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Old 12-08-2005  
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Default Why do i push people away

Its really awful i am rubbish at friendships and relationships in general and really wont friend but as soon as someone is getting at all friendly I seem to push them away. If someone wants to help me Id much rather work it out on my own. I dont know if this is something most people with sa have or is it just me! :?
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Old 12-08-2005  
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No, you're not alone. im always scared of someone getting close to me incase they "find out" how sad certain parts of my life are. and i always feel pressure. if we had a good time hanging out one time, what about the next and the next time after that? how do i maintain that interest that person may have had for me in da beginning??
on the other hand i really want to find that closeness whether it be with a friend or in a relationship. but i cant express in words how much aniexty and worry i get thinking of someone i like finding out. more so than first meeting the person.
I generally dont like asking for help. its like a sign of weakness. i know its not and in some circumstances its actually brave. but i always feel stupid/inadequate when asking for help. i get upset if i need it.
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Old 12-08-2005  
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I always seem to push people away because of my shyness. They think I'm cold and distant, but I'm just shy and somewhat socially inept.

It matters not how strait the gate
How charged with punishments the scroll;
I am the master of my fate
I am the captain of my soul.
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Old 12-09-2005  
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I think it is very common with s.a, I certainly do it all the time. I seem to be incapable of expressing any feelings to anyone, I cant stand the thought that I may be percieved as weak, although when you think about it I am really being weak by not allowing anyone to form a judgement of me. Im not brave enough to handle peoples dislike.
I can relate to what you said Skyla, I also dont want people to know how sad some parts of my life are so I go to great lengths to cover things up. Oh my goodness, its like I cant even accept that I am human, like everyone else.

The less you talk, the more your listened to.
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Old 12-09-2005  
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yeah i can totally relate. when i first meet someone i'm all nice and talkative, but after a day or two, i tend to withdraw. i'm also not good with getting close to people, even family, and i never offer hugs or say 'i love you' (now i'm crying) :cry: , i am such a freak! i know it must hurt my mum that i am so cold, i know it sounds silly but i'm just too embarrassed to do those things. the way i am right now i don't think i'll ever have a boyfriend, and it really kills me cos i'm actually a romantic at heart. :cry: . is there anyone else who is as freakish as me?
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Old 12-09-2005  
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I don't think we are freaks, I just think that we have trouble with the emotional stuff. You mention being a romantic at heart, thats is lovely. Do you think maybe you fear the reality not being able to match up with the fantasy?. I do.

The less you talk, the more your listened to.
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Old 12-09-2005  
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I feel the same way as many of the things stated here already. I feel like I've built a wall around me to keep people out. I did it to protect myself but now I'm trapped behind it. Even though it gets lonely and I really want people to come inside, I just don't know how to connect with them and I also fear the rejection/pain it could cause if people would know the real me. I've spent so much strength and energy building this wall that I don't currently have the energy to tear it down. I'm safe and comfortable behind my wall, even though it's quite barren inside. The closer someone gets to trying to come behind my wall, the harder I'll fight to keep them out. Not that I want to, I just feel the need to protect myself. Well anyway, that's just my two cents.
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Old 12-10-2005  
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I dont intentionally push people away...but I seem to SCARE everyone away or something. Eventually EVERYONE I meet(and I do mean EVERYONE, except my family--they're stuck with me :cry: ) leaves me after a short while...without any explanation or anything...for no apparent reason, they just stop talking to me or stop coming around. People really hate me and wish I would die. :evil:
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Old 12-10-2005  
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thereishope, hold on.. we're on the same boat.

i never have a boyfriend. and somehow i got the feeling that i will never have.. i like to be hug, when i fantasised, i always fantasised being hug and hearing someone say he love me and will be for the rest of his life..
But when i realized it's just my fantasy, i'd just shiver and break down..

The family part, i try to stay positive.. i just tell myself that my family is not a 'hugging family' type.. sometimes i blame the lack of love and hugs in my family for my SA. :cry:
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Old 12-17-2005  
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I push people away all the time. I'm not proud of it, in fact I can be a complete shit sometimes. I can't even put my finger on as to why i do it. I've been asked by my sister and her family to join them ForChristmas, but I turned them down. I swear to god, sometimes I'm only happy when I'm miserable.

Well it started badly, tailed off a bit in the middle, and the less said about the end the better!
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Old 12-25-2005  
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Yep - i'm a serial people pusher! It 's been going on for pretty much all my life, recently i've begun thinking im a bit of a narcissist. That i take after my father and you have more chance of getting love out of a stone than anything from me.

Over the yaers i've had 'contact' with different social circles and eventually they all get left behind - like i'm on a one man mission to leave everyone else behind so i can be happily miserable on my own. I always used to have this recurring dream of being left behind when i was younger, maybe some people are better off on their own?

