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Old 03-24-2008
lifesnotfair's Avatar
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I have been wondering, I have never been in a relationship, i am 26 years old and i have never kissed a girl. What the hell am i doing wrong? I really do not like going out to clubs, i really have no interests that gets me out of the house. I work all day come home and sleep basically. I have tried online dating, i have had no luck.

I like a few women, however i know that they are unavailable, and out of my reach. I have no guy friends that understand my problem, i am stuck in a black hole. Right now i feel like no matter what i do, its not good enough. I have posted my profile pic, i have done virtually everything, women seem to be repulsive of me. So its time that i should give up.
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Old 03-24-2008
SocialRetahd's Avatar
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lol. Online dating is based entirely off looks. So when someone judges you online, it's soley on your looks. Average or below looking guys need to display personality and/or intelligence along with status and wealth, and this can only be done in real life.

Online dating is only for the good looking.
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Old 03-24-2008
Sacrament's Avatar
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You not liking yourself is probably one of the reasons.
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Old 03-24-2008
lifesnotfair's Avatar
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so basically i am screwed then, because i don't have any of the attributes
See nothing seems to work, no matter what i try

I like myself just fine, i just HATE the fact that no worm like me, oh they say, you are so nice, but i am not interested... well that is bullshit. I don't want to be known as your an nice guy and all, but... we should only be friends. That makes me more mad than anything.

So how in the hell do people get married and in relationships? how? with all this bullshit out there, with the whole ****ing dating scheme, to all the relationship politics, no wonder the world is in the shape it is. Everything is too damned complicated. I really don't know how anyone can survive. I know i cannot, especially when there is absolutely NO interest from the female sex to be with me at all....
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Old 03-24-2008
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Please give up the hope like the rest of us and realize that not all people were ever ment to be able to attract the opposite gender. I must tell you, when you say that you have no interrest, just geting home to sleep etc... don't you think that makes you a bit repulsive? I am just the same myself. I don't think it's strange that people does not want to spend time with me. I would not like that. Imagine meeting a girl who hates life does not want to do anything, would you really like that?
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Old 03-24-2008
lifesnotfair's Avatar
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so basically your tellng me that i am screwed?

I have no hope whatsoever?

your probably right, there isn't any hope at all
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Old 03-24-2008
Kien's Avatar
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Yes. (-,-) Like the rest of us. Is this thread really serious?
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Old 03-24-2008
Psychedelicious's Avatar
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With what your doing, which is basically nothing, of course nothing is happen about this. You're probably waiting for people to come to you, people don't really do that much and there isn't even much opportunity for you to meet someone if you don't even have interests that get you out of the house. I don't really like online dating, I mean I don't know much about it what it seems to me that it'd be a lot better to meet a person like that in your real life. I don't know, maybe you should try just a little more because there are only so many people who can reject you, you have to get someone eventually if you just keep trying :/.
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Old 03-24-2008
Kien's Avatar
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Imagine finding someone that finds you interresting (friend or more) and then you talk about what you like/do in life and you say that you spend all day home doing nothing, no friends, no party on the weekends. Would that person find you interresting? This is something that bothers me when I (as rare as it can be) meet new people. I have to turn aroud these questions or (and) make up tiny lies. I don't like lying to people so it makes me feel bad. :( I wonder what my class mates thinks of me. :{
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Old 03-25-2008
Carstuar's Avatar
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SocialRetahd
lol. Online dating is based entirely off looks. So when someone judges you online, it's soley on your looks. Average or below looking guys need to display personality and/or intelligence along with status and wealth, and this can only be done in real life.

