Cute girls

They're everywhere. You see them every day. You want to have them. You're not like them. You can't have them.

You can't even look at them without feeling guilty, so you divert your eyes away. You kind of force yourself to think that you're undermining their ego by doing that, but they actually feel more comfortable if you're not looking at them. The thing's ridiculous.

You get frustrated.

You tell yourself you must do whatever it takes to repress your instincts. You need to stop admiring female beauty at once. You have to be less shallow, more spiritual. Yep, that's definitely the solution to this.

No, you can't do that. You're genetically programmed to like that.

How in the world are you not going to even slightly appreciate that? How do you get out of this never-ending circle of wanting-not having-getting sad?

Brain problems like social phobia cause your mind to play tricks on you. Don't trust it. It will tell you lies. It really, really will.

Women may or may not want you to look at them--it depends on a lot of complicated stuff. Safest course: steal a glance but don't gawk.

Women, in a nutshell, are not like what your brain is telling you they're like. Learning how to interact with them does take practice. Do your best not to make any assumptions (easier said than done).

Rumplestiltskin said:

They're everywhere. You see them every day. You want to have them. You're not like them. You can't have them.

You can't even look at them without feeling guilty, so you divert your eyes away. You kind of force yourself to think that you're undermining their ego by doing that, but they actually feel more comfortable if you're not looking at them. The thing's ridiculous.

You get frustrated.

You tell yourself you must do whatever it takes to repress your instincts. You need to stop admiring female beauty at once. You have to be less shallow, more spiritual. Yep, that's definitely the solution to this.

No, you can't do that. You're genetically programmed to like that.

How in the world are you not going to even slightly appreciate that? How do you get out of this never-ending circle of wanting-not having-getting sad?

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Ok, I broke your text in sentences because I find many things wrong here.

First, you don't own anyone. You can't "have" them because a girl is not an item you can pick up and claim as your own. They choose to be with whoever they want to be, because they're individuals with freedom. And you have to accept it, like it or not. Wanting-not having-getting sad is a child's thing. A child sees a toy they can't have and they throw a tantrum. That's basically what a lot of you guys do, people can sense that, it drives them away.

Second, you're refering to girls as toys you want to play with. And a very sad thing is that you use animal instinct as an excuse. You are not a wild animal. And unlike animals, you can use common sense, rational thought and a lot of other things that supress instinct. You're not programmed to be like that. You choose to act that way.

Third, yes, a lot of girls will be comfortable if you don't look at them because, I don't know... maybe it's creepy?

Think about it.

I'll be lucky if "spiritual" is achievable for me, and if anyone even wants me on those grounds.

I distract myself with work. Work always returns my investment.

Hellhound said:

Ok, I broke your text in sentences because I find many things wrong here.

First, you don't own anyone. You can't "have" them because a girl is not an item you can pick up and claim as your own. They choose to be with whoever they want to be, because they're individuals with freedom. And you have to accept it, like it or not. Wanting-not having-getting sad is a child's thing. A child sees a toy they can't have and they throw a tantrum. That's basically what a lot of you guys do, people can sense that, it drives them away.

Second, you're refering to girls as toys you want to play with. And a very sad thing is that you use animal instinct as an excuse. You are not a wild animal. And unlike animals, you can use common sense, rational thought and a lot of other things that supress instinct. You're not programmed to be like that. You choose to act that way.

Third, yes, a lot of girls will be comfortable if you don't look at them because, I don't know... maybe it's creepy?

Think about it.

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I'm sure that Rumplestiltskin doesn't actually believe in objectifying women, but, like it or not, feelings can't fully be oppressed and even humans have animal instincts (yes, we are animals too). It's absolutely natural feeling those things, as long as you are able to control your impulses, which he seems to be able to do. Isn't he allowed to express his frustration?

Everyone has unhealthy impulses and I find it hurtful that you're criticizing him as if he was to blame for the way he feels.

Hellhound said:

Ok, I broke your text in sentences because I find many things wrong here.

