Alone once again..

[Etbow23]

Hi all,

I don't expect this thread to muster many responses, but just wanted to reflect on my current situation at the university I just transferred to.

I've felt like an outsider in most school settings for the past several years, and feel it once again. I transferred from a community college to this school, which is small and private. I feel like an outsider on different levels, but in different ways than at the other schools. I think many people at this school are very wealthy/privileged, unlike other schools I have attended, and I am here on grants, scholarships, and federal money so that's the first thing. Most of the people have nice clothes and seem like the "preppy" sorts, and I have my old clothes I've been wearing the past few years, lol. I overhear conversations about people who talk about "waiting for money to come" from their parents, that sort of thing. And I am quiet and closed, and most people I see are happy, outgoing, and kind of snotty. I know I may sound judgmental, but this is just how I feel.

I also transferred here and live off campus, so I am basically alienated in that way. I also moved halfway across the country with my husband to sort of please my mother, who eventually wants to move here, so I can't just change schools. Most new events are for freshman. I don't even really want to try and get involved, though I have tried, because I just don't feel open to people. I haven't really found anyone who I have things in common with it seems, and most people my age at the school already have their friends and everything.

Does anyone else feel sad in their isolation, but not quite willing/eager to actually try and get connected? In the past I've found that people simply don't like my personality. I just don't feel the motivation. Also, I don't feel like I want to change. I've gotten so used to being alone in these sorts of situations, that I can't imagine being different. It stresses me out thinking about actually having connections with people, and yet I feel sad being isolated.

 

[Nanita]

I feel the same way. Sad in my isolation, but I don´t want to try connecting with people, I just gave up, because it´s too hard. And even if I do manage to talk to somebody once in a while, it doesn´t lead to a friendship, it just remains superficial smalltalk, and what´s the point in that, when I feel fake and nervous while doing it.
I hate how it makes me feel, observing how easy it seems to be for almost everyone else.
In university it seemed to me that everybody cared too much about being social, instead of actually being there for the classes. I was there for the classes, but felt left out because I wasn´t good at "the most important thing" , socializing.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

I think it's probably normal to feel sad when you're isolated because we're built and expected to be social creatures.
I often feel like I'm letting myself down by not trying harder to be more normal but at the same time I don't really care... because I don't trust people and the process of letting people in is both time consuming and heart breaking in the end- always.

I don't feel like I can make friends- but maybe my perception of what a friend is, is just twisted a bit?
I figured friends were people you felt connected to, who you cared about and wanted to be around alot.
Is that right or wrong?
I've always been unable to connect due to my lack of faith in humanity.
I can pretend because I like to be kind to people but anything past that-- I don't know how to handle.

 

[EitherOr]

Definitely feel the same. I graduated from my comfortable community college to a much larger school. Transferring in as a junior, and at 21, everyone's already set and settled in their social circles. The freshmen aren't quite there yet, but I'm not exactly wanting to hang out with younger folks either, as, at this school, that tends to be partying and such. I'm not one for that.

So, for now, I just go to class and leave, getting off campus as quickly as possible. I'm more comfortable that way, I suppose. I'm not exactly willing or looking to get involved. It is lonely sometimes, though.

I'm sure what will eventually happen is that I'll have one or two people in my classes I speak to, but it'll just be acquaintance small talk, as Nanita said, and nothing more. That's fine by me, I guess.

 

[Etbow23]

And even if I do manage to talk to somebody once in a while, it doesn´t lead to a friendship, it just remains superficial smalltalk, and what´s the point in that, when I feel fake and nervous while doing it.

In university it seemed to me that everybody cared too much about being social, instead of actually being there for the classes. I was there for the classes, but felt left out because I wasn´t good at "the most important thing" , socializing.

I relate a lot to this--I was surprised that this girl started talking to me one day and sat next to me. But it's always the same; they just remain small-talk acquaintances and I feel totally uncomfortable every time I'm near them.

& I also feel like I'm on campus just for classes. I'm very perfectionist about grades and a lot of times feel like if someone talks to me often, it would distract me from getting my work done.

I've always been unable to connect due to my lack of faith in humanity.

I myself not only not trust people, but also just don't like a lot of people. Today I had two bad experiences with people-the first at a volunteer thing I do where I didn't know the answer and was shy, and the second with an angry Jeep-driver. I won't get into details, but the middle finger was flashed. I find people to be so rude and self-serving. And I've decided that I'm just going to ride the bus most of the time. Not only is gas expensive, but people are so aggressive in their driving. I think their driving relates to how they are as people.

Definitely feel the same. I graduated from my comfortable community college to a much larger school. Transferring in as a junior, and at 21, everyone's already set and settled in their social circles. The freshmen aren't quite there yet, but I'm not exactly wanting to hang out with younger folks either, as, at this school, that tends to be partying and such. I'm not one for that.

So, for now, I just go to class and leave, getting off campus as quickly as possible. I'm more comfortable that way, I suppose. I'm not exactly willing or looking to get involved. It is lonely sometimes, though.

I'm sure what will eventually happen is that I'll have one or two people in my classes I speak to, but it'll just be acquaintance small talk, as Nanita said, and nothing more. That's fine by me, I guess.

I'm also 21 and transferring as a junior..I find that it's hard, esp. since a lot of the courses I took transferred as electives so I feel so behind from some of these people who like graduate at my age. I wish I could be friends w one of you guys. It just sounds like we relate so much more in our experiences. But it's so difficult to find others who are shy and have social anxiety