But I'm more so curious as to WHY I obsess over people so easily and for such lengthy periods of time! Maybe no one has the answer to that. But I'd feel a lot better knowing there were other people in this world like me lol. I mean, c'mon! How many people do you know who obsess over people they barely know for 4 and 5 years??? Maybe my SA has something to do with it (I don't know), but this is pretty strange. I want to stop this behavior but I don't know how.
I guess I should add that I’ve never been in a relationship with a guy, so I wonder if this has a little to do with it? I actually scare myself. If I can act this way over a guy I don’t even know, what will I act like when I’m actually in a relationship w/ a guy and he breaks up with me??? I like to think I’m not one of those women who’d kill myself over a guy, but I really don’t know myself that well.
That's what I was saying. You are worried about someone who you would probably not even have liked if you had known him well enough. Chances are he was a jerk or someone who would have made you suffer. Yet you still care? Why? Because by focusing too much on him and daydreaming you have ended up distorting reality and feeling "imaginary" feelings. It's a problem I notice in people who are needy, desperate for love... like I am, damn it. I hate it. It's just that when your life sucks and you are an introvert, it's easy to create your own imaginary life in your head, and ending up with unreasonable expectations, hoping that special person you have in mind will come, rescue you, and change your life the way you have always dreamed of. Someday I'll find a solution.I feel so stupid for worrying about this guy who probably never even thought about me. It still just hurts so bad to know he's gone forever. I guess I should be thankful that my family is still here. I am thankful for my family. But I still wish he was here
I understand (to some extent). Perhaps it has to do with the fact that you're still young. I'm much older than you (32) and have more life experience, although I've never had a relationship. I'm sure that I too was more 'shallow' than I'm now when I was in my early 20s...Because I was distracted by his looks. His cuteness and the fact that he was actually giving me attention (well, sorta) was all I seemed to care about. (I realize how shallow that is). I'd start making excuses for his actions. I was shocked when I found out he went to jail for trying to rob someone. Because to me, he didn't seem like that type (guess u cant always jugde a book by its cover). I merely brushed it under the carpet by saying, "well, at least it was only attempted simple robbery and not armed robbery. Maybe he was just being stupid?" He went to jail for cocaine. I made up another excuse. "Well, that doesn't necessarily make him a bad person?"... In my mind I had this vision of what I WANTED him to be like. It may not make sense to you. Hell, it doesnt make sense to me! But believe me, if it had been that easy to just change my feelings for him, I would've done it long ago! I hated being obsessed over him like that bcus in the end it only made me feel worse about myself. It's not healthy for someone to obsess over ONE person like that. But, I just didn't know how to turn off those feelings.
You don't sound NEARLY as bad as me lol. It took you months to forget about her; it's taking me YEARSSS. That's beyond crazy! Sometimes I have crushes that only last for a few months. I just don't understand WHY it's taking so long to forget about him. I use his name for most of my passwords. Matter fact, my password for this site is his name lol. I said if I ever had a son I'd name him after him. I just don't understand why he's so different from every other cush. I think I was just THAT infatuated with his looks lol (I realize how pathetically shallow that is). I guess part of it also has to do with the fact that I don't get out much, therefore I'm not meeting very many people. Sometimes I wonder if he ever thought about me, because I've thought about him almost everyday lol. I can be taking a shower or doing my hair and all of a sudden he'll pop into my head. I still can't believe he's dead though. When I first found out the news I was like, "he can't be dead!" Like he was actually gonna come back to life or something. I always said one day we'd meet again. Now I KNOW that'll NEVER happen. I'm still kinda having a hard time coming to grips with reality. It's sounds unreal to even say, "_______ is gone, dead." I know you probably don't care to read or know all of this. It's just that this has been clouding my mind ALL DAY LONG. I just want to erase him (COMPLETELY) from my memory. He's making me even more depressed
