'Why don't you speak? Are you shy?'

Today, some guy in my class asked me if I thought the room was hot and why I could still wear a coat, then he goes on to asking me why I don't speak and whether or not I'm shy. "How comes you don't speak in class? Are you shy? Are you? :lol:," with this big grin on his face. I was just like this 8O 8O 8O ...
I said 'I don't know...' Then he keeps calling my name and asking again and again, but I turned around to face the computer, I bet he must've thought I was too rude... :x Now I'm feeling so embarassed and can't help re-playing that scene repeatedly in my head. I often think back feeling shame, wondering why I just don't know how to react or say anything right. :?

I used to get in situations like this all the time when i was in school. Not necessarily that someone was asking me if I'm shy but just people talking to me in general would make me blush and I'd give quick short answers that had to make me look like a douche. For example this hot chick in my class (who i was very intimated by) was telling me to buy a ticket for after grad party and when she asked me if I'm going to grad and i said no, she asked why. I just said i don't know and turned away. Stuff like this still haunts me but i find the best way to get over it is whenever it pops into your head just stop thinking about it. Its the past it can't hurt you, just try your best to forget about it. I know exactly how you feel.

I think he only wanted to talk to you/communicate with you and it's okay as long as you are doing what feels natural to you. :wink: You can't talk to him, you can't react, okay. Maybe next time you'll find yourself more at ease and maybe not. Whatever, anything is okay and you don't have to feel shame. It's your phobia, it's the way you feel in some situation, not your unwillingness to communicate that leaves you unable to talk. Similar situations used to happen to me a lot (example: I am going to school by tram, a guy from my class happens to take the same tram, I feel totally crazy, he comes to me and asks "You aren't talking, duh?" and I just, well, stand there and don't talk :wink: ). And that was when I realized that other people actually DID care for me (yeah, they felt curious about me, they didn't like my way - and that's great, as it's their natural reaction). So it was useful in the end. Though not pleasant at all.

4seasons said:

I used to get in situations like this all the time when i was in school. Not necessarily that someone was asking me if I'm shy but just people talking to me in general would make me blush and I'd give quick short answers that had to make me look like a douche. For example this hot chick in my class (who i was very intimated by) was telling me to buy a ticket for after grad party and when she asked me if I'm going to grad and i said no, she asked why. I just said i don't know and turned away. Stuff like this still haunts me but i find the best way to get over it is whenever it pops into your head just stop thinking about it. Its the past it can't hurt you, just try your best to forget about it. I know exactly how you feel.

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Gaad, I do that sometimes. I'm afraid some people think I'm a snob because I brush them off :?

Honestly I think people who do stuff like that are just trying to harass you. People tend to enjoy picking on the quiet and the meek, both of which I'm sure most of us on this forum are. I've had experiences much like this and it can leave you pretty shaken inside. It's as if your fear of speaking in class or around other groups of people being horribly magnified by people with mocking grins is for once not unfounded.

People don't do these sorts of things because they just want to get you to talk. They do it because they want to get a rise out of you.

When i was in college i was even more shy than i am now. I had to share a desk with this girl and she was quite forward and gobby. One day she just burst out ''You're no fun to be with!'', i felt so ashamed and hurt. It was nothing to do with the fact that i didn't want to be a fun person to be with it was the fact that i was so shy i was frozen and could not show my fun side. Why do we always get picked on!?

LaLaLa said:

Today, some guy in my class asked me if I thought the room was hot and why I could still wear a coat, then he goes on to asking me why I don't speak and whether or not I'm shy. "How comes you don't speak in class? Are you shy? Are you? :lol:," with this big grin on his face. I was just like this 8O 8O 8O ...
I said 'I don't know...' Then he keeps calling my name and asking again and again, but I turned around to face the computer, I bet he must've thought I was too rude... :x Now I'm feeling so embarassed and can't help re-playing that scene repeatedly in my head. I often think back feeling shame, wondering why I just don't know how to react or say anything right. :?

