Would being better looking reduce social anxiety

Do you think that being better looking than you are would reduce feelings of social anxiety?

I'm currently trying to lose weight and succeeding, but my anxieties are remaining the same.

Judging by the good-looking men and women already on this site, I would say no.

it would help, if your perception of your looks was one of your triggers for anxiety. but everyone is different.

I lost close to 100 pounds, and it helped my anxiety and confidence tremendously.

Losing weight and being good looking are separate issues, since you can be fat and still be handsome, like I am.

Having the will-power to lose weight will boost your confidence.

But no, having good looks is absolutely no guarantee of anything.

It would help me, yes... Four or five years ago I lost some weight and my confidence improved with it. I'm still trying desperately to lose more, but it just won't happen...

Unfortunately I'm in the mindset that if I can just get to a certain weight or look a certain way that I'll be happy... When in reality, it's probably not true... I'll feel better about those aspects, but then my focus will just shift to something else.

I think it's mostly down to our own perception of ourselves, not the objective reality... After all, I have known lots of people who are very unattractive, but who are very confident in themselves... And Just as many people who are very attractive who have no confidence...

YEP!

I have been continuously bodybuilding & running, rowing, playing squash for a few years from 2000 until now, and I'll never stop. My first motto was 'my body is all I have' I was right.

I may have upset the girlfriend I had for my future hopes, when we went to a nearby hotel for swimming, steamroom... whoooaah!! that's tough for me, and trying to show her how great it is to use Concept2 rowers, using all arms, legs, back and abdominal muscles all at once - the ultimate workout. Maybe encouraging her to lose weight was unpleasant. I never say eat less. I meant to show the overall experience you get after exhilaration. Nobody ever listens to me. I am always ignored


After she disappeared off my radar, I put in increased effort regularly, never doing the same every time. More every session... can't believe running made me tired after 5 minutes. Now I do full tilt incline, 15km, and more each time. The goal is to appear better to girls, and my own personal fulfilment will serve me somewhat, if I'm alone the rest of my life ::

Looks, when you strip can be a compound of good or bad. I like my strength & stamina inside; the ability to lift heavy, dodge, rush to action... to.. protect someone

For me yes. I would love to be good looking. Seeing as the one thing that I desire more than anything else is acceptance - I am sure good looks would help with that.
I think it would be a huge confidence booster.

Everyone wants to be accepted - I think good looks to a certain extent help pave the way for social/romantic acceptance and opportunity. I try to keep in shape - cant do much about my face though.

Good looks - unfortunately it's a world I will never know.

In some ways yes and other ways no. I finally look healthy. I certainly did not feel good about myself being underweight with acne, or the time my hair was falling out and I had bald spots in my head, etc.

Of course my social anxiety is still high, but reduced it a tiny bit yes because I don't feel like people are going to whisper when I walk past, plus I don't have to deal with people poking at me or pointing out negative things as much.

I still don't like going out into the world. It's a lose lose for me because of my anxiety, if I looked how I wanted to I would still have issues as much as I do now because I have an issue with confidence.

I look fine. I'm not a GQ model and never will be, and I'm kind of short with a head and neck that's a little big for the rest of my body. But what I do have to work with isn't bad. Acne was my biggest problem, but that's finally getting better as I reach my late 20's. Sigh.

But the real issue was always how I felt, not how I looked.

I personally have been told many things in my life. People said I'm good looking, handsome even, other times in my life people made insulting remarks to the way I look. I've had periods where I looked great and energetic and times when I was depressed and looked miserable and people reflected on that. I didn't take good care of myself during these times (not going to the hair stylist for long times, wearing sloppy clothing that didn't look good on me, getting flabby etc.)

So it's hard to make up my mind on the way I look. These days I take better care of my looks but I still feel kinda miserable often about my looks. When I walk the streets, especially in the parts where people come to flaunt their appearance, I always see guys way more fashionable and way more in shape then I am and it makes me feel like I need a complete make-over haha. I get frustrated about my wardrobe especially.


I think feeling like you look good helps a lot with mood and confidence. Atleast I find that to be the case. Taking care of your looks helps a lot, no matter if you're beautiful/handsome or average, if you feel well groomed and energetic that's the most important thing. It makes you feel comfortable about yourself so you don't have to worry about it.

no. from my experience, regardless of looks, it's always been an issue of my intelligence and worth.

I feel like it would definitely reduce it. But I've seen a lot of really beautiful people that have social anxiety. So, I'm not sure that it would make any difference because what I feel is so much stronger.

