Why isn't exposure working for me?

I have this issue with making body movements because i fear my neighbors will make a sound at same exact time as i move.
Here is thread i made that will give you more info about it -> http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/are-you-scared-of-your-neighbors-making-sounds-61157/

Basically, what has been working for me the most is exposure. Meaning making as much body movement as possible, but the problem is that it only works to a certain extent. Like i would make so much body movement and after while i feel better but 50% of the fear still remains, which causes me to relapse later. The reason why believe exposure should work is because it made me overcome 3 phobias in the past, which were:
1) starring at people uncontrollably through my peripheral vision, which made them uncomfortable.
2) fear of hearing car sounds
3) fear of facing wall because someone is in other side

i'm shocked that exposure isn't working for my current fear. Why do you guys think it isn't working?

Part of the problem may be due to a strong startle response, so there's a physical thing happening as well as a mental thing. You also need to be thinking appropriately corrected thoughts about the problem while you're doing exposure, thoughts that counter the previous thinking you associated with loud sounds and moving

I think you may need to combine the exposure with controlling breathing and relaxation techniques. Physiology plays a big part in anxiety.

Maybe the 50% lost exposure is in fact your innate consideration for your neighbours.

It's probably not working as it should because you're not allowing it to (in the sense that you still allow triggers to get to you). If you're still afraid, it'll still get to you. You need to lose the fear not by trying to think positive per se, but by simply letting things be. If your neighbor makes a sound when you do, let it be. What's the worse thing that can happen? Even if it does happen, no one is affected negatively by it, no one gets hurt. What you need to focus on is how much it's hindering you from living a normal life, and how there are so many things you could be focusing your attention on rather than living in fear of simultaneous sounds.

One thing you can try to do is from time to time make a sound when you hear a sound in your neighbor's house. Let's say you hear a toilet flushing. Flush your own toilet at the same time. If you can hear their TV, tune in to the same tv station and turn the volume up. You'll notice how it doesn't affect anything negatively, and at the same time you'll be turning the fear inside out (obviously you can't do this constantly, otherwise it'll be annoying for everyone).

Accept that your current fear exists (do not struggle) as something that will pass, and that in order to allow it to pass, you have to make it matter less and less, thus allowing it to affect you less and less as well.

kihira said:

Part of the problem may be due to a strong startle response, so there's a physical thing happening as well as a mental thing. You also need to be thinking appropriately corrected thoughts about the problem while you're doing exposure, thoughts that counter the previous thinking you associated with loud sounds and moving

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Can you give some examples of appropriately corrected thoughts? i already have an idea but not sure if that's what you're talking about.

SoScared said:

Maybe the 50% lost exposure is in fact your innate consideration for your neighbours.

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Sorry, what do you mean by "innate consideration" of my neighbors?

Exposure therapy has never worked for me, and I have severe phobias to many things. Unfortunately, a total change in perspective seems to be the only thing that has made a functional life possible. The only normal day I spent these last ten years I blocked nearly every thought I had all day. Trying to replace unhealthy thoughts with normal ones is harder yet when you don't know where to begin. It's almost like my persona IS the anxiety, but I know I'm more. Still struggling with an overactive imagination, and uncomfortable social experiences, even though I live a full life. I do know, however, that on the other side of this fear is the life I want. When a phobia isn't 100% gone for me, I ride out the panic, which seems to help, even feeling it in front of others. Trying not to overthink helps too. And it sounds strange, but letting go of the serious attitude and laughing is great medicine. Sorry, I've got no better advice, as I do wish to help. I'm cheering for you though.

Some thing that has helped me is saying in my head "this doesn't bother me"

Sacrament said:

What's the worse thing that can happen? Even if it does happen, no one is affected negatively by it, no one gets hurt.

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Yes but i do get damage, similar to if you were about to past a group of people ahead of you and you fear that once you past them they will make a negative remark about you, then to your luck they actually say something negative. So it's like a nervous anticipation of a fearful event. But i do agree with you that this can be beaten by logic but the problem is that it that it get tiring to to repeat the same phrases on my head and wears me out. However, i plan on combating this by only saying the phrases when i've regained my energy. What you think about this?

Sacrament said:

One thing you can try to do is from time to time make a sound when you hear a sound in your neighbor's house. Let's say you hear a toilet flushing. Flush your own toilet at the same time. If you can hear their TV, tune in to the same tv station and turn the volume up. You'll notice how it doesn't affect anything negatively, and at the same time you'll be turning the fear inside out (obviously you can't do this constantly, otherwise it'll be annoying for everyone).

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You misunderstood me, it's not that i'm afraid of making the same type of sound as them. It's that if i make an action (move my body or an object, swallow my saliva, etc, all kinds of actions) i will hear a sound from the neighbors. For example, i fear as soon as i get off my bed, i will hear my neighbor cough, blurt out a word, open their door, etc. So it's not that i'm afraid of them making same type of action as me.

But what's the negative consequence of them making a sound at the same time you do? Why exactly does that affect you? You're so focused on what ifs that you forget to live your life. Think of the time you've already lost because of a fear whose only consequence is that you forget to live and to strive to be happy.

