Because, i'm scare of the possibility of rejection. So, i choose to watch and staring at her from afar without her knowledge. In this way, she will always be the perfect women in my heart. Low self-esteem and lack of courage and shy. Let me put it this way. In case, i did let her know how i felt for her... and, she reject it and start avoiding me. I can't no longer see her again.
Why do love-shy men NOT want to show they like/love a woman?
- Thread starter TooShyShy
- Start date
Because, i'm scare of the possibility of rejection. So, i choose to watch and staring at her from afar without her knowledge. In this way, she will always be the perfect women in my heart. Low self-esteem and lack of courage and shy. Let me put it this way. In case, i did let her know how i felt for her... and, she reject it and start avoiding me. I can't no longer see her again.
Kiwong
Well-known member
Because I am a platonic person, and I am not intereted in forming a relationship with a woman however attractive or intelligent they might be.
I might be physically attracted to a woman, but it is an attraction that I don't want to take any further. I say NO to romantic to relationships.
I might be physically attracted to a woman, but it is an attraction that I don't want to take any further. I say NO to romantic to relationships.
That is the question i ask myself all the time. What IF? Tired thinking about relationship... Who on earth would want a guy with SAD?
lunaticbinge
Well-known member
Yeah no kidding. Confidence is the main attribute you need to socialize and what is the first thing most women say they want in a man? Exactly.
I have friends with shy/not outgoing boyfriends or husbands and they seem quite happy together.
I think it is a myth that a bf or husband would need to be ohh-so-perfect and outgoing and socialize a lot. Often, it is the women who do most of the socializing, so I think you guys don't need to obsess about it so much. And maybe with the right woman you could overcome or accept your SA/shyness better?
Women also appreciate things like being a good person and interesting and good to talk to (even if you just listen). I've been told I'm great to talk to even when I mostly just listened...
Many women might prefer a shy guy to someone who drinks in bars all the time and is an alcoholic...
There are lots of different women out there and they may want totally different things... (Then again, it may depend on the age group a bit too..) Too much confidence can be bad too.. Like always, a good balance is important! You can get confidence with the successes in your life, it's not like something that never changes.
I think it is a myth that a bf or husband would need to be ohh-so-perfect and outgoing and socialize a lot. Often, it is the women who do most of the socializing, so I think you guys don't need to obsess about it so much. And maybe with the right woman you could overcome or accept your SA/shyness better?
Women also appreciate things like being a good person and interesting and good to talk to (even if you just listen). I've been told I'm great to talk to even when I mostly just listened...
Many women might prefer a shy guy to someone who drinks in bars all the time and is an alcoholic...
There are lots of different women out there and they may want totally different things... (Then again, it may depend on the age group a bit too..) Too much confidence can be bad too.. Like always, a good balance is important! You can get confidence with the successes in your life, it's not like something that never changes.
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^well, that's good to hear. It means I still have hope 
Verynervous
Active member
My feelings are nothing like what some others mentioned her of being scared of them calling the police or something. I don't see that ever happening honestly.
Going on a first date is probably the scariest part of the whole deal, and 2nd is if she says no then it feels awkward around her when I see her.
Going on a first date is probably the scariest part of the whole deal, and 2nd is if she says no then it feels awkward around her when I see her.
theslowesthand
Banned
Lets see...
- fear of the unknown
- fear of the feeling of fear (silly, i know)
- punishing self; feeling sorry for self
- feel unlovabel/unattractive (& don't want to give her ANY chance to affirm this, thereby confirming it; maybe am "clinging-by-fingertips" to 'yes, i'm unnattractive, BUT JUST MAYBE that's not the case .. but i'm TERRIRIFIED to find out one way or the other, so i'll just AVOID finding out one way or the other .. and that way i can remain in denial, in my tentative "safe bubble", and feeling still in control')
- fear of change (maybe comfortable being single/alone; & scared of how your life would change with a woman in it)
- fear of losing control (of thoughts/feelings/actions)
- fear of being manipulated/controlled
- fear of rejection (can't forget that old gem!)
