Worried about being left alone

I can't sleep at night worrying what will happen to me when my mother dies. At my stage of social phobia, you have to have at least one person who enables you to live a certain way and she's mine. I worry about little things like being able to change a tire and make phone calls to just the sheer loneliness of having no one to talk to.

I used to have a job where I didn't need to communicate much and was fairly self-sufficient. Then I got laid off and haven't been able to make it past the interview phase for subsequent job opportunities and it's been seven years. I've just sunk deeper and deeper into depression. I'm pretty much as low as you can get right now and there's no real end in sight.

So anyway, those are my late night thoughts. Believe me, my finding a significant other with my level of phobia is out of the question and I don't have any close family. I don't know how to turn these worries off so I can have some peace. Anyone else like me out there as bad off as I am with an uncertain future? How do you learn to live in the present and quit thinking about how this awful disorder is going to effect the rest of your life? When they told me my problems were just going to get worse with age, they were right.

nowherewoman said:

I can't sleep at night worrying what will happen to me when my mother dies. At my stage of social phobia, you have to have at least one person who enables you to live a certain way and she's mine. I worry about little things like being able to change a tire and make phone calls to just the sheer loneliness of having no one to talk to.

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When my depression is at its worst, then i think a lot about death (esp of parents). There's the loss of them, and also a few practical issues which worry me. The only way through this seems to be just to keep on thinking & philosophizing about such stuff, until it loses some of its strength.

nowherewoman said:

I used to have a job where I didn't need to communicate much and was fairly self-sufficient. Then I got laid off and haven't been able to make it past the interview phase for subsequent job opportunities and it's been seven years. I've just sunk deeper and deeper into depression. I'm pretty much as low as you can get right now and there's no real end in sight.

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I haven't worked in over 10 years. My depression comes & goes. Sometime it gets so bad it feels like i'm literally right at death's door, fighting to stay alive. i just keep battling on, through whatever comes my way; no matter how bad it gets, i am somehow able to simply "endure" it. There may or may not be a way out of the situation, but attitude is of utmost importance; it is even more important than the (seeming) reality of your life; much is illusion.

nowherewoman said:

So anyway, those are my late night thoughts. Believe me, my finding a significant other with my level of phobia is out of the question and I don't have any close family. I don't know how to turn these worries off so I can have some peace. Anyone else like me out there as bad off as I am with an uncertain future? How do you learn to live in the present and quit thinking about how this awful disorder is going to effect the rest of your life?

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I suggest learning meditation, perhaps guided meditation. I've just bought course off the web on how to meditate correctly. I've tried various forms of meditation (or focus) over the years, but i haven't been very good at it (as i have a very hard time "quieting" my very hyperactive mind); this is why i decided to buy this course.
You certainly need to try to stop worrying so much about the future, and try to live in the present moment as much as possible. Life is full of uncertainty; only death is certain. I believe that through both meditation & philosophy (east & west; non-thinking & thinking; right-brain & left-brain), all problems can be dispelled into thin air (not quite proven .. as yet!)

nowherewoman said:

When they told me my problems were just going to get worse with age, they were right.

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I've found this as well unfortunately. Never really thought about why.
Perhaps it's that problems get worse (if allowed to remain/linger) over time? Maybe problems are a "dynamic" thing, & either get better or worse, but seldom stay the same? and if a problem doesn't get better, & it can't stay the same, then it must therefore get worse? (the only option left)

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Fear feeds from your energy and the longer you avoid dealing with it the bigger it gets.

Thanks for responding. I was nervous about posting at first, but I'm glad I have this forum to come back to where I don't feel so alone.

theslowesthand, I've tried meditation some but maybe I'm not doing it right. I'm also interested in hypnosis. Maybe "uncertain" future was the wrong word, but I'm not feeling secure at all for what's to come. I'm glad I'm not the only one having similar problems, but I'm sorry you're dealing with it too. I allowed my problems to go undiagnosed and untreated until I was 30 (and I was forced into that). I think if I'd gotten help much earlier I would be living a different life today.

chazer2010, yeah, it's sad. And you don't even know the half of it. Not complaining, though, everyone has problems.

surewhynot, I guess you're saying that I just have to get out there and face my fears so they don't end up coming true. I've been working with a case worker on getting a job. I hope someone will give me a chance someday. Thanks again for the replies.

nowherewoman said:

being able to change a tire

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This is essentially easy, but it's a pain in the butt. ::

nowherewoman said:

make phone calls

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The only way to get better at this is to just keep doing it. There's really no magic cure except repeated exposure to it. It's not ideal, I know.

nowherewoman said:

I used to have a job where I didn't need to communicate much and was fairly self-sufficient. Then I got laid off and haven't been able to make it past the interview phase for subsequent job opportunities and it's been seven years. I've just sunk deeper and deeper into depression. I'm pretty much as low as you can get right now and there's no real end in sight.

