Why do people bully?

fizzie

Member
Is it because they find you an easy target? Is it a personal grudge even if you have never done anything to them before? Is it because they feel insecure about themselves? Or is it because they are showing off infront of their friends?

I think it is a mixture of these things but I wouldn't dream of bullying someone and making their lives hell and I feel sorry for someone who get's bullied but then I think, they don't feel sorry for me. I wish I was a stronger person who doesn't get so affected by these things. Anyone know what I mean?
 

jayo

Well-known member
People bully because then enjoy the power it gives to them.
This is why it's so important to confront bullies at the outset before these patterns take hold - this is why a bully never stops bullying - they enjoy the power it gives them.

If you're being bullied take action to stop it - trust me - it works.

They can never take our self respect if we refuse to give it to them - Gandhi.
 

arjuna

Well-known member
People bully because they can and because they enjoy dominating people. They don't usually pick on people who are stronger than they are: they enjoy torturing weaker ones. That is why it is recommendable to tell as many people as possible and to take self-defense lessons before the bullying gets chronic.
 

Carkie

New member
It's hard to pin down exactly why a bully acts the way he does. The easy answer is that he/she enjoys the power trip. But why do bullies need to feel that kind of "power," that is to say inflict suffering and humiliation on others, often in a public forum? Some bullies are the product of their environment, often having been the victims of abuse themselves. If this is what they have always known, this is the behaviour they will think is normal and desirable. You are the boss if you dominate. Other bullies come from "good families," and so people wonder what went wrong. Some freaky brain chemistry or lack of an empathy gene perhaps. The parents must have spoiled the kid rotten and forgot to teach them basic respect for others.

Whatever went wrong, most of the time the behaviour can be changed, but it requires that everyone gets involved. The victim has to speak out. The bystanders have to step in. The school and authorities have to crack down. The parents have to assume responsibility for their kid's actions. The bully has to accept help.

The worst thing to do is to do nothing. The victims will only continue to suffer, and the bully will continue to believe that he/she can get away with it. Why do bullies bully? Because they are allowed to.
 

maggie

Well-known member
fizzie said:
Is it because they find you an easy target? Is it a personal grudge even if you have never done anything to them before? Is it because they feel insecure about themselves? Or is it because they are showing off infront of their friends?

I think it is a mixture of these things but I wouldn't dream of bullying someone and making their lives hell and I feel sorry for someone who get's bullied but then I think, they don't feel sorry for me. I wish I was a stronger person who doesn't get so affected by these things. Anyone know what I mean?
ahh i know exactly what you mean fizzie..i think you're likely right, it's a combination of things..from my personal experience, the guy that bullied me the most..looking back, i think he had lots of bad shit going on at home, and took it out on the easiest target he could find..me :cry: You know what would be cool? Some kind of documentary show..or something..where they located all the bullies..and the ones who were bullied could show them..and tell them the real impact they had on our lives..and our self esteem..but i'd likely be too chicken anyway :roll:
 

alter_ego

Well-known member
People bully because they are inadequate in some area of their lives. Workplace bullies are inevitably incompetent in their job and to cover their tracks need to put down colleagues of a lower grade. Some workplace bullies bully because they feel threatened by someone in a lower grade who seems more popular, more able to cope with the job etc. School bullies usually have some kind of homelife problem (parents on drugs/drink/violent) not that that's any excuse. But again school bullies bully because they feel threatened by someone who is maybe prettier, more intelligent etc

Research apparently shows that school bullies frequently end up in jail!

I'm not writing this to make anyone feel better. I'm simply stating facts. :)
 

Vancouver

Well-known member
It's an insecurity. Then again, so is social phobia. I think everyone posting here can even slightly relate to them. They feel a need to get a rise out of people they perceive as weak so they can feel better about themselves. But apparently it never works, cause they're always coming back for more.

That seems like a pretty dead lifestyle. I'd rather be a little shy than to have to confront that image in the mirror everyday.
 

millymoocow

Well-known member
people bully for a number of reasons:

*they are very self-conscious, and they wanna project how they feel about themselves onto you

*they have/have had a very hard life, and they have to direct their anger somewhere

*they see you as a vulnerable, easy-to-hurt person

*they are really softies/quiet/etc. people but they dont want others to see them as that, so they bully you to make themselves look tough

*they want to be popular/have alot of power/have people scared of them

*they are secretly jealous of you and they want to make you look stupid in front of everyone else

*they know, or feel that, you have done them wrong so they are doing you wrong back.

i dont get it- there are people like me who wanna make everyone elses life better because they have not-so-perfect lives, and then there are people like bullies who have hard lives also but they gotta make everyone elses lives hell because they dont wanna be alone? :?

just remember-they bully cuz they are self-conscious and they arent as tough as they seem.

i hope that this helps people!
 

Jayce

Member
Bullies bully because they are nasty people.
Targets are targetted because they are nice people.
 

Kien

Well-known member
Bullies bully because they are sadists and knows they are tougher than the kids they bully so they know they wont have to bother the kid trying to fight back.
 

