Social-E-Aukward
Well-known member
So, I've been thinking hard the last few months.
I've noticed that I don't have a problem associating with most ordinary people (here in meaning people that I don't have a strong emotional attachment to) when I really want to. I can actually get along well with most of my family most of the time.
I think the biggest factor in my social avoidance tendencies is the fact that I tend to just not like people. People disgust me... and I think that's horrible of me to think, but I still think it. :-\
I don't go out, because I'm so certain that I'll just be annoyed by nearly anyone. I'm awkward in most social situations because I'm not there by choice, so I just want to leave because I don't see any reason to be fake or friendly with people.
All this makes me feel like a very selfish and judgmental person...
Why hang out with someone if I don't get anything out of it?
Why should I put up with people when I don't HAVE to?
It's easy to just shut the door and be alone, right? Well... no, it's not easy. It sucks. I have a basic need for human interaction. That's why I get so sad when I lock myself away. I need people...
I'm scared that someone WILL find themselves attracted to me, not that someone won't. That probably sounds vain, but I don't think I'm particularly good looking. I've just had too many experiences with someone who I just liked as a friend deciding that they wanted more and didn't care what I felt anymore. That's a great way to destroy a friendship, btw.
I don't want drama, and whenever I associate myself with people, that's all that seems to come from it. Gossiping, lying, manipulation... and the people who act like they own me, or have some right to make my decisions for me.
I wonder if maybe I'm a weird one for frequently just disliking people. It seems most people who suffer from a social phobia want to be around people, but get scared or nervous... That only happens around my ex (who I'm still crazy about, btw), now-a-days... the rest of the time I tend to just hate humanity.
I've noticed that I don't have a problem associating with most ordinary people (here in meaning people that I don't have a strong emotional attachment to) when I really want to. I can actually get along well with most of my family most of the time.
I think the biggest factor in my social avoidance tendencies is the fact that I tend to just not like people. People disgust me... and I think that's horrible of me to think, but I still think it. :-\
I don't go out, because I'm so certain that I'll just be annoyed by nearly anyone. I'm awkward in most social situations because I'm not there by choice, so I just want to leave because I don't see any reason to be fake or friendly with people.
All this makes me feel like a very selfish and judgmental person...
Why hang out with someone if I don't get anything out of it?
Why should I put up with people when I don't HAVE to?
It's easy to just shut the door and be alone, right? Well... no, it's not easy. It sucks. I have a basic need for human interaction. That's why I get so sad when I lock myself away. I need people...
I'm scared that someone WILL find themselves attracted to me, not that someone won't. That probably sounds vain, but I don't think I'm particularly good looking. I've just had too many experiences with someone who I just liked as a friend deciding that they wanted more and didn't care what I felt anymore. That's a great way to destroy a friendship, btw.
I don't want drama, and whenever I associate myself with people, that's all that seems to come from it. Gossiping, lying, manipulation... and the people who act like they own me, or have some right to make my decisions for me.
I wonder if maybe I'm a weird one for frequently just disliking people. It seems most people who suffer from a social phobia want to be around people, but get scared or nervous... That only happens around my ex (who I'm still crazy about, btw), now-a-days... the rest of the time I tend to just hate humanity.