Online dating is only for the good looking.
That's not entirely true. I actually met someone online, and we were very interested in each other before we even exchanged pictures. We had many common interests and the same sense of humor. I met her a few times, and we had some great times together, but unfortunately I was too "damaged" for it to last. She wanted a boyfriend, not a project. I would rate myself as average or below average looks, btw.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kien
Imagine finding someone that finds you interresting (friend or more) and then you talk about what you like/do in life and you say that you spend all day home doing nothing, no friends, no party on the weekends. Would that person find you interresting? This is something that bothers me when I (as rare as it can be) meet new people. I have to turn aroud these questions or (and) make up tiny lies. I don't like lying to people so it makes me feel bad. :( I wonder what my class mates thinks of me. :{
I know the feeling. I hate lying to people, so now I'm just super honest, no matter how boring it makes me seem. I tell people the truth: that I spend most of my time at home, watching movies or tv-series. Some people appreciate honestly above everything, and you might be lucky enough to find someone with the same taste in music or movies. Sometimes that's all it takes to make a friend.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lifesnotfair
I have been wondering, I have never been in a relationship, i am 26 years old and i have never kissed a girl. What the hell am i doing wrong? I really do not like going out to clubs, i really have no interests that gets me out of the house. I work all day come home and sleep basically. I have tried online dating, i have had no luck.

I like a few women, however i know that they are unavailable, and out of my reach. I have no guy friends that understand my problem, i am stuck in a black hole. Right now i feel like no matter what i do, its not good enough. I have posted my profile pic, i have done virtually everything, women seem to be repulsive of me. So its time that i should give up.
I think you've just been unlucky. Whatever you do, don't give up hope. I've been in your situation (except I wasn't working), and it can seem like there's no way out, but one day you just meet someone. Not necessarily "the one", but someone, at the very least.

If you have any interests at all, try searching in communities of people that share those interests. Hopefully, there's someone there who is searching for someone like you too.
EDIT: Creep_x makes a good point in the next post. Trying too hard usually results in failure.
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Old 03-25-2008
creep_x's Avatar
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lifesnotfair, I dont know if i am sure but maybe you r trying too hard?
The more u show a girl how available u r, the more she ll take u for granted.. & I think its a fact.
I really liked this girl & i was too nice to her. Hell i was a ****ing puppy.She liked it initially but then i think that was what made her not like me. But that taught me a lesson & ater that, i have stopped caring beyond a limit.
Maybe its true that no good deed goes unpunished. Now i am left with fantasies of stalking her n killing her :|
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Old 03-25-2008
Sponglewang's Avatar
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Go out dancing, get ****ed up and ave a good time.
Even if u r the worst dancer in the world I gurantee if u look like u are having a good time ppl will like you and will want to talk to you... girls and guys.
You won't necassarily get laid but it's a start.

You gotta put yourself out there and have confidance in urself even if it's false confidance. If u portray a confidant demeanour ppl will actually think u r confidant.

Even if u r as ugly as sin it dosent matter, you'll just have to work a bit harder.

DON'T GIVE UP!!!
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Old 03-25-2008
Kien's Avatar
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@Sponglewang
Why try when you fail and suffer all the time and can't even win?
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Old 03-25-2008
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I can't believe you are that ugly. Even ugly people can present themselves nicely and look a lot better. I work as a stylist,well used to and a make over can do wonders! I would prefer a nicely turned out male rather than a good looking slob who didn't look after himself.

Who says what is good looking anyway. Some of the so called good looking celebs don't do that much for me.
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Old 03-25-2008
va_boy's Avatar
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Try to get a hobby that gets you out of the house and allows you to meet new people.
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Old 03-25-2008
coriander1992's Avatar
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Quote:
I really do not like going out to clubs, i really have no interests that gets me out of the house. I work all day come home and sleep basically.
I don't meant to be harsh..but does that ^ not tell you what you're doing wrong?
Women won't know you're there if they never see you!

Hard as it's going to be for you, you need to find some way of getting yourself out of the house more..how you do that though is up to you.

Do you have a dog?
Just going for walks around the place and saying hello to a few women that you see on the way is a good start...seem interested and they'll want to talk to you.
If you do have a dog, then that's a good talking point...if not, what about the weather or whatever pops into your head.