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hey LaLa..don't feel bad..i can never react in the situation either, but think of the perfect thing to say or do, long after the fact :evil: And what's the deal with people asking "are you shy?" Like as if that doesn't put you on the spot and make you feel even more anxious! One time i worked up the courage to go into the health food store, on a really bad anxiety day..when i got up to the counter (3 tellers standing there), i had to say my phone number and one teller says to me.."you have a quiet little voice, don't you, i can't even hear you"..then the whole place is silent, as if waiting for me to repeat..and i was no louder than the first time..it's like my voice just gets choked up and stuck in my throat..embarassing

recluse said:

When i was in college i was even more shy than i am now. I had to share a desk with this girl and she was quite forward and gobby. One day she just burst out ''You're no fun to be with!'', i felt so ashamed and hurt. It was nothing to do with the fact that i didn't want to be a fun person to be with it was the fact that i was so shy i was frozen and could not show my fun side. Why do we always get picked on!?

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I know right Someone even said that I would bore them to death if they were to date me and the boy next to him just laughed. It hurt me but I knew it was true. I never talked in class, people knew that. :? I still remember this from over 6 yrs ago...lol.

There was another time when my French teacher paired people in our class randomly and I had to be with this girl, she shouted out, 'BUT SHE DOESN'T SPEAK!' in this really stressed out tone like it would be a nightmare to work with me, this boy laughed again and was like, 'haha, you have to work with *insert my name*' I tried not to think too much about it but I guess it would always remain as one of those harsh and embarassing memories.

This boy really gotten on my nerves. He even wrote on my exercise book while I wasn't there, he scribbled some nasty remark next to my name. Maybe he thought I was a bitch for not speaking to him when he used to be nice to me and tried to get me to talk (which is another story I don't want to start, lol ) But yeah, he kept insulting me too. :evil:

I hate it when people order you to repeat yourself, especialyl when they're just purposely pretending that they didn't hear you or just trying to force you to speak louder, it's so hard for me to raise my voice!

LaLaLa said:

Today, some guy in my class asked me if I thought the room was hot and why I could still wear a coat, then he goes on to asking me why I don't speak and whether or not I'm shy. "How comes you don't speak in class? Are you shy? Are you? :lol:," with this big grin on his face. I was just like this 8O 8O 8O ...
I said 'I don't know...' Then he keeps calling my name and asking again and again, but I turned around to face the computer, I bet he must've thought I was too rude... :x Now I'm feeling so embarassed and can't help re-playing that scene repeatedly in my head. I often think back feeling shame, wondering why I just don't know how to react or say anything right. :?

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Plenty of times the exact same thing happened to me when I was at school (I'm 28 now). This is probably why I never kept in touch with anyone after I left in 1995. There was just too much bad feeling about people like that...

The thing you've got to remember is that most school kids are stupid 'c**ts' (pardon my French). That's why people tend to make better friends when the move on to university when people are more mature..

I remember these stupid questions from when I was in high school. Man I hated them. It's a stupid thing to ask someone, and what are you supposed to say "yes I am afraid of people" ? No one wants to be identified as being "shy" or "quiet" because they are not aspects of our personalities, they are things we are trying to overcome so that we can present our personalities. I haaaated being branded as shy as if that is my personality.

I guess I don't really have a point to add, but I completely relate to this.

LaLaLa said:

Today, some guy in my class asked me if I thought the room was hot and why I could still wear a coat, then he goes on to asking me why I don't speak and whether or not I'm shy. "How comes you don't speak in class? Are you shy? Are you? :lol:," with this big grin on his face. I was just like this 8O 8O 8O ...
I said 'I don't know...' Then he keeps calling my name and asking again and again, but I turned around to face the computer, I bet he must've thought I was too rude... :x Now I'm feeling so embarassed and can't help re-playing that scene repeatedly in my head. I often think back feeling shame, wondering why I just don't know how to react or say anything right. :?

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In my opinion the guy should never have put you in that position, for all you know he could also be feeling bad about it. I know you cant help feeling you were in the wrong in that situation but you're not, he was the one being particulaly thoughtless, and inconsiderate. For me being angry with someone else is better than being sad and dissapointed with myself.

But I know how you feel, I constantly replay these kinds of situations in my head over and over, thinking about what i should of said or done. I just try and distract myself whenever possible, mainly with video games :? .

