Chilling__Echo
Well-known member
i don't know if i've straight up ranted on this board yet, probably have and just don't realise it. usually i try and stay positive but this morning has just been hell over nothing! absolutely nothing. i go to class and have to ask my teacher a question (who is a grad student) and the whole class period i'm needing to ask him a really stupid question and i'm telling myself that i shouldn't i'm going to sound retarded. the answer is obvious blah blah blah
so i ask him. and he gives me the very look i was afraid of. the look of "are you really that stupid?"
i hate it when things like that happen. it's like you know that they will, you don't know when, but then they do happen and it's like "ok, it's over, i don't have to worry about it until it happens again". like we're due for a certain amont of shit moments and we constantly wait for the next one.
i couldn't stand walking back to class. i wish i could get the thoughts out of my head! i've only felt that way about SA related thoughts and i really wish i could just erase my brain sometimes. after that normal things like people looking me in the eye on the way back to my dorm drive me insane. i can't stand it. i just want to scream at them "don't you even try and see what i'm thinking about, you wouldn't want to know, nor would you understand and you'd probably laugh at me" when i know that they don't care, they probably just got tired of looking at trees and had no where else to look.
i let something so irrational get my panties all in a wad. well anyway, sorry to add yet another rant to this board. but i had to get this out of my head. i feel like if i left it there it would start rotting, like everything else that comes with this disorder...
so i ask him. and he gives me the very look i was afraid of. the look of "are you really that stupid?"
i hate it when things like that happen. it's like you know that they will, you don't know when, but then they do happen and it's like "ok, it's over, i don't have to worry about it until it happens again". like we're due for a certain amont of shit moments and we constantly wait for the next one.
i couldn't stand walking back to class. i wish i could get the thoughts out of my head! i've only felt that way about SA related thoughts and i really wish i could just erase my brain sometimes. after that normal things like people looking me in the eye on the way back to my dorm drive me insane. i can't stand it. i just want to scream at them "don't you even try and see what i'm thinking about, you wouldn't want to know, nor would you understand and you'd probably laugh at me" when i know that they don't care, they probably just got tired of looking at trees and had no where else to look.
i let something so irrational get my panties all in a wad. well anyway, sorry to add yet another rant to this board. but i had to get this out of my head. i feel like if i left it there it would start rotting, like everything else that comes with this disorder...