First, you don't own anyone. You can't "have" them because a girl is not an item you can pick up and claim as your own. They choose to be with whoever they want to be, because they're individuals with freedom. And you have to accept it, like it or not. Wanting-not having-getting sad is a child's thing. A child sees a toy they can't have and they throw a tantrum. That's basically what a lot of you guys do, people can sense that, it drives them away.

Second, you're refering to girls as toys you want to play with. And a very sad thing is that you use animal instinct as an excuse. You are not a wild animal. And unlike animals, you can use common sense, rational thought and a lot of other things that supress instinct. You're not programmed to be like that. You choose to act that way.

Third, yes, a lot of girls will be comfortable if you don't look at them because, I don't know... maybe it's creepy?

Think about it.

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Shaming a guy for simply having desire and expressing a little frustration anonymously: that seems to be the gist of what you are saying here. You seem to have a genuine problem with this simple fact of human life. I'll give you some leg room though, because I understand not everyone experiences the same degree of desire... therefore, some may not know what it's like to feel unwanted or perpetually lonely this way, etc.

Looking at women is creepy? I look at women sometimes--and occasionally I'm met with a smile. They occasionally look at me as well. It doesn't necessarily mean anything, the fact that I simply *look without staring* doesn't mean anything, and the fact that sometimes they glance at me doesn't mean anything either. People will look at each other, it happens all the time.

Staring or gawking is a different matter. I think we all know that.

Please, loosen up, eh? Try looking at it from his angle, at the same time as yours.

Hey its normal to want to admire people you find attractive.
Most women like being admired, hardly none (that I know)ever like being gawked at.
Don't feel ashamed for having NATURAL MALE instincts and admiring another person's looks.
Women look just as much as men. I think they're more subtle.

But you need to get past the 'just looking' part and actually talk to them. You'll find it much better than just admiring from afar.

Nothing wrong about having a quick look at cute girls that are around you. Looking at someone you find attractive doesn't necessarily mean you have to start dry humping them, haha.

Just relax, mate. Girls look at boys, too. People just look at people. Go to any shopping mall, haha. Basic human curiosity, I suppose.

NathanielWingatePeaslee said:

Women may or may not want you to look at them--it depends on a lot of complicated stuff. Safest course: steal a glance but don't gawk.

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I have the impression that women liking a guy looking at them depends mainly on one thing -- whether the guy's attractive or not.

Hellhound said:

First, you don't own anyone. You can't "have" them because a girl is not an item you can pick up and claim as your own.

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You're just playing with words and taking my message too literally here. I gues you mustn't approve of an expression like "having a boy/girlfriend" either, right?

Anyway, if you don't like my use of "have", then just change it to "be with". And please bear in mind that I'm not a native speaker of English.

Hellhound said:

They choose to be with whoever they want to be, because they're individuals with freedom. And you have to accept it, like it or not.

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Afaik, no one has denied women's right to choose on this thread.

Hellhound said:

Wanting-not having-getting sad is a child's thing. A child sees a toy they can't have and they throw a tantrum. That's basically what a lot of you guys do, people can sense that, it drives them away.

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Wanting-not having-getting sad would be a child's thing if we were talking about owning a Ferrari, but it's not if we're talking about an irrepressible natural instinct like wanting to feel loved/have sex. That belongs to the lowest step in Maslow's hierarchy of needs.

Hellhound said:

Second, you're refering to girls as toys you want to play with.

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As long as there's consent by both sides, women are *toys* with whom to play just as much as men are.

Hellhound said:

And a very sad thing is that you use animal instinct as an excuse. You are not a wild animal. And unlike animals, you can use common sense, rational thought and a lot of other things that supress instinct. You're not programmed to be like that. You choose to act that way.

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It's a scientifically proven fact that we're programmed to want to have sex. Oh, and in case there's any doubt, by "we" I'm referring to everyone out there.

And then there's also affection, of course.

Hellhound said:

Third, yes, a lot of girls will be comfortable if you don't look at them because, I don't know... maybe it's creepy?

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As said before, what you consider to be a creepy situation can easily become a flirtatious one depending on who's on the other side.

Argentum said:

I'll be lucky if "spiritual" is achievable for me, and if anyone even wants me on those grounds.

I distract myself with work. Work always returns my investment.

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I seriously consider you to be an extraordinarily lucky person if work fulfills you.

