This may or may not be SA related, but the more I think about it the less reasons I can think of to keep living. It may have been the decades of isolation making a mess of my brain but I just don't seem to be able to feel joy in the least, and I can't find something that would make life worth living.
I'm not suicidal or anything, and I'm far too cowardly to even think about harming myself, but there's nothing that could make life less bland, so if death would come to me I'd gladly accept it.
A fullfilling job, relationships, traveling... None of that would make life any less miserable, so I'd rather not exist altogether.
Sometimes I think getting lost in the woods on a north european country could bring a little joy to my existence, but I know full well I'd get bored eventually and I'd be back to feeling nothing. And this isn't something medication can fix, I have been on antidepressants for many years, tried a few of them, and all they'd do is numb down any negative feelings, but the goods ones were nowhere to be found. Maybe my brain isn't built to feel them at all, I can't think back to a time where I felt good. I'm a lost cause, I think.
I'm not suicidal or anything, and I'm far too cowardly to even think about harming myself, but there's nothing that could make life less bland, so if death would come to me I'd gladly accept it.
A fullfilling job, relationships, traveling... None of that would make life any less miserable, so I'd rather not exist altogether.
Sometimes I think getting lost in the woods on a north european country could bring a little joy to my existence, but I know full well I'd get bored eventually and I'd be back to feeling nothing. And this isn't something medication can fix, I have been on antidepressants for many years, tried a few of them, and all they'd do is numb down any negative feelings, but the goods ones were nowhere to be found. Maybe my brain isn't built to feel them at all, I can't think back to a time where I felt good. I'm a lost cause, I think.