Why do I not attract guys? Repel them?

polishgirl

Well-known member
I know this might sound silly and so teenagy. Im 16 years old and I feel like I repel guys. I know that I am not physically unattractive, because I have been told that multiple times. However, there must be something in my presence or my behavior that completely pushes guys away. Is it my complete lack of confidence? Maybe Im too self-contious and that repels guys?
The typical example would be me and my friends dancing at a concert. All of them have guys around them, except me. I feel ignored, almost left out and it gives me that terrible feeling that something is wrong with me. I am pretty sure I am no less physically attractive. Im confident about my looks, but not about my personality... I feel like I need to prove myself to guys, like I
m not good enough for their attention and then get really stressed out. Does any one have that, too? I run away from any possible contact, too, although not consciously. There is something I must do that guys find unattractive. It drives me crazy.
 

dyingtolive

Well-known member
maybe its body language. they say it is 80% of communication. do you feel comfortable yourself? or do you start feeling awkward when guys are near or around you?
 

Daniel089

Well-known member
OK I'm not the best guy to give an advice I may can help you.
You want to be with guys because you desire that, or only because you are jealous of your girl friends?
If you would really like to have an impact on other dudes you shouldn't worry about a thing, you just need to be yourself. Besides I don't understand why every girl wants to dance with at least 10 different guy in a party, just have fun in the way you always used to have. There is really nothing wrong with you, you just envy others.
Guys must prove theirselves to girls and not vice versa, if the guy doesn't see you need his attention then he is blind.
 
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this_portrait

Well-known member
While I wasn't interested in dating at 16, I went through the same thing you're going through between the ages of 18-21. I wondered why guys rarely approached me even though I'm not physically unattractive. I figured that I gave off vibes that would keep guys away.

But you know what? I've been learning that guys are pretty intimidated by girls who are above average in the looks department. It's like their confidence plummets when they're around girls they find to be really attractive, so they'll stay away unless the girl approaches them (or unless they manage to get enough confidence to do the approaching). Guys can be just as scared of rejection as girls.

This may sound scary, but in situations like this, you might have to do the approaching. Or, if you would rather have the guy approach you, then you could show interest in one (by locking eyes from across a room, for example), because then he'll feel a bit more confident in approaching you.
 

coyote

Well-known member
But you know what? I've been learning that guys are pretty intimidated by girls who are above average in the looks department. It's like their confidence plummets when they're around girls they find to be really attractive, so they'll stay away unless the girl approached them (or unless they manage to get enough confidence to do the approaching). Guys can be just as scared of rejection as girls.

this is what i was thinking, too

i've seen your photo, polishgirl, and i can honestly say that i would have been terrified to approach you when i was 16 years old

because you're so attractive, i would have assumed i didn't have a chance
 

Boby

Well-known member
I'm with dyingtolive on this one,body language is important.
In that concert scenario you mentioned I'm pretty sure a lot of guys would like to dance with you but if you don't acknowledge his presence or make eye contact that guy won't get near you because that will be awkward.You have to be a bit more perceptive to guys that are trying to interact with you and try to just give a sign like:"Hi your cool,you can approach" .The signs that you are displaying now are maybe more like:"No,don't approach" and guys will avoid you ,because if they insist it will be creepy and awkward.
 

dyingtolive

Well-known member
i agree ^ pretty girls really can scare guys.. although as a guy it feels really nice when a girl is nice, especially if a pretty girl is nice, that's not often, so if you make guys feel that they have nothing to be afraid of, u should have no problem.. as a guy or a person in general, im not repelled by ppl who don't have stand out personalities or who are quiet. but nice people who smile genuinely is more comforting and i would be attracted to them more
 

MikeyC

Well-known member
i've seen your photo, polishgirl, and i can honestly say that i would have been terrified to approach you when i was 16 years old

because you're so attractive, i would have assumed i didn't have a chance
Yeah, pretty much.

polishgirl, I remember your photo and I would've been way too scared to approach you when I was 16. I would put you in a league outside my own and left it at that.

As this_portrait has said, maybe you have to do the approaching. I'm sure you'll get a lot of interested guys. :)
 

polishgirl

Well-known member
Thank you for your responses, guys! I would really like to think I push guys away because I am too attractive, but that seems like an excuse rather. I know girls that are way more attractive than I am and they get chased by guys :) I am rather positive it is something I do... I think it's the fact that I'm so scared of any kind of rejection and feel so insecure that I unconsciously push them away not to get hurt. Even though, in the end it gets me even more hurt because it leaves with this awful feeling that I'm unworthy of attention.

You want to be with guys because you desire that, or only because you are jealous of your girl friends?

I think there is some part of me that wants to prove to myself that I CAN be attractive. But it's definitely not forced haha :) and I don't mean dancing with 10 guys, no, no, not at all. It's the other way - I don't only mean physical attraction, even though I gave an example that's based on that, but also someone that can find my personality attractive :)

and thank you MikeyC and Coyote for the compliments, made my day! :)
 

MikeyC

Well-known member
I think it's the fact that I'm so scared of any kind of rejection and feel so insecure that I unconsciously push them away not to get hurt.
I sometimes wonder if I do this, too.

There's a great guy out there for you, polishgirl. You're only 16 so you may have to meet and date a few guys to find him, but hopefully you cherish the experience.
 

SM1010

Well-known member
I'm going to give you advice as if you were a guy.

Maybe you should start approaching guys. Instead of waiting and hoping for an attractive guy to approach you why don't you approach him? The old gender roles theories that guys only enjoy doing the chasing is completely false. There is no guy in the world that doesn't enjoy being approached by an attractive woman.

It'll build your confidence and make you start feeling good about yourself. Start with small steps. Just start saying "hi" to guys, that's all. Nothing more. You'll make so many guy's days while also conquering your own fears and improving your own self confidence.
 

KiaKaha

Banned
Fact of the matter is that because you are an attractive young woman, it means you will have some degree of power over men and over some women too. It's just the way it is. A lot of guys will be intimidated by you - as most men are with girls who are obviously out of their league.
In saying that though, you may - whether or not it be true - be discriminated against, be accused of conceitedness or snobbery (a very high risk for someone in your position), have unwanted attention, be preyed upon and be stereotyped.
If you are able to remain down to earth and see things in an objective way - without using just your looks to win people over, but using the natural confidence that your appearance grants you - then people will be able to see you for you, warm up to you, and approach you - all the while making you feel more secure about yourself and how other react to you.

The most powerful people in the world arent politicians or scientists. They are attractive women.
 
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