Why is this happening to me

kaycee09

Member
I don't know why things have been getting so bad.

Over the last week, I've accumulated about 1200 dollars of debt in vehicle repair. The foolish thing's front axle snapped like a toothpick not even 24 hours after I picked it up from getting 800 dollars worth of work done on it, and both my father and the garage are in agreement that they have no responsibility in the fact that my van broke. Apparently after they could barely get the axle back on because it was warped so badly 'It seemed like it was working fine.'

I'm sorry if it sounds bad, but 'It seemed like it was working fine.' is not bloody well good enough for someone that regularly has a three-year-old in the car. And I seriously have to pay somebody for endangering the life of my only son!?

So now, with an extra 600 dollars worth of debt added to my load, life with my parents is becoming pretty much unbearable. Not even an hour ago, my dad was yelling 'You're a ****ing retard! If you were as smart as you say you are, you're credit card wouldn't be maxed out!'

Like, I'm sorry that I didn't have a job for the past year, I'm sorry I was taking both day and night classes so I would only have to upgrade my credits for one year instead of two, I'm sorry I decided I wanted to complete a post secondary education a little faster so I could start building a stable life for my son.

Living with my parents for the last couple of years has been the worst situation I've ever been in, and that's saying a lot considering the way my son's father was. They are steadily turning my son against me. When I try to make a decision regarding him, my parents will do the exact opposite of what I decide. Every time I try to discipline him, I get literally screamed at for being a bad parent, yet if he behaves the same way with them, they'll blame me for him having no discipline. He's learning that Nana and Poppy will say yes to anything. If I say no, he runs to them. If he's asking for something and I'm the one to respond, he says things like "I don't need you, mommy." or "Go away, I don't want you."

I feel like they're taking him further away from me. I feel like he hates me and he'd be better off without me. My parents always tell me how good he is when I'm not around.

I'm getting so quiet and short tempered. I know I'm retreating inward, but I feel like it's the only way I can go. I've been avoiding answering my boyfriend's texts. I know he wants me to talk to him, and I know he wants to comfort me, but I just don't feel like talking, not to anyone. For the first time since I met him, I want to be alone. I don't want anyone around me. I just want to be by myself so I can self destruct in peace. I don't want to do this anymore.

I've spent so many years practicing techniques to master my anxiety and depression and stuff, because I really hate what my medication does to me, and I was doing so well. I was comfortable in my apathy, because it was easy to just not care. The worst thing I ever did was tell myself I couldn't just brush off the world anymore; I forgot how many things I have bottled up inside; I forgot how easily I hate; I forgot how much anger has been festering inside me for more than a decade.

I feel like such a hypocrite for saying these things, because I've always been an advocate for will power and believing in the strength of one's mind. I can't even practice what I preach. I know I'm in a situation where nothing and no one can help me but myself, but I couldn't keep it inside anymore.
 
Your parents seem to be causing you more stress than help.:sad:
Could you cut back on some of your classes and take on some work to be able to get a little apartment for just you and your son?

While it will take a little longer to finish your studies, it would help with the situation between your son and yourself because your decisions in parenting your child will not be challenged and your parents will no longer have enough time with him to turn him against you.
Is that possible?
 

MollyBeGood

Well-known member
I agree with BlueDays.Your parents are completely undermining your confidence and really harming your relationship with your child. I would find some way, anyway, to move out as soon as possible. It is not fair at all they are making your life that much more difficult. You don't deserve that. Just remember we cannot choose our family. I hope you find some peace for you and your son soon.
 
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