Och aye the noo

[theslowesthand]

F**k! Growing up as strictly as ah wus raised is bound make anyone pissed off. The religious stuff, that gave way to the rules that ah wus telt to follow. Even now, ah cannae even buy booze with ma ain money. Yet, everyone else in ma family can do as they please

But do you have a pub nearby that ye can get to? Might be the only place to have a quite drink?

 

[Graeme1988]

So let me get this right, on the one hand they view themselves as smarter, wiser, & altogether superior to you ... yet on th other hand they view you as being smarter in the book-smart sense? And they tell ye that ya can do more than ye think, but just not as much as THEY can do (even tho in truth they're as lazy as)? Am i still confused with this? :question: :thinking:

Aye, that's pretty much it, to be honest. Guess ye could say, they're smarter, wiser & superior in terms of their life experience.

Anyway, they'll talk me up, as a way of instilling confidence, saying I'm smart n' sensible. Telling me ah shouldnae think so low of myself, me despite not feeling on par with ma family. Since I've basically had to learn by f**king up.

Ah mean, almost every member of my immediate family has told me, at least once, that I'm smarter than them in some way. Me being me, I always play down these kinda remarks.

But whenever I make suggestion about something, it'll get dismissed. My mum's more prone to do this. As well as, getting moody when I insist upon doing something by myself without her help. Or if I go do something, like having a shave, my mum will insist that I put it off, for no reason, other than she insists on helping get everything ready for me. Despite being able to all that myself.

As far as the laziness goes, if my mum is just lying on the living couch; and I suggest that we try and my room upstairs tidied. We'll agree to do it on a particular day, but when that day comes around, she'll make an excuse.

Yet, whenever my mum or sisters attempt to brow-beat me into doing something they suggested and I refuse, because I don't feel up to doing it, they'll accuse me of being lazy, selfish, self-centred, etc. In fact, most things I do for myself are viewed like this by them. Since it's no whit they want.

Does that make sense? :question: Ah knows... it's confusing as f**k, but this what I've got to live with.

 

[Graeme1988]

But do you have a pub nearby that ye can get to? Might be the only place to have a quite drink?

Aye, there a couple of pubs nearby. One within walking distance of where ah live. And there's a hotel with a bar, which isn't far from my house. Still don't think ma mum would allow me to go, despite being of age tae drink. She kinda strange when it comes tae me drinking booze. She fine with it, if we gan away tae Glasgow or Edinburgh, but disapprove of me drinking in the house. :idontknow:

As ah've said, I've long since stopped questioning the logic behind my mum's strict, weird way of thinking, and just accept things as they are. :sad: If that means I'm seen as a weirdo, och well...

 

[Graeme1988]

I'm start to think life's meant to be a constant struggle for folk like me. :sad:
Making yin mistake efter the other, and lwarning fae it, cuz ma family sure as f**k too the lazy way as far as teaching me stuff.
"Och! He'll figure it oot himsel'..." might as well huv been ma mum's approach to raising me.

Probably why I'm so book-smart but am lacking elsewhere in life? :question:
Ah dinnae ken... :idontknow: All I know is life's difficult maist o' the time for me. :kickingmyself:

 

[Graeme1988]

Ya done it again, Graeme. You... glakit, spastic c*nt ye!

Just realised ah've wasted £200 on an audio interface, when for half that price, ah could've got yin, which had everything I needed and just 2 speaker inputs. :kickingmyself:

Went n' bought this one:

When this interface is the one that's pretty suited to my speaker setup in my bedroom:

h:

 

[Graeme1988]

I'm never going to back inta playin' my electric guitar at this rate. :sad:

 

[Graeme1988]

On a more positive, and slightly terrfying note, I might be getting a tattoo done in a couple weeks time. Thinking about getting this Aries star sign on my inner right forearm. :thinking:

Then, hopefully get ma 3D Scottish Saltire flag tattoo done on ma outer forearm afore the summer.

The music notes on ma fingers , ah huv'nae quite settle on which order I want them to go on; so might as well get the tats that I definitely want done, before getting those inked.

 

[theslowesthand]

Has yer mum okay about you gettin tats then?? Or are ye doin it despite her rules? :question:

 

[PugofCrydee]

Got any tatts currently Graeme?

 

[Graeme1988]

is yer mum okay about you gettin tats then?? Or are ye doin it despite her rules? :question:

No, this isnae like the time ah got ma right eyebrow pierced. :bigsmile:
As far as my mum being okay with the tats, it's hard to tell. I mean, she says it's my choice and she's no bothered, in her typically indifferent tone of voice. :idontknow:

Though, she'll probably freak out about my first tattoo and give me guff for it? Since she always spouting her negativity at me; being critical of almost everything I do. :sad:

 

[Graeme1988]

Also, while on the topic, ah don't know how much long I can put up with my mum's eccentric behaviour. I'm not talking about the occasional hilarious joke. Ah mean her inability to take anything serious. Everythings gotta be a feckin' joke. :kickingmyself: :veryangry:

 

[Graeme1988]

Got any tatts currently Graeme?