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I'm sorry you're feeling this way, and I can understand why. It's the uncertainty of what's going on in the future that can depress you.

You're getting to the interview stage, which is a good thing! It means they're at least considering you, so you could use that as motivation that you are good enough - more than the 90% of applications they reject. The job market is so difficult to break into, though.

I don't have much to say apart from... I am the same way.

I'm 26 and still need my mom to come with me just so that I can go to the pharmacy to pick up my meds once a month.
I can't even call the clinic to make my own appointments and when mom doesn't do it-- it just doesn't get done.
I can't do it... I don't know what I'm going to do with my life. It kind of feels like it's already over.

I get so flustered on the phone because I feel like people don't understand what I'm trying to say. I've worked as a telemarketer, though, so I guess if I had to I could make my own calls.

The job market is especially hard for people like us to break into because all the job ads want you to be "outgoing, friendly, and energetic!" I've had good jobs in the past so I can get to the interview stage, but it's just so hard to get someone to get over the fact that I'm going to be awkward and not very talkative. Thanks for the reply.

Same here, my mom makes most of my clinic calls for me. Your life isn't over, though. If even I can see some improvement after so many years I know you can. I know what you mean, though. I spent years and years planning my suicide but was too chicken to go through with it. Since changing my mind, I've found out that LIFE is really the scary thing, not death. At least, living with this problem.

After a few years of being poked and prodded by the doctors to see if she had heart problems and various other serious illnesses, they diagnosed my mum with stress. What they actually said was it was all in her head, making her feel like she was putting it on. She had a breakdown about 4years ago and had to leave work.

Before she left work (she was a butcher at our local co-op) she would get chest pains and the such, if something stressed her out she would go on about it giving her a heart attack and killing her. I would lay awake at night wondering if this was the night her chest pains would turn into a heart attack and I would lose her. I was 15 around this time and she could have me tears quite a few times with talk of the stress killing her. She'd feel awful after and I know she didn't mean it, but once it is in your head it's stuck there.

I don't know what I would do without her. I feel so selfish relying on her for day to day living that others can do for themselves. I always think I must be a huge disappointment to her, I have nothing to show for my 23years of living. Well I can't really call it living can I as I go out about once every month and half with mum to get my antidepressants?

I'm sorry if none of this made any sense and that I'm rambling, I've been trying for 2hours to make any sense of what I am typing but I'm afraid I type as poorly as I speak to people.

You write just fine. Don't worry about that. I have nothing to show for 34 years either, but I know that I've tried my hardest with the odds stacked against me and I didn't become a horrible person like some with our condition do. You can't compare yourself to others who weren't born with the same challenges you were. I hope your mom is better and lives a long time. Maybe you could try doing one thing at a time by yourself, even if it has nothing to do with socialization. Maybe it'll make you feel a little better about yourself. I really need to do the same.

When mine dies, I'll follow her.

The only way to you can do your work and also busy your fav hobby and also get better at this is to just keep doing it. There's really no magic cure except repeated exposure .

Hellhound said:

When mine dies, I'll follow her.

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I know how you feel. The possibility of spending the rest of your life alone out on the streets isn't too appealing.

edwardcejka said:

The only way to you can do your work and also busy your fav hobby and also get better at this is to just keep doing it. There's really no magic cure except repeated exposure .

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You're probably right. It just feels like every time I try to move forward I'm knocked down.

Nowherewoman, I used to compare myself to others alot of the time and tried really hard not not to, but it would sneak up on me now and again. It helped a lot when my big brother had his little boy, he had problems with his little 1s mum so I looked after him nearly all the time (not I minded, he truly is a bright spot in my otherwise dull life). Mum isn't doing too bad at the moment, she has become my carer, we are both on antidepressants so at this moment in our lives she doesn't want to scream into a pillow and I'm not thinking of doing myself in. Taking baby steps have helped. I may not be able to work right now and I'm not comfortable talking to strangers but I can walk 5mins down the road to pick my nephew up from school without having a massive panic attack like the 1st time I did it. Maybe there are baby steps you could think of doing, nothing huge and life changing but just enough to give you a little boost.

Hellhound, I have thought the exact same thing many times. I would be so lost without her and just wouldn't know what to do with myself.