I know right Someone even said that I would bore them to death if they were to date me and the boy next to him just laughed. It hurt me but I knew it was true. I never talked in class, people knew that. :? I still remember this from over 6 yrs ago...lol.

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He said that out loud to you? What a nancy pansy that he would feel it ok to point blank insult a girl. His mom must have neglected to give him his tea so he was just fidgety that day. Tell me, would you respect his opinion if you later found out that he needed to beat his wife to feel good about himself? That's what those kinds of guys are, their opinions are weightless, you're just sensitive at the moment and are hence vulnerable to this scumbag... in fact, the majority of the class probably thought differently, and that guy who laughed obviously just had a crush on you, and when you didn't reciprocate his feelings he felt his ego threatened and hence had to place the burden of fault on you, because he was too weak to place it on himself... would you really want to be validated or liked by someone like that? Right now you do, because again, you're much too sensitive at the moment...also, at the coat thing you posted earlier... the guy probably just wanted to see your body, and knowing that you wouldn't lambaste him for asking, felt safe in trying to get you to do it... he really sounds like horny little whiny wanker.

There was another time when my French teacher paired people in our class randomly and I had to be with this girl, she shouted out, 'BUT SHE DOESN'T SPEAK!' in this really stressed out tone like it would be a nightmare to work with me, this boy laughed again and was like, 'haha, you have to work with *insert my name*' I tried not to think too much about it but I guess it would always remain as one of those harsh and embarassing memories.

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So does this mean that for all moments of time in your life everyone is going to think of you like that? That was just one situation, with one person. Again with I see the boy has his little penis hurt over you... But in perspective, you'll break away from this. Don't focus on these memories, they obviously won't do you any good. They don't define who you really are... all they'll serve to do is perpetuate the incorrect thought that you're doomed to be inferior to everyone else and socially incompetent.. which HELL NO you're not.

This boy really gotten on my nerves. He even wrote on my exercise book while I wasn't there, he scribbled some nasty remark next to my name. Maybe he thought I was a bitch for not speaking to him when he used to be nice to me and tried to get me to talk (which is another story I don't want to start, lol ) But yeah, he kept insulting me too. :evil:

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See? It's good that you recongnize that he's a douche. Does it really matter if this douche thought you were a bitch or not? Jeez, you're someone I really would like to hang out with, just based on the fact that you sound like you wouldn't ever hurt me... it's very comforting actually. Also, arm yourself with a taser next time, and try and mangle it in his balls when he insults you.. you'll be doing female-kind a favor.

I hate it when people order you to repeat yourself, especialyl when they're just purposely pretending that they didn't hear you or just trying to force you to speak louder, it's so hard for me to raise my voice!

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Ya that is annoying.

LaLaLa said:

Today, some guy in my class asked me if I thought the room was hot and why I could still wear a coat, then he goes on to asking me why I don't speak and whether or not I'm shy. "How comes you don't speak in class? Are you shy? Are you? :lol:," with this big grin on his face. I was just like this 8O 8O 8O ...
I said 'I don't know...' Then he keeps calling my name and asking again and again, but I turned around to face the computer, I bet he must've thought I was too rude... :x Now I'm feeling so embarassed and can't help re-playing that scene repeatedly in my head. I often think back feeling shame, wondering why I just don't know how to react or say anything right. :?

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There is no right way to say, or react, so relax! If he knows you're shy, he's not going to take a real hit from you ignoring him. And I'm pretty sure he wasn't trying to belittle you at all either - he was probably just trying to get a rise out of you. I wouldn't worry about it too much

LaLaLa said:

recluse said:

When i was in college i was even more shy than i am now. I had to share a desk with this girl and she was quite forward and gobby. One day she just burst out ''You're no fun to be with!'', i felt so ashamed and hurt. It was nothing to do with the fact that i didn't want to be a fun person to be with it was the fact that i was so shy i was frozen and could not show my fun side. Why do we always get picked on!?

Click to expand...

I know right Someone even said that I would bore them to death if they were to date me and the boy next to him just laughed. It hurt me but I knew it was true. I never talked in class, people knew that. :? I still remember this from over 6 yrs ago...lol.

