Terrified of MEN!

Hello, I am a woman who experiences some unpleasant emotions when I am in close contact with men. I feel sort of mixed feelings.

On the one hand, I feel frightened of them because, although I haven't experienced a lot of bad treatment myself, I have heard so many stories from others about abuse, harassment, etc. I am afraid they will hurt me, or stare at me in a degrading manner, or heap verbal abuse on me. These thoughts pop into my head whenever I am alone with men I am unfamiliar with. Sadly, these thoughts are coming to me now even when I am alone with male family members. Also, I know it is strange, but I get quite jumpy and stressed when a single man comes to check out his goods at my job at a grocery store. Do you women feel this way? Are these thoughts irrational? How do I get over these feelings?

On the other hand, I am single, and heterosexual, and find men very attractive. I would like to get married one day, and have children. Thus, I also feel very insecure around men, and worry about whether I am being approved of by them -- I worry about whether they think I am beautiful and confident, and basically adequate as a woman. I worry that they will dislike me and not accept me.

In other words, I am really obsessed by men, but I try my hardest to avoid them because they make me so upset. Ladies, any comments would be appreciated. Also, I have read some other threads, and I REALLY do not want to hear any paranoid rants by bitter men.

I'm in the same boat and I am a man!!!!

I was abused sexually as a child and have a phobia of men, I have only a few Male freinds who I have known for years, I feel very close to them and trust them, they are all very unthreatening.

I find it almost impossible to befirend new male freinds, I just dont trust men basically and have this fear in the back of my mind.I have many female freinds and enjoy the company of women more.

I am trying though, I'm going to SA meets and gradually learning to trust males, I'm talking to a few on messenger too and that is helping.

maybe do that freind?

I feel the same way towards women. I'm afraid of verbal abuse, especially when women are in groups. And of course, I want their approval because I am heterosexual.

Anonymous said:

I feel the same way towards women. I'm afraid of verbal abuse, especially when women are in groups. And of course, I want their approval because I am heterosexual.

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likewise, women fascinate yet intimidate me. Nothing puts me in my place better than a dissaproving look of disgust from a female. Dont know why, but its not like women are in my every day life so its not something I have to worry about often.

Me thinks fear of the opposite sex is common for people with SP

sorry cant offer any advice on the matter

Horatio said:

Me thinks fear of the opposite sex is common for people with SP

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Most of my SA women freinds fear other women.

Thankfully i dont suffer from....er..what shall we call this...gender fear??...so I cant really understand it, why do you fear one gender more than the other, I can see Remus's point. I'd like to understand this a little more so if anyone can give me an insight it will hopefully give me some understanding of it.

So, are you saying its like a sexual attraction thing?...Damn i cant think how to word this. Ok, what if the other person was really not your type, would it freak you out so much then, worrydoll?

Remus said:

Horatio said:

Me thinks fear of the opposite sex is common for people with SP

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Most of my SA women freinds fear other women.

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Maybe I should explain more:

They feel threatened by other women because of bitchy bullying they suffered in the past from other women. Most of my Female SA freinds find it easier to be freinds with men because of this, men dont tend to have 'bitchy' issues with each other or women.

I'm abit like worrydoll, if someone is attracted to me I often run a mile as I find it scarey!

Remus said:

I'm abit like worrydoll, if someone is attracted to me I often run a mile as I find it scarey!

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Im yet to meet someone who is attracted to me so I dont know how I would react =P

RonW said:

You know, I guess I'm not used to reading posts from women who are afraid to talk to men. And while I can't speak for all men, I can give you a couple of pointers to look for when you are scouting.

1. How is the man around animals and children? Here is a situation where you can observe how well he does when he is in authority..does he show kindness, patience, and respect? Or is he in the 'other' category. Basically, you want to know how protective he is...or do you see cruelty. Beware if its the 2nd item.

2. How is he around his parents? If he's respectful of them or 'other'.

3. How responsible is he in general? Mainly, how does he prioritize his life...if he works, is he doing his best while at work? Or does he complain about the employer/employment, saying things like 'F" this job ect...(you get the idea) Does he live on his own? And if so, does he pay his rent on time.