Nope! My mum's been constantly discouraging me from getting 'em. I want to get a tattoo for ma 18th birthday., but she wus huvin none of it. Or me going out for a drink with one of my cousins. It's only since the surgery and the shouty argument we had during my rehab n' recovery, that my mum's kinda stopped being as controlling.


And my oldest sister's also been trying to put me off, telling me about the pain and noise of tattoo needles. Obviously dismissing what I went through within the last year with ma surgery and the pain involved there, from my perspective. As well as the scars that resulted from it, and having to get blood taken more than once... Is a tattoo really going to worse than aw that? :question:

 

[Graeme1988]

Cannae find the proper to convey the f**kin' rage ah feel. Urgh! :kickingmyself: :veryangry: Every-f**kin'-time ah make a decision, which tae me seems pretty sensible, well thoughtout, right? My mum has to butt in her opinion that I'm wrong, or making a mistake. But ah go: "How?", which in Scots lingo is asking why, she just shugs her shoulders n' goes: :idontknow: "Ah dinnae ken, it's up tae you. You know whit's best..." or "Oooh... ah wouldnae dae that.

Eh?! If ah know best, how come almost everytime my mum for her opinion, she immediate contradicts me? Yet the wimmin in my family are perfect and can do no wrong. That is if ye gloss over the moments when they've thrown violent child-like taantrum when told "No" or got upset over summit trival. Then aye, they're perfect.

Don't know much long ah cun go on, trying to reconcile the "Yer effin' useless. You'd be nowt withoot us" narrative with the "You do anythin' ye set yer mind to; yer brave, etc. What would we do without ye?" narrative.

The irony of this being that, I'm the one whom actually tries to get stuff done, and my family are always asking me do them favours - like fix a laptop, print these photos or documents. Or even do simple things like opening a jar or bottle: "You got stronger arms that me, here open this..."

Yet, for whatever reason, it's me who's always being ungrateful?

I'm damned if ah do, damned if ah don't, to be honest. Like it doesnae matter what ah think, it all about making them happy, tellin' 'em what they want to hear. Since it's fine for them to judge me, making assumption about me, etc, But if I don't to them... Naw, naw - that's not on, like.

Why did I have be raised by the less knowledgeable parent, who - to me - only seems to give a shit when it's convenient.

Sorry, ah know, I complain aboot ma family alot. But it's hard going, having to try ma best to take care of myself, despite ma disability; and in someway, take care of my family. It's easy when all the pressure and expectation seems to always be on you.

 

[Graeme1988]

What makes Scottish comedians so funny? | The Guardian

An article written on Robert Burns Day, so it's a few days auld. Nonetheless, an interest wee read, especially if yer no Scottish and ye want a wee bit o' an understand as to Scotland's sense of humour.

 

[Graeme1988]

Thank f**k I keep back-up copies of documents that ah cannae afford to lose on external hard drives. Ah wus just in middle o' writing up the story of whit last year wus like for me, when ma laptop crashed...

 

[theslowesthand]

Thank f**k I keep back-up copies of documents that ah cannae afford to lose on external hard drives. Ah wus just in middle o' writing up the story of whit last year wus like for me, when ma laptop crashed...

I now wished ta god i'd made proper backups for my main computer. As have found out that one of the HDDs is trashed (can't even turn on, according to tech guy). So that right there could be the end of 20-25 YEARS worth of documents, programming, etc, etc, etc. So a HUGE DISASTER, and i'm thinking the worrying about it has turned me hard-on to th grog. All those 1000s hours of work gone without a trace. That really f*cks me off too. I was too lame (impatient/slow/..) to make full/complete backups of both drives to an external drive. Nothing less than that is acceptable really. I've had computers/drives stop working before, but this time i might not be able to recover the data, like i've done on several occasions before. WHY OH WHY did this scenario have to happen!!! :thumbdown::kickingmyself:mg:

 

[theslowesthand]

Don't know much long ah cun go on, trying to reconcile the "Yer effin' useless. You'd be nowt withoot us" narrative with the "You do anythin' ye set yer mind to; yer brave, etc. What would we do without ye?" narrative

Could be that their opinions vary according the mood their in? So if they in good mood, they say (exaggerated) postive things, and if they in bad mood, they say (exaggerated) negtive things .. but either way its all B*LL*CKS, as they clearly are not rational people. So mybe you need to start questioning ALL their words (not verbally, as you'll just get useless rubbish answers from them, but internally). That is, if the term is correct, and meaning no offense, you might need to start "taking responsibility" for what verbal informaytion you believe. Don't leave it to them to state what is right or wrong, what is correct or incorrect. Like at school, i often did not trust what the teachers said, but had to look it up in an authorised textbook, before i trusted the info as valid, and then i could "take it onboard". You must treat their words as what they really are - irrational opinions (as, as i said, they are irrational people in general, so what they say must also therefore be irrational in the main).