There was another time when my French teacher paired people in our class randomly and I had to be with this girl, she shouted out, 'BUT SHE DOESN'T SPEAK!' in this really stressed out tone like it would be a nightmare to work with me, this boy laughed again and was like, 'haha, you have to work with *insert my name*' I tried not to think too much about it but I guess it would always remain as one of those harsh and embarassing memories.

This boy really gotten on my nerves. He even wrote on my exercise book while I wasn't there, he scribbled some nasty remark next to my name. Maybe he thought I was a bitch for not speaking to him when he used to be nice to me and tried to get me to talk (which is another story I don't want to start, lol ) But yeah, he kept insulting me too. :evil:

I hate it when people order you to repeat yourself, especialyl when they're just purposely pretending that they didn't hear you or just trying to force you to speak louder, it's so hard for me to raise my voice!

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I can relate to what happened in your French lesson;
We were practicing the Oral exams we had to do for the Welsh exam, and we were put in groups of three to discuss a book which we had read in class. A girl in my groups was obnoxious and she complained to the teacher saying out aloud in class ''HE'S TOO QUIET, HE JUST SITS THERE AND DOESN'T TALK!''....You can imagine how ashamed i felt.

I have been asked that question "are you shy" a million times and still to this day I don’t know how to answer it.
It is a question designed to belittle you and make you feel inferior than the other louder people around you, being quiet is seen as a weakness and other loud weak people feel they can gain confidence in themselves by putting you down.

Next time someone asks you why you don’t talk are you shy just say why you ask when it’s so blatantly obvious that I am.
Usually ive found this better than just stuttering and saying nothing and kind of leaves the other person with nothing else to say.

Anyway try not to think about these moments to much in your head I know it’s hard but every time a negative thought starts just focus and think of something you really love or enjoy.
:lol:

In eighth grade my English teacher asked me that! "Why don't you talk in class, Madison?" Then when I just smiled and shrugged she said, "Do you have any friends?" Oh, that's terribly embarrassing!!!!

Nobody really asks me that anymore. Most people just ignore me. And if they are acknowledging my existance they just totally disregard the fact that I'm not going to talk a whole lot. It's obvious to them that I'm quiet.

I was never totally sure how to answer the question. I did get picked on a lot concerning things other than why I don't talk. That was mostly in middle-school. Once I got into high-school it all ended completely.

I've always hated when people asked those sort of questions. I have come to really hate the word "talk." It sends a shrill up my spine. I really wish I knew why I did not talk, too. I'd like an answer for it myself.

LaLaLa said:

Today, some guy in my class asked me if I thought the room was hot and why I could still wear a coat, then he goes on to asking me why I don't speak and whether or not I'm shy. "How comes you don't speak in class? Are you shy? Are you? :lol:," with this big grin on his face. I was just like this 8O 8O 8O ...
I said 'I don't know...' Then he keeps calling my name and asking again and again, but I turned around to face the computer, I bet he must've thought I was too rude... :x Now I'm feeling so embarassed and can't help re-playing that scene repeatedly in my head. I often think back feeling shame, wondering why I just don't know how to react or say anything right. :?

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That sucks. I had a five year old kid ask me that in a room full of people and I just wanted to die.

I barely said a word when I was at school, particularly in the infants. I remember one kid asking me quite seriously if the doctor had made my voice better (it was the first time she'd heard me speak!) And I used to try and hide behind my Mum if I saw any kids outside school because I was too shy to speak to them!

Funnily enough tho these days if I mention to anyone that I hardly ever spoke when I was at school they look at me in total disbelief and ask "What happened?"

Well, I don't know what happened. Talking is just something you do more of as you get older. Shyness is tougher. I am actually still painfully shy especially when I meet new people but because I'm chatty they never know just how bad I feel inside. :roll:

Moonie said:

I've always hated when people asked those sort of questions. I have come to really hate the word "talk." It sends a shrill up my spine. I really wish I knew why I did not talk, too. I'd like an answer for it myself.

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I want answers too. My therapist does not even understand me. I would like to be able to be involved in conversations at work or even sit in the lunch room. I cant for some reason and people think I am a b*tch because I keep to myself