Will fixing self-image destroy SA?

I guess some of you more well-read in the subject may find this redundant, but perhaps the best course of action--before trying things like "exposure therapy" and the like--is to re-adjust self-image.

So, the most important thing: Improve self-esteem.. but NOT via external validation.. external validation only works if you've achieved many things or have some other obvious value (this won't even work for MOST people, SA or not)... do this by internal validation, looking at and acknowledging whatever blessings/good fortune you do have, appreciating whatever it is you do well (even if it's just a couple things), accept weaknesses, embrace quirks.

And then.. other interconnected things. Quit comparing oneself to others. Lower expectations in general, so rejection will not hurt you.. attack narcissism and entitlement.

In seems in my case, all of these things mentioned, are MAJOR parts of what led to acquiring SA. However, there's also innate qualities that I've always had too.. extreme sensitivity and shyness.. feeling "too much".. which naturally leads to a tendency to avoid. So, if this cannot be changed, change what CAN be changed.

After all, what good will "exposure therapy" do.. if you do not fix self-image and/or self-esteem, first?

Anyone?

I can't find anything wrong with comparing yourself with others. It orientates you. Another thing, however, is basing state on comparison to others: this person is better than me, so I feel like shit; I am better than this person, so I am the best and I feel the corresponding emotion.

And you say you have "innate" qualities; maybe with exposure therapy that those so-called innate qualities would seem less "innate" than you had previously imagined.

You probably are right in saying that before exposure you have to fix your way of thinking and make it as realistic and optimistic as possible. Otherwise, doubts will arise, limiting beliefs could be reinforced and before you realize you could be back to square one.

A great way of changing unproductive thought is by reading my much-sited book, The Power of Now by Tolle. If you can also read his other books and watch his videos, that would be a bonus. It could change your life. Peace.

I agree with OP...

I don't think it will "destroy" SA but I think it's the way to start getting better

I think if you manage to improve yourself, ultimately the perception you have of yourself, you will start worrying less and less about what others think. So eventually social anxiety will decrease.

At least that is what worked for me.

Just do it - there is no other remedy.

If you can accept your shortcomings and be okay with who you are, and stop always thinking you're being a burden on society? Confidence of your decisions and caring less about what others think. just some brainstorming here.

SA happens because someone/thing warped your way of thinking, which caused you to have irrational thoughts about random things in life (everyone's judging you, no one will ever love you, you don't belong here, etc), accompanied by a plummeting self-esteem or self-acceptance. Because of those trigger events, you became distanced from who you really are, the naturally confident, accepting, calm version of you. If you reprogram your thinking through repetitive positive actions/statements (self talk), you can slowly but surely flip things around. It's hard work, but once you keep in mind that you own and control your brain and not the other way around, things become much more possible/probable, because it becomes a matter of rebooting the system.

That being said, if you join a gym or go running every single day and feel healthier and whatnot, it won't do a thing to your self-image or self-esteem or even your SA if your mind doesn't change along with your physical habits. If you join a gym thinking it'll save you, think again. You save you, not the gym, or a girlfriend, or money.

Yes, that is a valid point. I did a CBT course which has helped, but the course touched on the core belief only briefly. That was definitely a weakness. It is still there, and is a handicap, but I am doing a number of things now I could not have done before. I do not know whether fixing the core belief would be sufficient in itself without any other therapy; possibly. However CBT and ACT are not pointless; possibly the different experiences they enable may change the core belief over time.

I think enforcing a positive self-image is really not the thing that will cure SA. It cannot be fixed with thinking.

Who am I? Everyone I know has a slightly different view of who I am, based on what they know of me or how I behave around them. Self-image is really just an illusion. If we get too obsessed with it, we start feeling unhappy because we start acting out some sort of image/illusion, and the world will not always agree with our self-image, thus creating conflict.

I think to cure SA one must simply have a basal sense of well-being that is not based on self-image, but rather a sense of comfort and belonging, taking good care of one self, relating to others and acceptance of who we are, that we're not perfect and that other people's opinions of us might vary highly based on their perception.

gustavofring said:

I think enforcing a positive self-image is really not the thing that will cure SA. It cannot be fixed with thinking.

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However, it appears to me that *most* people seem to have a positive self-image... which, according to you, does not work if you have SA? Most people are confident and will promote themselves easily. It sure as hell looks like a positive self-image, to me. If it is not that, then what is it? It works for them: they're out there socializing and getting things done.

gustavofring said:

I think to cure SA one must simply have a basal sense of well-being that is not based on self-image, but rather a sense of comfort and belonging, taking good care of one self, relating to others and acceptance of who we are, that we're not perfect and that other people's opinions of us might vary highly based on their perception.

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Has this worked for you?

Sacrament said:

SA happens because someone/thing warped your way of thinking, which caused you to have irrational thoughts about random things in life (everyone's judging you, no one will ever love you, you don't belong here, etc), accompanied by a plummeting self-esteem or self-acceptance. Because of those trigger events, you became distanced from who you really are, the naturally confident, accepting, calm version of you. If you reprogram your thinking through repetitive positive actions/statements (self talk), you can slowly but surely flip things around. It's hard work, but once you keep in mind that you own and control your brain and not the other way around, things become much more possible/probable, because it becomes a matter of rebooting the system.

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Can one reprogram himself on his own, though? Or does one need professional therapy (CBT) to do this?

Bronson99 said:

Can one reprogram himself on his own, though? Or does one need professional therapy (CBT) to do this?

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Why would you need professional therapy for it? It would probably be easier for you if you did but it isn't necessary. Ask people on here and they are living proof that what I say is true. Be willing to put in the effort though, as well as the pain-and-ridicule tolerance.

Bronson99 said:

Can one reprogram himself on his own, though? Or does one need professional therapy (CBT) to do this?

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It's very hard work, but if you truly commit yourself to changing your everyday thinking/doing processes, change will come as steadily as your consistency. But you can't do it just to trick your mind and put on a 'fake' recovery, otherwise your mind will catch on. You have to actually believe you are 1) worth being better than that, 2) worth being happy with the things you want and enjoy, 3) whatever you want to be, and not a product of the whims of your own mind. Make sure your actions follow your mental changes, and make sure you're willing to risk doing the things you're afraid of doing (like joining a gym or going for a jog every morning, applying for that job you're afraid of applying for, hanging out more often with friends, etc).

I'm not saying CBT can't help, of course. Both CBT and ACT can do wonders if you have the funds to actually get that kind of therapy. If you do, by all means go for it and make the best of it.

I also highly recommend reading some literature on these topics, such as:

http://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Tra...qid=1429459788&sr=8-1&keywords=happiness+trap

http://www.amazon.com/What-Say-When...d=1429459806&sr=8-1&keywords=what+to+say+when

http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-...8&qid=1429459854&sr=1-1&keywords=feeling+good

Also, practice mindfulness. Let go of both past and future, because they don't exist. Your new you cannot be shackled to whatever happened in your past, otherwise it can't be free. Do something that scares you every day, along with something you both enjoy doing and helps you grow.