Your parents - too hard on you, or not hard enough?

I feel like if my parents sort of spoiled me as a kid. I would throw tantrums a lot, and they would give in most of the time. I'm an only child, and I would entertain myself most of the time at home, they wouldn't really make me go out and play with other kids in the neighborhood. I mean they've said that I should do things, but never forced me. I wonder if them being tougher on me would have made me into a normal, well balanced person, or if it would have made my problems even worse. Anyone relate to my situation?
 

creep_x

Well-known member
I can relate to it! I wish my parens had been a little tougher on me too. I also wish that they had forced me do more of houseold chores & otehr stuff like making bills etc. Now I am so lazy & disorganized.
My dad would always tell me to get out & play with kids but i would be too busy playing videogames.
 

Idioteque

Member
I don't think they were hard enough.. Being a middle child sucks lol. Because I'm by far the most intelligent (nice to blow my own trumpet there) of my siblings also most mature and sensible, I guess they never thought it was down to them to push me. They assumed I would do everything myself. Which is mostly true but it would have been nice to get a bit more support.
 

villacjs

Well-known member
This is one of those 'damned if you do, damned if you don't' question answers. People are going to say either too much protection or too little forcing to do things. I doubt anyone will say their parents got the balance right.

Having said that my parents should have let me go to parties when I was in highschool (they had a fear of alcohol and teenager combination). Also they should have forced me to get a part time job early when I was 16 or so.
 

lizzz

Member
I dunno - my mum was always very lenient - but I used to be scared when I was told off by my dad.

I read once that over protective/intrusive parenting made kids shy. Apparently, it instills the idea that they need instructions for how to behave all the time. The idea is that they are very nervous become social situations don't come with a set of instructions. I suppose it makes you feel like things can't come naturally to you - as you're used having to be told things.

I believe in this a bit - to this day my mum still dictates things that I should do when I go to a job interview or something, or even when taking something back to a shop. "go in, make eye contact smile etc..." I'm 26!
 

Ignace

Well-known member
Recognize the thoughts, my parents NEVER forced me doing something, my dad didn't really gave me attention & my mother was pretty fast working after my birth, so they (almost)never took me out to somewhere. I think that's the reason I have these ****load of problems.:mad:
 

Kustamogen

Banned
I think my parents did everything pretty much perfect. Not too hard not too soft. I was a good kid/teen in general so they never had reason to be harsh on me lol
 

penku

New member
My parents used to do everything for me, for example; when somebody (a relative maybe) asked a question to me it was always my father who answered it, I never got a chance to express myself to others especially in front of my parents. They always expected the best of me at school, they wanted me to be very hardworking.. when I got a low mark at an exam they used to tell me off very often but they never supported me at any subject. They never listened to my comments, never cared what I thought about something...
(this could go looong :))
 

Kanye West

Well-known member
My parents were probably a little too passive but I plan to raise my kids the same way. My Dad has always challanged me in school and sports but he never pushed for me to hang out with my friends and do the social thing. I think he didn't like when I hung out with my friends, for whatever reason. As a result i'm now have social anxiety.

Sometime I wish some sort of tramatic event would happen to me like getting shot, jumped, or hit by a car because it you survive it can have a drastic effect on your perspective. Usually the people who are the most successful are the ones who have been through the most.
 
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El_Pajaro

Well-known member
oh my parents...

well as a girl Im not as important as my brothers or even considered smart to them. My parents never treated me like a person I was their daughter, i'm like a belonging. They treated me like I was nothing...they still do.

and at the same time they expect me to be successfull

sometimes I wish my parents had been parents and not just people stuck with children
 

Scooter

Well-known member
I had one of each,
my Dad was much older than my Mum, he was very strict & very sexist. When I divorced my abusive, alcoholic, gambling etc husband, my Dad told me I was stupid because no other man would want me now.
My Mum was so happy to get away from him when they split (I was 12) that she forgot all about me while she went out & lived her life.

I definitely think they impacted, I was always trying to be good enough for my Dad, and always trying to get my Mum's attention
 

k123dave

Well-known member
My foster-mum was a lot stricter then my dad, sometimes she would moan at me for little or no reason whatsoever. She did get confrontational over things not being done well enough, or too late.
My foster-dad did have anger issues, but thankfully he did get over them and he became a lot better person for it.

Having said that they did love me very much, though it was not always apparent, and they did have a soft heart, and taught me many things.
 

lyricalliaisons

Well-known member
My mom was a lot of times too quick to give in when I wanted something. Like, every time we went to the store, she would always buy me something, even though she had very little money. On the other hand, though, she wasn't very understanding of the way I was at all. She would a lot of times force me to be around a lot of people, regardless of how hard it was for me.
My dad though, was the total opposite. He was far too strict & was always yelling at me for doing even the smallest things. He wasn't even the person that raised me, lived in another state & was only around occasionally, but when he was, he acted as if he had the right to boss me around.
 

Damaged

Well-known member
Yeah totally, i wouldnt say i was spoiled, but other people would. I don't get what i want when i want, just my parents like to help me a lot especially with not being able to leave the house.
Although i wish my mum was more harder on me, shes who i live with. But sometimes shes so distant i feel like she doesnt care about my situation.
 

secretly awesome

Well-known member
I've often had the thought expressed in the original thread post, in almost the exact wording. I was an only child and was spoiled in certain ways. My dad was a super social alcoholic and wasn't around too much. When I was around him and his buddies I thought they were boring *******s and they sometimes picked on me. My mom has anti-social tendencies and never had much to offer by way of social advice. Both of them would do anything for me and I'd say, if anything, they could have been harder on me. But I was very contrarian and I don't know if this would have had an effect. To this day they would probably give me anything and wouldn't cut me off for fear I'd just become homeless.
 

Emily_G

Well-known member
I wasn't spoiled...that was my brother. I used to resent him for that, now I realize it's his loss because he doesn't understand money, working, etc.
 
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