When I was 21, I lived and worked in a major Canadian city and knew I was attractive to some men. I had a great body, cute face and medium length bottle blonde hair ( only because I thought it would make my hair look thicker ). I had an ex-friend, of the male gender, who would phone me, on a regular basis, to inform me that he was only interested in having a private relationship with me but could not have a public one because I was too "poor and cheap" looking and he would be "embarrassed to be seen with me". I didn't want any contact with him but knew I couldn't antagonize him but his comments hurt like hell. I would look in the mirror and wondered about my looks and prayed that I would get some resolution because I was beginning to feel ugly. He was a true sadist and misogynist; scarier than any fictional character.

I travelled to my hometown (another major Canadian metropolis) and was met by my best friend and her new boyfriend who exclaimed that I looked exactly like the top model in that cosmopolitan city. There was an article about her in the newspaper with her picture looking just like me - there was that same smiling face on advertising all around the town. As I gazed up at my "twin" in a very confident fashion pose on a huge billboard in the middle of downtown, a man walked up to me and asked me how it felt to be "on top".
When I playfully asked him if he thought I looked like her, he said "You are her, c'mon, That is you!"

Well, my friend who had never felt ugly in her life, became jealous and told me clothes models are chosen for their slim bodies and bland faces so as not to distract from the latest fashions the advertiser wanted to sell. The really beautiful models were used for make-up and hair products. The really sexy ones sold liquor and vacations. Obviously, the advertiser felt that this model, my "twin", looked so much like the average female in this city that no one would notice her but would notice the clothes. Was I upset or insulted by her opinion? No, it made me joyful because I looked like an average young woman, not some low class wannabe hooker that this cruel guy was likening me to. I doubted this clothing empire would approve of a trashy chick to sell their expensive garments then plaster her photos all over the city.

When I returned to my adopted city and listened to this sociopath's phone rantings ( the police wouldn't get involved until he "did something criminal" ) about the defects in my appearance, it did not affect me because I realized he was trying to hurt me in everyway he could and his words were aimed at my very vulnerable self-esteem. He thought I looked like a cheap whore, my friend thought I looked bland and average, while my "twin" was getting rich posing in all those fabulous fashions in those huge billboards; smiling down on a city whose women wore those same outfits.

I was amazed that my prayers had been answered in the strangest way possible. I was OK, kinda average looking but leaning toward better than average depending on the province I was in. I wasn't too sexy or beautiful and didn't look like I had to turn tricks to pay the rent. I was average...normal...didn't scare small children...didn't pose a threat to other women...didn't need a complete makeover. I had been judged and found innocent of ugliness by a city of my peers so one crazy man's words had no effect anymore. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and as other posters have said:
...our own perception of ourselves, not the objective reality...your perception of your looks...
and:
...having good looks is absolutely no guarantee of anything...Everyone wants to be accepted.

Really, you look the way you look, and facing the world with a smile on an average face is much nicer than scowling at everyone like those runway models.

Hi MikeBird, I didn't ignore you and always read your posts.

I think looking better would only help me (just like looks itself) on a very superficial level. Yes, I would probably go out more and would hate my appearance less (which would make a difference) but i don't think it would go deep within and solve my anxiety and inferiority complex on a very profound and much needed level. So yes, it will reduce my anxiety for a while but ultimately it won't be able to cure it for good.

as i get older, and my anxiety lessens

i find that i keep getting better looking

or maybe my self esteem keeps improving

it's hard to tell

i don't like the way i look, i never really have, a lot of my anxiety stems from my own perception of the way i appear to others. I tend to compare myself alot when i am out in a group of friends or a random outing, my appearance is a central issue for me. I know being better looking would help reduce my anxiety, but at the end of the day, i would just wind up finding a flaw within myself once again. I think the thing is, that i will just never be happy with the way i look, and it's not about being better looking but about accepting the way i look.

I certainly wouldnt mind to kill Cesc Fabregas and steal his face..or his body...or his hair.

coyote said:

as i get older, and my anxiety lessens

i find that i keep getting better looking

or maybe my self esteem keeps improving

it's hard to tell

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It's funny how that works, when we think it's A that causes B, when it's in fact B that causes A. Then we try to change A to fix B, when it's B we should be focusing on.

vj288 said:

It's funny how that works, when we think it's A that causes B, when it's in fact B that causes A. Then we try to change A to fix B, when it's B we should be focusing on.

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if you can put that into a mathematical equation, i'll add it to my signature =^]

I don't always spend time doing my hair and picking out the right clothes, but when I do, I know I look good and find it easier to talk face-to-face. I am a guy, but who says we can't take care of our looks?