Anxiety: My Story

[Prestonator]

Hi everyone

I am currently trying to beat my anxiety too. I have never taken medication because i just think it is something i have to try to beat on my own.

My therapist keeps telling me that being anxious is a way i have learnt to be in situations, mainly social ones. And so because it is something i have learnt, i have to try to un-learn it in order to get over it. Unlearn my ways of thinking when i am anxious, unlearn the dis-beliefs i have in my abilities to cope with situations. He says that once i start doing these things, dealing with my anxiety will become a lot easier. He also assures me that anxiety is part of a normal and healthy life, without it, life would be so much harder; for example, anxiety is there when you cross a road - saving you if a car comes as it kicks in and you get out of the way. However, it is when you get anxious over irrational things that it becomes a problem. For example, instead of getting anxious over the content of exams, i worry about the situation: people looking at me if i need to cough, feeling sick and not being able to get out in time, the oppressive feeling of the silence. I know this is not normal anxiety. But i also know that for situations like this, most people suffer from some form of anxiety, just not to the level to which anxiety suffers may feel. In order to get through this my therapist suggests I look at the worst case scenario, and think of a way/ways in which i would deal with that, reassuring myself that i will be able to cope. That i CAN cope.

I am like you also in the early stages of getting over it. But i can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I can see the person who i really am, who is really inside me but afraid to come out. I know she is within reaching distance. The hurdles i will have to face to get there will be hard i know that, but i also know that in time it will get easier. I just have to TRY, BELIEVE in myself, try to deal with my anxiety when it starts to appear rather than letting it take over me and then trying.

I have a boyfriend who worries about me, and i also worry about my own health. This also stirs me on to make a change. I want so badly to change. I don't want to live like this for the rest of my life. Crippling anxiety is a horrible horrible thing and I feel I have suffered from it for too long (5 years).

It isn't going to be easy. But I just want to say that for anyone who suffers from anxiety, I believe you can change and get over it. I hate my anxiety and I know you will hate yours too.

Sometimes looking into the person I know I really am scares me, but this also stirs me on to change also. I know it isn't going to be easy and will take a long time to get over it, but I really want to be a person who doesn't suffer from this level of anxiety any more.

Good luck to everyone!

Amy

 

[planemo]

Hello there and welcome to the site.

Firstly you make some good points about how anxiety sufferers develop a nervous reaction to what seems rather atypical situations. I have that too, and i'm sure most on the site are the same.

For me unfortunately I've had this problem all my life and this leads to another uncertainty. i don't really have any period of time to which i can compare my current anxiety to a time when i wasn't gripped by it. i haven't really experienced "healthy" anxiety, so to me all anxiety is crippling and to be honest i'm not really sure how to get out of it.

but you're right i do hate my anxiety, and i'm still a long way off from conquering it. but i guess belief in getting better is the first step to conquering it.

 

[Prestonator]

Thanks.

All your life? That must be very hard for you...5 years is enough for me never mind my whole life. Do you mind me asking if are you getting any help for yours?

My anxiety has over the years made me suffer also from an eating disorder. I am underweight and saw a dietician a few years ago. I started to become better, but the past few months my anxiety has become worse again. I have managed to put on weight but still not enough to be healthy for someone of my age. Do you suffer from anything like this?

Getting rid of it is sooooo hard! Trying to change your mentality is very difficult when you have set ways of thinking about situations don't you think?

I think that without belief you can't get over anxiety. I just try to say to myself, 'I can deal with it' or 'I can cope', it does help a little I guess. For the long term though i know it will help much more

 

[planemo]

Yeah it's been a nightmare to be honest. My current help is only medication - which has made a big difference, coz the state i was in pre medication was very bad. Living with that anxiety for that long a time did some real damage to me. I'm glad to say that i have recovered but since it's only due to a heavy dosage of meds, it feels kinda "cosmetic", if I can use that word.

For me in terms of food it's the opposite. not so much now but in my younger days food was my only comfort in this really messed up world of mine. nowadays I don't depend on food for comfort but it did negatively effect me during my earlier years.

Oh yes changing ones thinking is very difficult. I'm just not sure how to do it tbh. The anxiety never seems to diminish over time, which is something you would expect when one becomes more familiar with the world around you.

 

[Prestonator]

Medication is something I haven't actually tried. I kind of don't want to because of the whole 'cosmetic' thing as you put it, but also because I don't really know much about it.

Well like you the effect my anxiety has on my eating is negatively affecting me too. I think that can be dangerous which ever way you go...

I think just trying to counteract your negative thoughts with positive thoughts is the key, or so my therapist says. I'm trying to do that, but its hard. :: Yeah i was hoping my anxiety would diminish, or at least not that but I will find it easier to cope in situations im afraid of now. Do you find it a bit easier to cope? Or does your anxiety still sort of override you??