Im not a John Gray...but I do think those 3 things might be important when trying to decide if a man is 'safe' enough for you. That is very important.

Good Luck!!!! RW

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wow Ron, very practical and well written advice!

me just waiting for a female to write the equivilant for guys scared of girls! haha

fgjh

Being terrified of WOMEN!!!!!

What makes people so frightened of something (or someone) they want so badly???

I see it in his (my shy guys eyes) i see the petrified look on his face when he looks at me..or when i stand close to him, yet he doesnt stop looking at me or hanging around me, he knows where i am pretty much at all times.

What is it that makes a man so completely horrified of a girl he's attracted to????

8O

A lot of things. Predominantly that he thinks she's too good for him and will look down on him, treat him like garbage and {publicly?} humiliate him. He desperate yearns for attention and love but he feels it's so terrible difficult to get from a girl who's nice and cute. For he's thinking of all kinds of errors he'll make, all kinds of reasons why she'd turn him down and that makes him all in all scared. If she'd said that she liked him and taken the first step that would be of incredible help^^.

Sucks being a shy male who fears nice girls :roll:.

Ugggh! That just seems too simple...just go over and tell him how you feel. Is that really all it will take??? Why am i so petrified to do that though?

WHY can't he just come up to me (INSTEAD OF JUST LOOKING) and say SOMETHING to me, anything that will let me know he wants me to do that!!!!

ALL HE EVER DOES NOW IS STARE FROM AFAR AND WATCH WHEN I COME AND GO...AND FOLLOW ME AROUND SO HE CAN STAND AROUND WHEREVER I AM.

I would give anyyyyyyything for him to just say something that would let me know he wants me to take the lead and trust me, i'd be more than happy to :roll: MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!

TooShyShy said:

Ugggh! That just seems too simple...just go over and tell him how you feel. Is that really all it will take??? Why am i so petrified to do that though?

WHY can't he just come up to me (INSTEAD OF JUST LOOKING) and say SOMETHING to me, anything that will let me know he wants me to do that!!!!

ALL HE EVER DOES NOW IS STARE FROM AFAR AND WATCH WHEN I COME AND GO...AND FOLLOW ME AROUND SO HE CAN STAND AROUND WHEREVER I AM.

I would give anyyyyyyything for him to just say something that would let me know he wants me to take the lead and trust me, i'd be more than happy to :roll: MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!

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I think I know how this guy rolls. I, and your friend would be scared shitless to talk to attractive women in fears of being incorrect about her feelings, and turned down at the spot. It really can murder one's already low self-esteem. It seems all you can do is try to isolate him and yourself, and tell him how you feel. Better yet, maybe send it in the form of an email. Try to let him know in person you sent it, so he will not think it was a faux email from someone screwing with his emotions. Just trying to give you some ideas from a shy guy's perspective! Rejection really hurts; It gives me several day's worth of overwhelming anxiety, so I cannot blame the guy for retreating in his shell!

Re: Being terrified of WOMEN!!!!!

TooShyShy said:

What is it that makes a man so completely horrified of a girl he's attracted to????

8O

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In my case it's my self-hatred. I feel extremely inadequate, weak, worthless and pathetic as a person. I can't accept myself for who I am, since I think nobody would want me.

To the guy who said he didn't understand gender fear... Well i don't know about some people but i think for me it's pretty obvious, i don't care what a guy thinks about me cause i don't want anything to do with him (i have a few friends and that's enough) girls it's obviously different...

when you mean degrading matter.. do you mean when they look at you with lust or just like your wierd etc...

i'm a guy... and do women not like it when guy stares in flirty way? or is it creepy to them...

I'm scared that once they get to know me they won't like me or find my personality unattractive(which I'm pretty sure it is). Also, I'm scared that they might like me, but I won't like them and would have to deal with telling them that. Having zero experience doesn't help. It's hard to start something you are afraid of. Even if you want to do it more than anything.