Just reading what others have said, it's still comforting to read of other people having similar feelings:

"I feel that if I let them get too close...I will then have to give more away of myself than I am comfortable with. "

I understand, far too well.
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Old 12-25-2005  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Skyla
i always feel pressure. if we had a good time hanging out one time, what about the next and the next time after that? how do i maintain that interest that person may have had for me in da beginning??
on the other hand i really want to find that closeness whether it be with a friend or in a relationship. but i cant express in words how much aniexty and worry i get thinking of someone i like finding out. more so than first meeting the person.
i have the same reaction. when i first meet people i seem to be able to be witty and make some small talk, but when i meet people again i seem to withdraw. i don't know why i do this. on the one hand i long for a close friend, but on the other i am afraid that someone will find out that i am lame after all.
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Old 12-26-2005  
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Oh yetisbabe, :cry: is this the fella that you were talking about in the 'how do you feel' post?.

The less you talk, the more your listened to.
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Old 12-26-2005  
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Yeah, im with all of you on this one. I can somewhat cover up my anxiety in a group of new people, but its worse if there is even one person there ive seen before. Ive always broken contact with people too. I think more normal folks dont persue friendship with me cause i dont really reciprocate, so the only people i hang out with are increasingly messed up (codependent?) which certainly doesnt help. I almost didnt go home for christmas cause my grandfather, aunt, and brother were there... and ive thought about not talking to my parents anymore... then id really be alone. sux
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Old 12-29-2005  
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I tend to push people away and out, people who i get on well with i.e. relationships i stop putting effort in especially when there is a prospect of going out with someone. Also at times i push my friends out and stuff. Im very lucky to have good friends and i realise that but at times im really short with them and i just cant help it. Im becoming terrified that i will lose them, i hate the fact they are amazing people and obviously want to be my friends but at the end of the day its just me causing any problems.
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Old 03-11-2006  
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I have realized that so many of my problems with relationships stem from pushing people away. The ones that get through to me are the most persistent. And then I am not so sure I want them. When I go after what I want, I feel vulnerable (obviously) and then am afraid of rejection and getting my heart broken. I don't know if I should continue trying to go after what I want, or and let myself feel insecure in relationships, or should I just continue to have relationships with people who do not threaten my security ever, and who I am not afraid of. I tend to look for people who are a lot like me so my sense of self is not threatened by someone who is different (how odd). I think with someone who is different, I tend to lose my sense of self, but isn't that what life is about, learning and growing?
So I am afraid that I am doomed to end up with the person who is so much like me and will continue to accept me even if I try to push them away. Pretty pathetic and sounds like a life filled with routine......
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Old 03-13-2006  
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I can relate to alot of whats been said. i can talk to strangers the first time (sort of), though once familiarity sets in i can go kind of blank and become withdrawn.
Sometimes when im in a social situation i have this feeling like there is a pane of glass between me and everyone else, like im standing outside a giant snowdome looking in -just watching but not being able to reach through..
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Old 08-17-2006  
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this is kind of intresting, i was googling it up to get a msn name, and i searched i why do i push people away, and well stumbled on this

I can pretty much relate to 90% of the post's on here, wich kinda freaks me out. I never actualy thought about something being wrong with me, i duno i figured it was just a pase, but i Push people away so much, people i work with im great, people i never see im great. i have 2 friends i pretty much hang arownd with. lots of other friends well i had...
I think everyone got sick of me not calling, haning out, talking to them, that they gave up hope, over the last 2 years i have deffntly lost a part of me.

I crave a relashionship soo bad anytime anyone shows intrest i think theres another motive i con my self into thinking something so i dont have to go threw seeing them again or something like that. Ihave a fun style tattoos pretty normnal 21 year old,out going, but anytime someone shows intrest i talk my self out of it.

Sorry this is all over the place.
Not sure what to say actualy, just kind of shocked most of you are dealing with the exact same problems as me...
hmmm everyday i crave to have someone by my sidem, but at the same time it seems alot easyer to be alone.
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Old 05-02-2007  
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Default Why I push people away

I can feel for all of you here. My situation however is unique. What makes it unique is that I was close to two people in particular and suddenly I feel I can't be near them. I look down quicky whenever we make eye contact and if I see them walking, I walk the other way. I truly enjoy having them in my company and now I push them away? I am really confused and I am scared to go back to talk to them because I am sure they will turn me away. I guess the reason the way I act like this because we have been through alot together. But that should not be an excuse! I wish to heaven that someone can help me! Thank you for listening!

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Old 06-07-2007  
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I scare people away, I let myself trust someone and then they throw it back in my face...and it happens all the time......I spend all my time wondering what I've done wrong to deserve it, and whether I could have done things differently.....with a feeling like I'm about to throw up or cry or both :( :cry: :oops:

We're not mental or anything, so don't be afraid.
Wayne Campbell
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