 

[Graeme1988]

I now wished ta god i'd made proper backups for my main computer. As have found out that one of the HDDs is trashed (can't even turn on, according to tech guy). So that right there could be the end of 20-25 YEARS worth of documents, programming, etc, etc, etc. So a HUGE DISASTER, and i'm thinking the worrying about it has turned me hard-on to th grog. All those 1000s hours of work gone without a trace. That really f*cks me off too. I was too lame (impatient/slow/..) to make full/complete backups of both drives to an external drive. Nothing less than that is acceptable really. I've had computers/drives stop working before, but this time i might not be able to recover the data, like i've done on several occasions before. WHY OH WHY did this scenario have to happen!!! :thumbdown::kickingmyself:mg:

I've had the same issues with external HDD as well. As far as them no working on ma laptop, but if ye buy yersel' a HDD caddy reader, they usually read the drives, nae bother. If ye cun handle huvin to mount them to the reader, and screw them in place.
As ye would, in a PC tower, I'd imagine? :question: Then power-on the reader and connect it to yer laptop.
My suggestion, though, trying backing up files to discs, which what I do if I definitely don't want to lose photos, documents or videos.

 

[Graeme1988]

Could be that their opinions vary according the mood their in? So if they in good mood, they say (exaggerated) postive things, and if they in bad mood, they say (exaggerated) negtive things .. but either way its all B*LL*CKS, as they clearly are not rational people.

Oh, my mum's definitely like this. Her opinion varies depending on her mood. And as far as not being rational? Ah think that could apply to most of my immediate family, at least as far as expressing an opinion without much thought as to what they're saying.

So mybe you need to start questioning ALL their words (not verbally, as you'll just get useless rubbish answers from them, but internally). That is, if the term is correct, and meaning no offense, you might need to start "taking responsibility" for what verbal information you believe. Don't leave it to them to state what is right or wrong, what is correct or incorrect. Like at school, i often did not trust what the teachers said, but had to look it up in an authorised textbook, before i trusted the info as valid, and then i could "take it onboard". You must treat their words as what they really are - irrational opinions (as, as i said, they are irrational people in general, so what they say must also therefore be irrational in the main).

So, don't take them on their word, as far them telling me "Oh, ye should do this or that", or that I'm useless? I get ye! And none taken on the offence, there. It's just difficult when my mum tends to call me a b@$%@* if I stand up for myself against her opinion or what she says. Tends to like being controlling, doesnae like when I disagree or go against her wishes. But then neither does my sisters, so...

They'll say sorry after the fact, but ah kinda feel that it's not worth accepting, since I did nothing wrong, accept do what was right for me. Or point out an irritating thing that my mum tends to only do with me, like interrupting me when I speak because she thinks she's knows what I'm going to say.

Though, when it comes to questioning their words - sorry, but there are times when ah've got to do that verbally, since my mum tends to be vague when describing something, and she expects me to "...know what she's on about". :kickingmyself:

 

[Graeme1988]

Could be that their opinions vary according the mood their in? So if they in good mood, they say (exaggerated) postive things, and if they in bad mood, they say (exaggerated) negtive things .. but either way its all B*LL*CKS, as they clearly are not rational people. So mybe you need to start questioning ALL their words (not verbally, as you'll just get useless rubbish answers from them, but internally). That is, if the term is correct, and meaning no offense, you might need to start "taking responsibility" for what verbal informaytion you believe. Don't leave it to them to state what is right or wrong, what is correct or incorrect. Like at school, i often did not trust what the teachers said, but had to look it up in an authorised textbook, before i trusted the info as valid, and then i could "take it onboard". You must treat their words as what they really are - irrational opinions (as, as i said, they are irrational people in general, so what they say must also therefore be irrational in the main).

Also, I feel as though I've been doing the whole validating information thing most of my life, since my family still have a tendency to lie about stuff to me. Another reason to question them verbally. And they tend to want me to valid their irrational opinions, which I do most of the time, as I can't be arsed thinking too much and questioning them on why they believe this? Normally when I do this to my mum, she's just shrugs her shoulders n' goes:

"Ah dinnae ken..." :idontknow:​

What I'm saying is: It's stressful having to constantly have this interrogation going on inside ma heid whenever I interact with my family.
:question: :thinking: