Quietguy11
Well-known member
Tonight was painful. I was invited to sit in on a game or "session" of Dungeons and Dragons with a few people I know, and some other people who I didn't know. I arrived at 5:00pm and had to sit there in shyness/anxiety/and awkwardness until finally I couldn't take it anymore, whipped out my cell phone, pretended I was exchanging texts with my parents, and then announced that I was getting picked up and that I had to leave. In some ways I feel like I let myself down, and let my shyness and anxiety steal the night from me, but it was just so unbearable that I had no choice but to leave.
At first I was thinking, "Who cares, I'm not talking. These guys are too interested in their game to even care that I'm not talking." That was until one of them spoke up and said, "You are very quiet." then another jumped in and said, "Yea, you can speak up more you know." My anxiety levels increased dramatically after I heard those words because all I could do was laugh a little bit and say something like, "Yea."
So when I left, I walked home, which was about a 25-30 minute walk, and the whole time I was walking home I was beating myself up for not being more social with everyone. Sometimes this shyness really annoys me. It's like I want to talk, but my brain won't let me speak. It's a mix between being fearful to speak and not really knowing what to say. Online is different. Online I can normally get all my thoughts out because the pressure is off me, and I don't have to talk face to face.
I don't know, people say, "Ask questions if you don't know what to talk about." I try that sometimes, but even that's hard... the anxiety interferes with the fluency of my voice. I actually find it harder to speak because I have to force my voice out, I feel absent minded, and my voice feels like it's trembling.
But when I hear someone say to me how quiet I am, it really puts the pressure on me. I wish people would just understand that not everyone operates the same way socially.
At first I was thinking, "Who cares, I'm not talking. These guys are too interested in their game to even care that I'm not talking." That was until one of them spoke up and said, "You are very quiet." then another jumped in and said, "Yea, you can speak up more you know." My anxiety levels increased dramatically after I heard those words because all I could do was laugh a little bit and say something like, "Yea."
So when I left, I walked home, which was about a 25-30 minute walk, and the whole time I was walking home I was beating myself up for not being more social with everyone. Sometimes this shyness really annoys me. It's like I want to talk, but my brain won't let me speak. It's a mix between being fearful to speak and not really knowing what to say. Online is different. Online I can normally get all my thoughts out because the pressure is off me, and I don't have to talk face to face.
I don't know, people say, "Ask questions if you don't know what to talk about." I try that sometimes, but even that's hard... the anxiety interferes with the fluency of my voice. I actually find it harder to speak because I have to force my voice out, I feel absent minded, and my voice feels like it's trembling.
But when I hear someone say to me how quiet I am, it really puts the pressure on me. I wish people would just understand that not everyone operates the same way socially.