PugofCrydee said:

Hey its normal to want to admire people you find attractive.
Most women like being admired, hardly none (that I know)ever like being gawked at.
Don't feel ashamed for having NATURAL MALE instincts and admiring another person's looks.
Women look just as much as men. I think they're more subtle.

Click to expand...

MikeyC said:

Nothing wrong about having a quick look at cute girls that are around you. Looking at someone you find attractive doesn't necessarily mean you have to start dry humping them, haha.

Just relax, mate. Girls look at boys, too. People just look at people. Go to any shopping mall, haha. Basic human curiosity, I suppose.

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I'm not ashamed by my feeling attracted to women and wanting to look at them, but by the fact that never in my life have I generated the same reaction in them. One just can't happily live like that. Not forever.

PugofCrydee said:

But you need to get past the 'just looking' part and actually talk to them. You'll find it much better than just admiring from afar.

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I suppose that's some good advice.

You never know, you could of got the same reaction, like someone else said, women are usually just more subtle about it.

Rumplestiltskin said:

.

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Fair enough :thumbup:

Attraction can become a fearful thing when experience over years teaches you it will never be reciprocated and will lead to many painful rejections.

Life for sf suffers have to put up with constent questions like why is he so liked, how did he manage to get her? Why cant i get girls like that, but it all comes down to the fact that you, we are not happy in ourselves, tey to look into things that make you happy, music, sports, gym, eatting healthy, turn your life around, you will eventually stop syressing with the questions that hount you.

Modern civilised society has failed men by not giving them a constructive way to express their sexual feelings.

Instead it has painted male sexual urges as something vulgar.

Men are expected to publicly express their sexual desires in a feminine way. Which is to say, not at all, or very discreetly. Almost imperceptibly or indirectly.

It is not surprising that civilised society keeps a lid on male sexuality, othwise it would be a free for all with a lot of fighting and very little civilised work would get done.

The civilised solution was to institutionalize male sexuality through things such as pornography, strip clubs, and keeping prostitution around but at arm's length else many men may lose interest in the cornerstone of civilised society, the domestic contract of marriage and family.

So when a male expresses frustration, a big part of that is the result of being domesticated for the sake of civilised society. But the old cave man urges are still there.

S_Spartan said:

Modern civilised society has failed men by not giving them a constructive way to express their sexual feelings.

Instead it has painted male sexual urges as something vulgar.

Men are expected to publicly express their sexual desires in a feminine way. Which is to say, not at all, or very discreetly. Almost imperceptibly or indirectly.

It is not surprising that civilised society keeps a lid on male sexuality, othwise it would be a free for all with a lot of fighting and very little civilised work would get done.

The civilised solution was to institutionalize male sexuality through things such as pornography, strip clubs, and keeping prostitution around but at arm's length else many men may lose interest in the cornerstone of civilised society, the domestic contract of marriage and family.

So when a male expresses frustration, a big part of that is the result of being domesticated for the sake of civilised society. But the old cave man urges are still there.

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What do you propose would be a "constructive" way for men to express their sexuality?

The way you write this, it's like men all over the world are stifled and all they really want to do is hump every woman they see with no consequences because that's the male urge. Unless I'm misinterpreting you.

MikeyC said:

What do you propose would be a "constructive" way for men to express their sexuality?

The way you write this, it's like men all over the world are stifled and all they really want to do is hump every woman they see with no consequences because that's the male urge. Unless I'm misinterpreting you.

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Well, technically everyone is stifled when they are forced to shoehorn themselves into a civilized society because at our very core human beings are not civilized.

There is an animal in everybody.

Biology/nature has put into men the urge to spread their genes. To fuel this it came up with testosterone. Testosterone is a powerful motivator.

What civilized society/industrial society has done is it's channeled that testosterone fueled motivation away from wanton lust of gene spreading and toward things that benefit society as a whole such as innovation and the acquisition of wealth.

Do you think it's coincidence that pornography and violent video games are so popular among men? These things don't exist for no reason.