I have so much to say so if I sound all over the place just bare with me… I’ve been obsessed over this one guy for almost 5 years. Yes, 5 whole years! I met him at school in September of 2004. Till this day, I still believe he’s the cutest boy (well, he’s a man now lol) I’ve ever met or seen. He’d only spoken to me about 3 times. Sometimes he’d see me around school and wouldn’t say a word. He had this clean cut image, but I later discovered another side of him. In Nov. of 2004, he got arrested & thrown out of school for attempted simple robbery. I was depressed throughout the whole school year because I missed seeing him around. (I mean, who gets depressed over someone they hardly know!?)… In April of 2005, I saw him while I was at a mall. He approached me 1st, but he acted like he wasn’t sure if I was the “right” person (yea, riiiight). Anyway, he wrote down his number and told me to call him. I began to write my # on a piece of paper but before I could hand it to him he quickly said, “I don’t want ur number. You’re gonna call me.” (I’d never been hit on and turned down at the same time lol) So I said, “and what if I don’t call you?” He then demanded, “NO! You’re GONNA call me!… right?”… I called his house a few days later but I pretended like I had the wrong number. (As much as I liked him, I was still scared to really get to know him). He ended up going to jail, AGAIN, like the next day for criminal trespassing. This time he did about 6 months in jail. I knew he was nothing but trouble, but I made up all kinds of excuses to try & convince myself otherwise. I became depressed again; I literally cried tears over this guy I hardly knew. I envisioned being his girlfriend. Even if I had gotten the courage to call him, it would‘ve seemed weird for me call 6 or 7 months later… I was so obsessed over him I actually started stalking his sister’s myspace page (he didn’t have one). I’ve been stalking her page, waiting for her to upload pics of her brother since June 2006! Insane, I know! At one point I’d spend hours on myspace just waiting for her to update her page. I practically know his sister’s whole life story. I’m gradually starting to forget about him though; but not quite. Wanna know the worst part? He’s dead now. I checked her page yesterday and learned he died 2 days ago (May 27). I like to had a heart attack when I read that headline. This has been getting to me for the past 2 days. Why on earth am I so depressed over a guy I don’t even know!? I wish I’d never met him because I’ve been obsessing over him since the day I laid eyes on him. I want to forget about this loser and move on with my life so bad, but I can’t. (I hate to refer to him as a loser, but maybe saying mean things about him will make me stop liking him). I guess I should add that I’ve never been in a relationship with a guy, so I wonder if this has a little to do with it? I actually scare myself. If I can act this way over a guy I don’t even know, what will I act like when I’m actually in a relationship w/ a guy and he breaks up with me??? I like to think I’m not one of those women who’d kill myself over a guy, but I really don’t know myself that well. When I was 12 I use to obsess over this boy who stayed across from me for 2 whole years! When I was 14 ½ I started obsessing over this one guy I worked with. I got over him a year later when I met the guy I’m speaking of now. I have no choice but to forget about him now that he’s gone. But why do I obsess over ppl this way to begin with??? I’m talking 5 whole years! What’s wrong with me?!?
I'm sorry but how anyone can obsess over a thug/criminal is totally beyond me. That's insane. That person might have killed you, if you were with him, who knows??
And I think SA has a lot to do with it... I'm sure this is more common than the responses thus far have indicated. I can't say for sure, but it just makes sense that when you have limited social contact, you would easily get obsessed over one person (or even a few perhaps) because you don't really interact with that many people to begin with. You feel the need to hold on to the few that show you any attention or spark your interest because you see your chances of connecting with a new person as very low. And perhaps we "idealize" our view of that person because we want them to fit into our vision of the "perfect" match for us, and maybe we take comfort in living in the fantasy that our mind has created because we instinctively know that we won't find it that easily, if at all, in the real world.
I'm not sure how to not obsess in this manner, except perhaps learning to engage yourself with more people so that this kind of attention happens more often and isn't perceived in your mind as being "rare" anymore. And we need to be willing to see people as they really are, and not just how we would like for them to be, along with accepting that no one is going to be "perfect."
Well, my theory as to why you would so avidly chase after one such as him would be because you've never truly felt loved or appreciated by anyone. All humans desire it and some, if left with no other options, will seek methods such as yours. Have you suffered much in your life? Have you felt unloved and uncared for by your family? Perhaps no one has ever told you that you have done things right or that you are a good person? Factors such as this can contribute to you attempting to find love in someone you hardly know.