Hi everyone. This is my first post so forgive me if I break any protocol on how things usually function here. Mostly, I have just been looking for an outlet to vent my feelings and am hoping I can find a place to do so as well as help people who have similar problems.
I have had a lot of trouble with anxiety/obsessive thoughts over the last few years but am now beginning to be able to control or at least monitor them because of the counseling I have had and the research I have done.
One of my longest-running and most terrifying obsessive thoughts involves me becoming a pedophile. It became an obsession in the midst of my anxiety several years ago and has come and gone in bursts since then. It often involves a sort of groinal response which makes me feel like I have to urinate.
As I said I have learned to cope with the thoughts because I can recognize them as products of obsessive thoughts - I would never want to hurt children in any way.
However, I am worried more about how long these obsessions will go on. After all, I would very much like to a parent and one not plagued by thoughts of molesting my children. On top of that, my two career paths I have envisioned in the past and present have been either to be a teacher or the clergy. Both of course have stereotypes of pedophilia around them which causes more anxiety for me. More than that though, I'm afraid I'll be stuck with these thoughts for the rest of my life and not be a good parent, teacher - anything, because of them. Can you help?
Hello, I relate to you completely as I had very severe OCD in my teen years, complete with bodily responses like you. They started when I was 14 and peaked at 16, then took a downside slowly and vanished when I was about 22. So in my case it went for six years but things became easier. You seem to know about obsessive thoughts so I won't say things like this is not really you because you obviously know that. As for help, I really don't know what helped me I just tried to live normally and had no therapy or meds except Xanax first 6 months. Although I may have tried some exposure without really realizing it.
Don't mind your career wishes by the way, if not that, in obsessions your thoughts would again find other reasons to be obsessed about.
They say CBT helps and sometimes diminishes the obsessions completely, though. You may think to have that if you can afford it.
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Thanks for your answer. I'm not sure CBT is in the cards but going back to medication might not be a bad idea. It's often time my dreams that are filled with this kind of obsession - and I know part of it is my brain wrestling with it. However, it makes me think that I'll always be afraid of having sexual relationships because Im afraid of what will pop into my head when I do. I know I shouldn't let my brain find a new obsession, so maybe meds are a good choice - I'll check with my doctor.
Yeah, it is normal for obsessions to interfere with the dreams. I didn't try the meditation but it probably helps. I have heard OCD sufferers finding relief with meds, as you said your doctor would know. Some imagery/thoughts may pop up in sexual relationships, but don't worry if it happens as it is only an obsession and it will feed on your fear, and it won't be always as recovery is very possible. Hope you get better soon.
Get a specialized OCD therapist, CBT and if you need to, medication. Can be a life saver. If Luvox works, it works superior. But for a few folks it doesn't. You have to find out by trial and error.
Excuse my english, I'm from Germany