Hylke

Well-known member
Jayce said:
Bullies bully because they are nasty people.
Targets are targetted because they are nice people.

No, and no to everyone who says that bullies are evil/insecure.

We have evolved from animals, and just like in the animal kingdom there is much conflict within a group. People get bullied because this is how social groups work. Strong males humiliate weaker ones because that's the animal way of becoming a good sex partner/in dominance of the group.

It's both funny and depressing how understandable human behaviour becomes when you think about it in an evoutionairy way.
 
Hylke said:
Jayce said:
Bullies bully because they are nasty people.
Targets are targetted because they are nice people.

No, and no to everyone who says that bullies are evil/insecure.

We have evolved from animals, and just like in the animal kingdom there is much conflict within a group. People get bullied because this is how social groups work. Strong males humiliate weaker ones because that's the animal way of becoming a good sex partner/in dominance of the group.

It's both funny and depressing how understandable human behaviour becomes when you think about it in an evoutionairy way.

It is a little known fact, that what you believe determines how you act. That's the reason why there are bullies.

I disagree about the evolved from animals. No matter how much evidence it has, it's just "Strings of facts" but not actually a real fact, so no.
 

Jayce

Member
Hylke said:
No, and no to everyone who says that bullies are evil/insecure.

We have evolved from animals, and just like in the animal kingdom there is much conflict within a group. People get bullied because this is how social groups work. Strong males humiliate weaker ones because that's the animal way of becoming a good sex partner/in dominance of the group.

It's both funny and depressing how understandable human behaviour becomes when you think about it in an evoutionairy way.

Yes, we have EVOLVED. We have the ability to think. We have the ability to discern the difference between right and wrong. We have the ability to understand that our behaviour can either enhance another person's experience or diminish it. We have the power to choose which behaviour we will use. We are no longer victims of animal 'instincts'.
 
It's something they learn from: their parents, other kids, mainstream media, etc. If no one tells them it's wrong and they shouldn't do it, then it becomes a behavior / habit / coping mechanism.
 

Hylke

Well-known member
Jayce said:
Hylke said:
No, and no to everyone who says that bullies are evil/insecure.

We have evolved from animals, and just like in the animal kingdom there is much conflict within a group. People get bullied because this is how social groups work. Strong males humiliate weaker ones because that's the animal way of becoming a good sex partner/in dominance of the group.

It's both funny and depressing how understandable human behaviour becomes when you think about it in an evoutionairy way.

Yes, we have EVOLVED. We have the ability to think. We have the ability to discern the difference between right and wrong. We have the ability to understand that our behaviour can either enhance another person's experience or diminish it. We have the power to choose which behaviour we will use. We are no longer victims of animal 'instincts'.

In theory yes. In practice obviously not. All our role models, the way that sex is implemented into our society, the way we base our groups around power and strength. Our minds may have made our instincts more subtle, but they have certainly not disappeared. Especially amongst children, who are in many aspects like monkeys (;))

If you understand these 'undercurrents', you understand our society and how it can be influenced, and you certainly understand bullying. Sure bullies may be insecure, but not on a rational level. They are insecure on the level where any human is insecure to be an outsider to the group, but bullying is not a rational act, and solving it rationally (for example talking about it) won't work.
 

sleepysparrow

Well-known member
Jayce said:
Hylke said:
No, and no to everyone who says that bullies are evil/insecure.

We have evolved from animals, and just like in the animal kingdom there is much conflict within a group. People get bullied because this is how social groups work. Strong males humiliate weaker ones because that's the animal way of becoming a good sex partner/in dominance of the group.

It's both funny and depressing how understandable human behaviour becomes when you think about it in an evoutionairy way.

Yes, we have EVOLVED. We have the ability to think. We have the ability to discern the difference between right and wrong. We have the ability to understand that our behaviour can either enhance another person's experience or diminish it. We have the power to choose which behaviour we will use. We are no longer victims of animal 'instincts'.

exactly!
 

Nay

Member
I've asked myself that question and did not get an answer untill one day I realized that they do it because they're evil. Yes, a person who bullies is usually a bad person that does bad all the time and gets satisfaction from doing evil. May the one and only rid the world of them.
 

Smokeringz

Well-known member
bullies see weakness and leach off it. The best way to counteract is to stay as calm as possible, the person who is the calmest always wins in that kind of situation.
 

joeljjison

Well-known member
Right and wrong are human inventions. Bullies are less likely to have deal with being bullied, and attract mindless followers who join in without thinking about it.

We are animals, and while we can think about right and wrong, we created those ideas, and they aren't absolute. I sometimes wonder if its brainwashing about right and wrong absolutes, that causes us to become naive enough to be so bemused when we are bullied for the first time. I don't know what others felt at that time, but for me it was denial.

I reckon the best counter (not for physical) is to be (or at least appear) COMPLETELY uneffected. That doesn't necessarily mean ignoring them (bothering to ignore everything they say just makes them more eager to break you sometimes).
 
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