"Why haven't you got a girl/boyfriend?" - your response

Because I like to use my hand?

nightcrawler said:

It's bad enough when someone (especially family) ask if you have a girl/boyfriend. But it's even worse (assuming you answered no) when they follow it up with "why not?"...especially if you haven't had one for quite a long time (like myself). What do you usually respond with?

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Most people haven't asked me in person if I have a boyfriend, but if they did ask me, I'd just say I'm not interested in dating anyone. It really angers me that people, first of all, ask you about your private life even though it's not really any of their business whether you have a relationship. I hate when people ask why I don't have friends, boyfriend, ect because it reminds me of how depressed and alone I am and brings back all sorts of painful memories all over again. One time, someone asked me if I had a boyfriend and I did respond saying "I just think kids these days rush way to fast in relationships." Like I've said before, I don't believe that relationships make you completely happy and that it shouldn't solely be the reason to make you happy. I think friends and family should come first, and then you can decide from there if you think you want a relationship. It's just that I don't understand why society values relationships as having greater importance over everything else going on today. As if relationships are something special and worthy. I wish that most people wouldn't get affected by not having a relationship because the people in the shows/movies do. Personally, I think it goes especially for girls who are exposed to what they see and read books/shows/ect. There's even a bunch of quotes on different sites most agreeing that relationships don't make you happy and that you need to be more responsible for yourself. I think people ask me why I don't want relationships is because they think I'm a "beautiful" "pretty" person and so it's impossible to not be in a relationship if I had those qualities. I don't really like when guys stare or treat me like a doll because of how I look physically. If I wasn't pretty or beautiful, then maybe at least people would leave me alone about it. I don't want guys taking things the wrong way that I'm actually flirting with them when I'm trying to be nice or friendly. I don't even try to flirt with guys like I know that most girls my age do and I try to talk to them as if I were a guy having a conversation with them. Nothing too serious.

because my depression gets too bad i struggle to make me happy let alone someone else so for right now i just kinda **** around with my ex

alice_down_the_rabbithole said:

i have a chronic cheating problem so i can never keep a relationship. its like as soon as one guy doesn't talk to me for a day i hook up with another guy so that i can be constantly reassured that i'm cared about. its a horrible cycle that i can't seem to escape.

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well.. that sounds like ocd if you ask me :question:

when you do things to neutralize these intrusive "what if" thoughts.
But thats just a guess.



I guess im waiting to be "ready".... i mean i want to get things straighten up in my life...though, i imagine it wonderfull
to have a girlfriend.

I get that question at family dinners my sister attends. Since she has a boyfriend sometimes people ask me why I don't have a girlfriend. I never really answered though, someone always answers for me for some reason.

I think my parents, my sister and maybe some relatives think I'm gay but haven't come out of the closet yet. To them that's the only reason why a guy my age wouldn't have a girlfriend.

I only hang out with my friends about once a month, but I never talked about that with them.

With me, usually people stop at the first question ("have you ever had a boyfriend?"), for the reason is quite obvious: my looks, weirdness etc... But when they do ask, I just say "nobody that I was interested in liked me back" and they are satisfied.

Most of the time, people are trying to make conversation and are not being very graceful, or they are setting you up to give you a compliment about what a great catch you are. If the person is just saying it to be a d**k that's when I have a little fun with my response >_<

nightcrawler said:

It's bad enough when someone (especially family) ask if you have a girl/boyfriend. But it's even worse (assuming you answered no) when they follow it up with "why not?"...especially if you haven't had one for quite a long time (like myself). What do you usually respond with?

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I usually respond with "because it's not a big deal/important to me"
Or: "It just never comes up."

Island_chic said:

I usually say that I haven't found the right person. But what I'd really like to say is .."mind you own business"

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I know this post is several years old, but I'm still going to respond to it lol.

It's just small talk and curiosity about your life. If I didn't know someone's status, however, I wouldn't personally ask something like that. It just seems like a type of question that could make a lot of people feel down.

Still, it's harmless...and on the bright side, at least that implies that they view you as someone capable of having a girlfriend/boyfriend. I would personally be more uncomfortable if I knew everyone else assumed I was single because of my social awkwardness.

fear of rejection, fear of family saying something stupid, over doing with overprotection can lead to ridiculous comments

- Why haven't you got a girl/boyfriend?
- Because I haven't met the right person yet

done

You really don't need to make a big deal out of it. You can either be clever about it ("oh y'know, just looking for the right person amongst so many fine (wo)men out there"), or simply tell them you're not really looking for a relationship because you have other priorities in mind until the time is right, etc.

zav943 said:

I submitted this question not too long ago...
never provided my own answer, but got plenty of input form others.

I actually usually say: Please, let's not talk about that.

That usually prompts people to be even MORE intrusive. WHY? WHY NOT? DO YOU LIKE SOMEONE? (I always feel like the question 'are you...gay?' is at the tip of their tongue)

I have to find a better way of dodging that question. What should I say? "Everyone I ask rejects me"? "My only gf cheated on me with her ex and then married him last year"?!

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Then I'd say back, "none of your damn business." Plain and simple; they don't pay my bills. I just ignore nosey people like that.

Because I'm very shy, and my self steem it under the ground, so if I think this about myself, people think same like me.

Because truth and values would have to matter to her...

Can have what doesn't exist

I've never had a girfriend like someone else said on here I never really made the effort. I did once many years ago now only to be told how flattered she was that I'd asked her but she was very busy at the time but very nice anyway.
That was somebody I had a crush on at the time.

I have a Social Anxiety (at least I think I have after my isolation from other people as well as how awkward I am). I don't mind asking people this question so either do they however when they start snooping around and asking more questions why, what's wrong with you etc I just ignore them by being silent :bigsmile:. End of the story.

Ashiene said:

i just respond with 'i am gay' even when i am not, to make them stop talking to me about such things. but of course, this makes them talk even more about me, but it doesn't matter as long as its not in my face.

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I was like that too for a while.

I don't even have a close friend, so...

Thankfully I've got too much going on right now apart from closing myself off emotionally