Good luck
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Old 03-28-2008
Cynic's Avatar
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kien
Please give up the hope like the rest of us and realize that not all people were ever ment to be able to attract the opposite gender.
Absolutely true.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kien
I must tell you, when you say that you have no interrest, just geting home to sleep etc... don't you think that makes you a bit repulsive?
LOL indeed.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kien
I am just the same myself. I don't think it's strange that people does not want to spend time with me. I would not like that. Imagine meeting a girl who hates life does not want to do anything, would you really like that?
Depends how interesting she is. You can still be a mere observer and have an interesting life I guess.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lifesnotfair
so basically i am screwed then, because i don't have any of the attributes
There are some basic requirements that one needs to be attractive to the opposite sex, and if you don't meet any of those requirements you are ****ed (or maybe not :P).
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Old 03-28-2008
TAMPA-BAY's Avatar
Advanced User
 

I agree with coriander1992

You basicaly answered your own question.

My only suggestion is that since you seemed to of tried changeing everthing external;Why not try changeing the stuff inside.

1)Stop telling your self that you have no intrest. Every one has intrests. Yours simply are not as glamorus as other people.

2)Since you work a lot you at least have a flow of revenue go on holiday. Maby do some shopping.

3)Maby you need to make a list of your rules and standards and see if they still make sense.

I understand things are easier said than done. Theres a reason we are all here online in the first place. All I am saying is that some times all of us on these sites need to take a second look at our rule and standards because I heard ....they influence our outlook and preception and beliefs on life. They also determin how we feel about our past history.
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Old 03-29-2008
shield's Avatar
Intermediate User
 

I think we could reframe this situation to 'Why don't u like women?' If u put yourself in their shoes for a second I think that you may actually find that they would think you don't like them. So in summary U are afraid of women and u don't like talking to them so you don't girlfriends. I think the key is to begin to enjoy the interactions then you will get results. Imagine for 1 minute that you enjoyed talking to them and you were having fun. How would you be acting? How would they be reacting? I think you have your answer.
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Old 03-30-2008
Richey's Avatar
Elite User
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sponglewang
Go out dancing, get ****ed up and ave a good time.
Even if u r the worst dancer in the world I gurantee if u look like u are having a good time ppl will like you and will want to talk to you... girls and guys.
You won't necassarily get laid but it's a start.

You gotta put yourself out there and have confidance in urself even if it's false confidance. If u portray a confidant demeanour ppl will actually think u r confidant.

Even if u r as ugly as sin it dosent matter, you'll just have to work a bit harder.

DON'T GIVE UP!!!
What if some people don't enjoy that as a recreation though? ...i like to dance, i'm not a great dancer, just casual but i dont like the crampy feeling and the music that is generally played at bars, nor do i like dancing amongst people ive never met before, but people do it and that is fine, i like seeing live bands, and i go all the time, thats a great way for me to meet other people, but clubs are not my thing, i only go if i have to, you can meet people by being outside alot, being involved in a sport, night classes of study, walking around in the city, festivals ..

So i think meeting people depends on your interests and just getting out, it doesnt have to be dancing or going to a bar, which i personally don't enjoy doing, i'll go if its a must, but i just dont find clubs a comfortable environment, everyone is dolled up and drinking, the (generic) music is loud so you cant hear people, i personally find it an intimidating place to go to and some people are more wired for it then others, im not a big drinker as i cant stand the taste of most alcoholic drinks, but i drink for the after affect .. ...

Regarding appearance, i think i can understand, i wear trendy jeans and a funky t-shirt generally, but my hair can be an issue, it often looks messy yet i dont like it to short, not easy to maintain, the thing is i go out and everyone dresses up and looks like photoshopped acceserised models, especially girls, the fashion is tight punk jeans and perfectly sitting hair, and for guys everyone is colouring their hair and looking presentable all the time, its as if going out with casual clothes is becoming uncool, i agree that you should look presentable and i do but i find it so intimidating going to the shops or to a club where people look amazing, and i feel ordinary, im not ugly but i cant get over how people look so great all the time with styles now days ...

if everybody walked around casually looking a complete mess in daggy clothes i think i wouldnt be as intimidated, i dont know why i think like this but its just how i feel, really fit looking people intimidate me no end, its like they are from anothe rplanet or something, weird i know ..
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