It's not so much a matter of distracting yourself until you're not thinking about it anymore (thus running the risk of it happening whenever you're not too busy to notice), but simply a matter of accepting that noise is just noise, and that if you make a noise and they do as well, there's absolutely zero consequences in it except for the harm that you're doing to yourself.

As for the phrases, well, if it works, it works. Mostly, it's not a matter of thinking positive, but a matter of letting the supposed problem lose its meaning, because it simply doesn't matter. It's sound, everyone creates sound, whether it's at the same time as yours or not. You could even make a game out of it, and count the times they've made sounds at the same time you did, and the times they didn't. This way you turn it into something 'fun' (in a way), and at the same time it doesn't become something that requires constant alarms ready to be triggered in your head 24/7.

Moses199 said:

Can you give some examples of appropriately corrected thoughts? i already have an idea but not sure if that's what you're talking about.

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I have this problem that's killing me. I'm afraid to make body movement because i feel like my neighbors will at the exact same time as me make a sound like clank the dishes, accidentally hit the wall or some sound if i move my body. For example, i get scared to stand up from my chair because i feel like as soon as i stand up they will make a sound at the exact same time when i stand up.

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So, if you're sitting there thinking "I can't move now because if I do they'll make a noise" a thought to counter this might be "I'm going to stand up now and see if they make a noise or not, and if they do it wont hurt me anyway, even if it startles me"

Sacrament said:

But what's the negative consequence of them making a sound at the same time you do? Why exactly does that affect you?

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The reason why sometimes i believe they do it deliberty is because i feel like i can emit an unpleasant nervous energy that they can subconsciously feel and dont like. By that i mean if i'm sitting in a chair this nervous energy will build up that as soon as i get up from my chair i will hear my neighbor make a sound so they can escape my nervous energy. And the weird thing is that it happens alot. Like it would be all quite (no sound) in aparment, then when i get up i hear someone make a sound same time as i get up. Which is crazy....The aparment could be quite and I could have my arm resting, then as soon as i move my arm i hear someone make sound at same time.

But i feel like even if they do it deliberty because of my nervous energy they can feel, i still can let it not bother me. Because in the past i've done a street drug MDMA (i dont do drugs anymore :thumbup which took my fear away for 3-4hrs, so at that time if they were to delibartly make any sounds i wouldn't have cared. Do you think they can subconsciously feel my nervous energy? I know the OCD expert would call this "magical" thinking.

kihira said:

So, if you're sitting there thinking "I can't move now because if I do they'll make a noise" a thought to counter this might be "I'm going to stand up now and see if they make a noise or not, and if they do it wont hurt me anyway, even if it startles me"

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Thanks, that's what was thinking to say. But the problem is that it that it gets tiring to repeat the same phrases on my head and wears me out. However, i plan on combating this by only saying the phrases when i've regained my energy. Do you think this is a good idea?

Are you seeing a therapist at the moment.I found it helpful myself.You seem to have quite a few issues and a therapist could really help you.

Moses199 said:

Do you think they can subconsciously feel my nervous energy? I know the OCD expert would call this "magical" thinking.

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No, I don't. There's no such thing as nervous energy. What exists is a fear on your side that they will make a sound whenever you do, probably stemming from deep self-consciousness that makes you nervous and anxious with the mere thought of someone acknowledging your existence. At least that's my view on this. To you, the thought of someone/anyone noticing you exist makes you think negatively, as if as soon as they notice you exist, they're saying or thinking negative things about you. It became so intense that it turned into a deeper level of paranoia and fear. It's similar to "when I walk down the street, I choose to bring the most quiet shoes that I have and the most bland clothes that I own, so as to minimize the odds of people noticing me".

I maintain my suggestion from earlier: make a game out of it, and turn something you fear into something you've tamed and gained control over. If anyone were to focus on whether their neighbors make a sound when they do, a lot of people would probably notice it happening a lot. At the same time, a lot of people would notice that the odds of it happening or not happening are pretty similar, because it's completely random and they're just coincidences.

In my experience, it's only part desensitization. The other half is developing new thinking habits.

Argentum said:

In my experience, it's only part desensitization. The other half is developing new thinking habits.

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Can you give some examples of problems you developed thinking habits for?

Moses199 said:

Can you give some examples of problems you developed thinking habits for?

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Oh, hmm...

* Feeling the need to overcompensate for shyness with humor, perform, and "win" people's attention
* That a lack of talking is implication of negative thoughts towards me
* Thinking that hearing laughter is secretly aimed at me
* That problems are insurmountable and unsolvable, as I lived for many years in a dangerous home environment where they really were

Exposure to new situations alone wouldn't really have helped me change the ingrained patterns or my beliefs about myself/others.

Argentum said:

Oh, hmm...

* Feeling the need to overcompensate for shyness with humor, perform, and "win" people's attention
* That a lack of talking is implication of negative thoughts towards me
* Thinking that hearing laughter is secretly aimed at me
* That problems are insurmountable and unsolvable, as I lived for many years in a dangerous home environment where they really were

Exposure to new situations alone wouldn't really have helped me change the ingrained patterns or my beliefs about myself/others.

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How did you apply those thinking habits? Like, what kind of things did you say to yourself when those though patterns occured.