When a man looks at pornography what he is doing is expressing his desire to spread his genes with many women. When he plays a violent videogame he is expressing his desire to fight other men for resources and to be recognized as a master protector/conqueror/provider in the eyes of women so that many women will desire to acquire his genes. It's all going on subconsciously.

Same could be said when a man becomes a workaholic in the real world to acquire as much wealth as possible to show it off to women thus making his genes more desirable.

All are virtual expressions of male sexuality that are approved by civilized society.

I am certainly not advocating becoming a society of rape and pillaging but rather over the last 40 years feminism has given women in the industrialized world a chance to catch up with modern sexuality.

However male sexuality is still thought to be creepy, vulgar, dangerous, uncomfortable, inconvenient, smarmy, desperate, something to be tamed, and PROFITABLE.

Hence we have a thread like this about not staring at a cute girl too long lest she become uncomfortable. And then we try to figure out what is an acceptable amount of time to stare and what qualifies as a stare or a glance.

S_Spartan said:

Men are expected to publicly express their sexual desires in a feminine way. Which is to say, not at all, or very discreetly. Almost imperceptibly or indirectly.

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What's the better way for men to express their sexual desires, then, in your opinion? Reading your post I don't see any direct implication of a more ideal way. (Unless my reading comprehension is spotty now, and I'm missing something...)

Oh my god, so much uberly complicated blabber behind something so simple like playing a video game.

A person plays a video game because they just like it. A person watches porno because they just felt like it. A guy works a lot because they merely feel like buying pretty things. There really is no explanation.

Bronson99 said:

What's the better way for men to express their sexual desires, then, in your opinion? Reading your post I don't see any direct implication of a more ideal way. (Unless my reading comprehension is spotty now, and I'm missing something...)

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Bronson99 said:

What's the better way for men to express their sexual desires, then, in your opinion? Reading your post I don't see any direct implication of a more ideal way. (Unless my reading comprehension is spotty now, and I'm missing something...)

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You aren't missing anything. There are no clear cut answers under the current paradigm.

Just as feminism broadened the definition of femininity in the industrialized world for women so to do men need something like that to happen.

There is this idea called gestaltism which claims that the whole is other than the sum of it's parts.

I think that maleness would benefit from this because maleness in the modern world is compartmentalized into narrow identities.

To this day feminists would insist that the essence of a woman doesn't matter, just the fact that she exists in female form is ample validation as a human.

But there is this vague notion that a man must meet certain requirements to be considered a "real man" by society. That maleness must be made whole in some way and through external validation from society.

It's late and I'm rambling here so I will stop now.

But I think that a good first step for individual men is to shed this idea that he must work in order to be made whole. Or to assume that he needs the approval from a woman/women to be made whole.

Don't know if any of that made any sense. It does in my mind but hard to put it into words.

S_Spartan said:

Do you think it's coincidence that pornography and violent video games are so popular among men? These things don't exist for no reason.

When a man looks at pornography what he is doing is expressing his desire to spread his genes with many women. When he plays a violent videogame he is expressing his desire to fight other men for resources and to be recognized as a master protector/conqueror/provider in the eyes of women so that many women will desire to acquire his genes. It's all going on subconsciously.

Same could be said when a man becomes a workaholic in the real world to acquire as much wealth as possible to show it off to women thus making his genes more desirable.

All are virtual expressions of male sexuality that are approved by civilized society.

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I can't totally agree with this. Women watch porn, too, because women also have sexual urges. While pornography is made for a male-orientated audience, women still watch it and enjoy it.

With video games, people play them for entertainment, for social interactions if it's multiplayer, and to pass some time/relax, not just to visualise death and killing. Besides, women also play video games.

Being a workaholic could be a myriad of reasons. He enjoys his job, he has a lot to do at work, he simply works long hours, he invests time in it to avoid other issues of his life (failing marriage, mental issues, etc.), or maybe his boss bullies him and he's trying to make amends.

Sorry, mate, but what you're saying may have some truth to a select few individuals, but I don't think it represents the male populace as a whole.

Hellhound said:

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I don't know about the other men here, but whenever I'm at a restaurant, this is how I act when I see a cute girl at another table. I thought it worked one time, but instead of giving me her number, she pepper-sprayed me. Still counts, right? :bigsmile: