How would you feel about a hug?

X

xnn

Well-known member
I want to hug another guy at work who have social anxiety (does this sound gay?)
Well, anyway for me getting a hug is amazing. As I always have thoughts that people don't like me, that I'm disgusting, ugly and so on, a hug could really help me.
This other guy is just like me, and that's why I like him so much. He don't talk to others and try to avoid social contact.
We work together everyday and are out doing deliveries together. He is very nice when he talk. He don't say much, and he only replies if I ask direct questions. Would you like getting a hug suddenly from a coworker?
I'm so affraid that he will reject me.
 
GraybeardGhost

GraybeardGhost

Well-known member
Man-hugs are something you have to build up to. It takes time—months, sometimes years—to get there (except in AA meetings for some reason). From what you've described here and in other posts, you're not there yet with this guy, not even close. Don't push your luck. Try to find other ways to express your friendship.
 
Hoppy

Hoppy

Well-known member
Why don't you ask him?

I would get very upset if someone hugs me without a reason.
 
Sacrament

Sacrament

Well-known member
Maybe go for the bro hug and if he reacts negatively, tell him you're sorry but it's just something you do with male friends. Then tell him that if he doesn't feel comfortable, a handshake or a fist bump is just as good. Why do you want to hug him exactly?
 
S_Spartan

S_Spartan

Well-known member
I don't like hugging strangers at all. Recently some woman tried to hug me because I found her money and returned it and she was very grateful but I couldn't do the hug so I just held her hands when she thanked me and then I got the hell out of there!
 
PugofCrydee

PugofCrydee

You want to know how I got these scars?
hugs from strangers? No thanks. If some guy at work wanted to 'bro hug' me? no thanks.

From someone you have known for at least a while? Yea I actually love them. But not from work colleagues.
It took me a while to become used to giving/receiving them but yea, now I love them.

I give the best hugs too btw.. :)
 
SilentBird

SilentBird

Well-known member
When somebody hugs me, they are hugging a shell, although they may feel they are hugging somebody. And I don't feel that person hugging me. I play along with the facade to avoid judgment.
 
BlackPuma

BlackPuma

1
I don't really mind hugs personally, as long as don't they last too long. But as you've noticed, male straight relationships are a little complicated when it comes to direct physical expression of emotion.

If you really have to, I'd go for a pat on the back for the time being. That's pretty neutral and short lived. If he expresses objection against that, then you have your definitive answer.

That said, it's a nice gesture that you'd want to.
 
Xervello

Xervello

Well-known member
Depends on the situation. Sometimes hugs are appropriate, other times not. If he hasn't showed himself as one who likes hugs, I wouldn't. Being an introvert myself, I'd feel awkward were someone to give me a hug that wasn't immediate family. And even if they WERE family I might still feel awkward. Rather than hug him, maybe have a personal conversation with him instead. Something like, "I noticed you don't talk much. Me either." and go from there.
 
Megaten

Megaten

Well-known member
It would terrify me tbh. I would think it was a cry for help. Like "this is the last time Im going to see this guy".
 
X

xnn

Well-known member
Xervello said:
Rather than hug him, maybe have a personal conversation with him instead. Something like, "I noticed you don't talk much. Me either." and go from there.
Click to expand...

Saying "you don't talk much..." I don't think he needs to hear that. Noone with social anxiety likes to be told that!
I could give him a clap on his shoulders and call him my friend maybe?
 
vj288

vj288

not actually Fiona Apple
xnn said:
Saying "you don't talk much..." I don't think he needs to hear that. Noone with social anxiety likes to be told that!
I could give him a clap on his shoulders and call him my friend maybe?
Click to expand...

I think a lot of us recognize we don't talk much, and aren't offended or hurt upon hearing it from other people. Having someone say they're cool with it and don't judge them for it can actually be nice to hear I think. Everyone is different of course, some people don't like to acknowledge things like that. But there's nothing wrong with not talking a lot, and being treated as such is nice.
 
Bronson99

Bronson99

Well-known member
S_Spartan said:
I don't like hugging strangers at all. Recently some woman tried to hug me because I found her money and returned it and she was very grateful but I couldn't do the hug so I just held her hands when she thanked me and then I got the hell out of there!
Click to expand...

Seems like you missed some kind of opportunity, there.
 
Janey

Janey

Member
I love hugs, but as others have already said, I think it's really weird for someone I'm not close with to give me one.
 
J

JohnB

Member
Dont do it unless he is gay. If you do and he does give you a hug back he is going to assume your gay. If he finds out your not he may punch you. Other than family and one gay guy i have never been hugged by a guy.
 
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