- unable to express feelings to others (or just to women?)
- fear of being seen as "weak" (& at mercy of such feelings)
- fear of feeling weak/pathetic (again, the "masculinity" thing/problem)
- expecting nothing to ever happen with any woman, and so in order to conserve effort/energy-expenditure/time (& prevent disappointment/frustration), don't even make any attempt to connect/etc
- much past bad experiences with women/people, and so do not want to give "the enemy" ANY opportunity whatsoever to hurt your feelings
- don't want to allow self to become attracted with any woman (to avoid the pain/frustration of it not going any further than simply one-sided attraction)
To sum it up...
- FEAR (or TERROR)
- fear of the unknown
- fear of the feeling of fear (silly, i know)
- punishing self; feeling sorry for self
- feel unlovabel/unattractive (& don't want to give her ANY chance to affirm this, thereby confirming it; maybe am "clinging-by-fingertips" to 'yes, i'm unnattractive, BUT JUST MAYBE that's not the case .. but i'm TERRIRIFIED to find out one way or the other, so i'll just AVOID finding out one way or the other .. and that way i can remain in denial, in my tentative "safe bubble", and feeling still in control')
- fear of change (maybe comfortable being single/alone; & scared of how your life would change with a woman in it)
- fear of losing control (of thoughts/feelings/actions)
- fear of being manipulated/controlled
- fear of rejection (can't forget that old gem!)
- unable to express feelings to others (or just to women?)
- fear of being seen as "weak" (& at mercy of such feelings)
- fear of feeling weak/pathetic (again, the "masculinity" thing/problem)
- expecting nothing to ever happen with any woman, and so in order to conserve effort/energy-expenditure/time (& prevent disappointment/frustration), don't even make any attempt to connect/etc
- much past bad experiences with women/people, and so do not want to give "the enemy" ANY opportunity whatsoever to hurt your feelings
- don't want to allow self to become attracted with any woman (to avoid the pain/frustration of it not going any further than simply one-sided attraction)
To sum it up...
- FEAR (or TERROR)
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johndreams
New member
it also depends on cultures. In asian societies it seems this shyness is especially clear. boys hardly ever associate with girls in school
dutchguy
Well-known member
For me it's mainly the fear that she'll think "why does this loser even think he has a chance with me? I'm going to tell this to all my friends and laugh about how pathetic he is"
While in all honesty I know a girl would be happy to have someone like me (I've been told this many times) I never feel like I'm 'good enough'...
While in all honesty I know a girl would be happy to have someone like me (I've been told this many times) I never feel like I'm 'good enough'...
TooShyShy
Well-known member
Sounds like you live with all of this daily...have you ever given ANYONE a chance, ever?
TooShyShy
Well-known member
Ok, but what if she let you know she was interested; dropped you a note to go for coffee, or told you you were funny, flirted a bit, etc. would that make a difference? Could you take a chance then?
dutchguy
Well-known member
I often notice girls looking at me, but while I'm pretty confident about my looks, I'm very insecure about my personality and lifestyle; I always think that when they find out how boring my life is, they'll be turned off.
I've actually had this happen numerous times - these days (hooray for dating sites) I have no problems initiating contact with a girl, but once it comes to smalltalk they lose interest very quickly. So as a result I'm hesitant to show my interest unless I'd know they like me for my personality - in that case I'd definitely be willing to take a chance.
dutchguy
Well-known member
I'd say she'd have to somehow show me that she understands me - that she knows I'm not a typical 'alpha male' and that that's why she appreciates me.
vj288
not actually Fiona Apple
Is it better to live this way and watch, stare, fantasize about her from afar and be sad and lonely rather than let the girl know you are attracted to her?[/QUOTE]
It may sound sad, but sometimes yes. It's better than being rejected or worse, holding her back because I'm not good enough.
It may sound sad, but sometimes yes. It's better than being rejected or worse, holding her back because I'm not good enough.