon.

You need to come to grips with yourself. You are so needy of male attention, you will give anybody a chance and since *******s can spot this like as if you had a sign on your head that states "Here I am, USE me!" with a big smiley face undert it, you are going to suffer unless you give yourself a chance.

I don;t recommend medication. You need some serious cognitive therapy.

Best of luck to you, you deserve peace from your turmoil

Last edited by Jared; 05-30-2009 at 06:36 AM.. Reason: forgot words
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Old 05-30-2009  
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Default Re: Why do i get obsessed over men???

Sometimes when you are down you tend to put your hopes on another person,kind like this person is the one who will save me/bring me happiness and you end up building an image of this person who does not match the real person.
I am guilty,2 times,there was this girl I really liked,never felt this way about somebody else,I talked little with her,but she was always around me and I always would be looking at her and thinking oh I just want to kiss you and she would smile,giggle back but I never did anything I was to afraid,I regret this so bad,she ended up going back to Brazil.
Then there was this one who was the most beautiful girl I have ever seen,if you saw this girl in person you wouldnt believe your eyes, it wasnt as intense as the first,but I couldnt help but be obssesed by her beauty,it was a different kind of obssession than the first.


Last edited by Rodox; 05-30-2009 at 02:00 PM..
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Old 05-30-2009  
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Default Re: Why do i get obsessed over men???

i highly advise paragraphing your text to 1 paragraph for every 2-3 sentences.

My favorite quotes:

"Our greatest battles are that with our own minds"

"Do not follow where the path may lead; go instead where there is no path and leave a trail"
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Old 05-30-2009  
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Default Re: Why do i get obsessed over men???

there was once a beautiful girl i was obsessed over... she always calls me by my name when she sees me.. but now due my social phobia we don't even talk, this sucks
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Old 05-30-2009  
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Default Re: Why do i get obsessed over men???

Out of curiosity may I ask how he died?

Also, I think this guy sounds like a right *******, and anyway he's dead now (no offense intended), so you can't have a crush on a dead man. Maybe he had it coming for him (being criminal etc.); wouldn't wanna mix with these types of people...

I hide myself within my flower,
That wearing on your breast,
You, unsuspecting, wear me too --
And angels know the rest.

I hide myself within my flower,
That, fading from your vase,
You, unsuspecting, feel for me
Almost a loneliness.


-Emily Dickenson
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Old 05-30-2009  
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Default Re: Why do i get obsessed over men???

I always thought it was kinda well known that most SA'ers fall in love with anything that so much as smiles and shares an interest.

Intellectual honesty is characterized by a readiness to scrutinize what one believes to be true, and to pay sufficient attention to other evidence available
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Old 05-31-2009  
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Default Re: Why do i get obsessed over men???

Quote:
Originally Posted by mimi1988 View Post
But I'm more so curious as to WHY I obsess over people so easily and for such lengthy periods of time! Maybe no one has the answer to that. But I'd feel a lot better knowing there were other people in this world like me lol. I mean, c'mon! How many people do you know who obsess over people they barely know for 4 and 5 years??? Maybe my SA has something to do with it (I don't know), but this is pretty strange. I want to stop this behavior but I don't know how.
I think that I kind of do this too, but not to the same extent. I think I dismiss my obsessions pretty quickly because I know that they are irrational and that I probably don't stand a chance with the person anyway (especially if I'm too afraid to talk to them), so why waste my energy.

And I think SA has a lot to do with it... I'm sure this is more common than the responses thus far have indicated. I can't say for sure, but it just makes sense that when you have limited social contact, you would easily get obsessed over one person (or even a few perhaps) because you don't really interact with that many people to begin with. You feel the need to hold on to the few that show you any attention or spark your interest because you see your chances of connecting with a new person as very low. And perhaps we "idealize" our view of that person because we want them to fit into our vision of the "perfect" match for us, and maybe we take comfort in living in the fantasy that our mind has created because we instinctively know that we won't find it that easily, if at all, in the real world.

I'm not sure how to not obsess in this manner, except perhaps learning to engage yourself with more people so that this kind of attention happens more often and isn't perceived in your mind as being "rare" anymore. And we need to be willing to see people as they really are, and not just how we would like for them to be, along with accepting that no one is going to be "perfect."
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