 

[planemo]

medication was not something i wanted either, but my case was so bad i had to take it. with the meds yes i have achieved things that in the past i was not able to do (not on the same level as everyone else) but it has made a significant difference. But i really wish i could say the same without the aid of meds, but at this moment i can't. i still have negative thoughts and feelings, but i notice that i don't try to fight my thoughts - i sorta ignore it and don't pay as much attention to it as i used to. i still have my bad days generally but my worrying over certain things has lessened. i tend not to dwell on negative things for as long as i did in the past, and that is a huge relief for me.

Physically my meds have made a huge difference though. my body feels a lot more at ease and less tense. How has therapy been for you? Is it something worth pursuing?

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

Heyas anad welcome.

I really believe in CBT, or the concept of it (for I still need to REALLY do it; ie with a specialist in it not just by myself). Changing your thought patterns; medication, whether drugs or natural methods; with the aim to change your brain chemistry that is "wrong" due to our disorders. By genetic/environmental reasons are overactive (like your amygdala region, for controlling fear based response) and lack of serotonin production (tho many here will say and is true, that much of serotonin is produced in the gut not the brain; and diet is a big key to help anxiety/re: to this).

BUT - medication is half a step imo and no doubt has helped ppl. It's like if you've been color-blind your whole life. And you had an operation to now see in color!

But you don't "know" what red or green is... but you see in color now - you've heard/known apples are usually red. You see an apple and say hey! That's red! But the apple is actually green. You still need to learn/adapt to seeing in color. Medication doesnt give you knew knowledge. That's why I think therapy with meds is vital; not just meds alone. And by creating your core values and thoughts/perceptions through exposure/CBT/etc.

 

[Prestonator]

I think that all therapists who deal with SA patients will have suffered from some form of SA at some point in their lives. I believe that that is why they are so good at their jobs!

I haven't actually tryed CBT either, just counselling. This is my second round of counselling. I believe i was too young when i had my first round to really understand the nature of my problem.

Emu_noodles - do you take medication for your anxiety every day? I have only just started the second round of therapy. Only had two sessions with my counsellor, the third is this week actually. I do find it helps. It helps me to understand why/what causes my anxiety, i think now i understand this a bit more it might be easier to deal with. I think though that medication may be a last resort for me, i don't feel my anxiety is bad enough to take it at the moment, but when i have a bad spell where i just feel anxious all the time even at the tiniest of things, i feel medication could possibly help.

I would say therapy is useful - just to be able to talk to someone. My therapist gives me hope, hope that i can get through this. You should try it if you haven't yet.

Can i just ask....have you had to do tables of what you have eaten over a certain period of time to take to your doctor before, so he can see what you have eaten??

 

[planemo]

Yes my meds need to be taken everyday. It took a while before i started seeing results, but in the end it has made a big difference. As for therapy i have had a few sessions, but i had to cut it short because i couldn't afford both the meds and therapy. so i'm still not sure how positive it can be since i know that it will take more than just a few sessions to cure me. :: But having someone to speak to is important. Unfortunately that always comes with a price, which at this moment i'm not able to afford.

As far as the table of the eating is concerned I never had to do such a thing, maybe because i never told my psych that i have an eating problem. I had a problem with eating for comfort in the past it's not really there anymore. But if you're asking this in light of whether you should take medication, well for me it was never an issue. My psych didn't bother about how the meds and my lifestyle would merge. My case was very severe so i think she knew i had no choice with the meds. I had to take them asap.

 

[Prestonator]

I don't think i have to pay for the therapy i am getting, it is just available for any enrolled student at the university i go to. I'm glad to hear that medication has helped you. It's good you have found something that is helping your anxiety.

I feel I have improved a little, in the way of gaining weight. I still have not reached my target but am only half a stone away from it. I do worry about being able to maintaining the target weight once i reach it will my anxiety issues, but i just hope once i overcome my anxiety a bit more i will be able to.

Anxiety is such a complicated thing, sometimes i just wish i could have it extracted out of my body by an operation. But i know that isn't possible because we all suffer from some form of anxiety don't we?

 

[planemo]

Yes to live without any anxiety is impossible, but it would be nice to get only small doses of it, instead of large shipments.

I'm glad your weight gain is getting better, and i hope you reach your target weight soon.

 

[Kiwong]

Good luck with getting better Amy, or at least turning down the volume on anxiety so it doesn't rule your life.

The improvements I have made lately are due changes in diet and also learning relaxation techniques.

 

[Prestonator]

Thanks guys, I also wish you the best of luck in your recovery too.

What sort of relaxing techniques do you do Kiwong? Like breathing techinques??

 

[Kiwong]

Yes I learnt deep breathing and muscle relaxation. I also practiced mindfullness, by concentrating on the moment, what I hear an see around me, not my thoughts. It has helped.