Anyone else kept it a secret?

[Butterflies]

I've managed to keep my terrible fears a secret for most of my life. I recently expressed how I feel (to a small degree) with the person closest to me in my life. My own family didn't even know (and still don't know what I've struggled through! - guess I thought they'd think I was mad.

Just wondering if anyone else keeps there social fears a secret?

 

[replica]

Yeah I have kept mine a secret for quite sometime, mainly because I didn't know what was wrong with me. I only opened up to my mum when she started to express that she is depressed just recently.

 

[desperate]

I have too. People have seen me blush and stuff like that but I always laugh with them. And yeah, I'm just so affraid people are going to think I'm insane. I guess we all go through this. Finding this website has been a gift for me-

 

[phoenix1]

My family was so stupid and unaware. I spent my days concocting ways to die, never speaking to anyone, sometimes barely being able to get out of bed and my parents just thought I was a silly teenager with silly teenager problems...

 

[RedRibbons]

I haven't fully opened up about my fears. I've tried but I'm scared that people will be grossed out by me and think they're REAL things.. Which they aren't.

My parents think I'm fine, everyone thinks I'm fine.. Even when I try to express the things inside my mind, they think I'm fine.. And only by breaking down have they agreed to let me go to therapy, because our money situation isn't the best, and if it's not that important, then they don't want to be spending money on it, you know?

 

[flake__]

I've managed to keep my terrible fears a secret for most of my life. I recently expressed how I feel (to a small degree) with the person closest to me in my life. My own family didn't even know (and still don't know what I've struggled through! - guess I thought they'd think I was mad.

Just wondering if anyone else keeps there social fears a secret?

hey butterflies, don't worry i am in the exact same situation. My family have no idea. My mum thinks i am a very confident, outgoing person!
I have lied and lied and managed to create this personna. I feel it is easier. If i told them they would try to help and it wouldn't work.

And I am the golden girl of the family. My sister has anorexia, severe mental problems. She takes up all my mums time and energy. I make up for my sister by being normal and the 'perfect' daughter. My sister has told my mum in the past that she has been a terrible mother and that's why she has problems, so if i told my mum about my social phobia she would think this is true. I cannot tell my mum because it would break her, and she has been a really good mum. My sister caused my social phobia when she vented out her problems onto me mercilessly. But because i am the 'golden girl' in my family, my sister always tells me how i am so lucky and her life is so miserable, how i got the best deal and she got the raw end of the stick etc etc. When i have to deal with all this and silently to make up for her actions.

 

[DelGreco]

I've kept this a secret from my family as well, but they must suspect something. Since I'm comfortable and confident around them, they're confused why I can't act that way around other people. Even though I know deep down they'd probably be supportive, the last thing I want to do is add to my mom's problems, because she had such a tough time taking care of my dad before he died. I don't want to ruin the image of her proud, college-going son. So I relate a lot to you, Flake. But I think she knows something isn't right deep down. I feel somewhat guilty, somewhat ashamed, so I keep it a secret.

 

[flake__]

yeh i feel ashamed. it's funny isn't it, their illusions of us! Kind of makes you feel better, that someone has some confidence in you...but when you fail in social situations, you feel bad, cos you know it's a lie.

Are you at college now? How did you cope? I have just arrived not coping well! Mind you it is much easier to keep up the lie to my family now i am not living with them. So much less effort.

 

[Doomed2Die]

For a long time I have been asking for help from my family, I was told I'm paranoid and I think everything that one could possibly have bad, I had it (yes I know there is a word but it evades me at the time being :S). Eventually they came to understand my problem, but I never ever tell anyone else... only lately and I really fear it has scared away some so called 'friends', they don't want to hear about my own problems... as huge as they may be. I also feel like I have betrayed my own family, they care about me more than I do.

Also the weirdest thing happened the other day, I threw away the mask and told a friend about it, and while they was accepting and nice I slipped into a very heavy depression even though I harboured no negative thoughts at the time im sure this was because of my confession about SP, has this happened to anyone else?

 

[Butterflies]

I've managed to keep my terrible fears a secret for most of my life. I recently expressed how I feel (to a small degree) with the person closest to me in my life. My own family didn't even know (and still don't know what I've struggled through! - guess I thought they'd think I was mad.

Just wondering if anyone else keeps there social fears a secret?

hey butterflies, don't worry i am in the exact same situation. My family have no idea. My mum thinks i am a very confident, outgoing person!
I have lied and lied and managed to create this personna. I feel it is easier. If i told them they would try to help and it wouldn't work.

And I am the golden girl of the family. My sister has anorexia, severe mental problems. She takes up all my mums time and energy. I make up for my sister by being normal and the 'perfect' daughter. My sister has told my mum in the past that she has been a terrible mother and that's why she has problems, so if i told my mum about my social phobia she would think this is true. I cannot tell my mum because it would break her, and she has been a really good mum. My sister caused my social phobia when she vented out her problems onto me mercilessly. But because i am the 'golden girl' in my family, my sister always tells me how i am so lucky and her life is so miserable, how i got the best deal and she got the raw end of the stick etc etc. When i have to deal with all this and silently to make up for her actions.

I sooooo relate to this. I am also the "golden girl" of our family. In fact my brothers say it to my face. Because I stress so much about things -I plan everything carefully so things work out (hey that's something
positive isn't it!!) I also studied real hard because I wanted to do well. Most people think I'm confident and outgoing and "have it all together" but they don't know the pain I have suffered and how difficult it has been. You know what I mean. I am heaps better now - but there were times where I would have preferred to die that live with the pain.

--- If Only They Knew!!!

 

[Butterflies]

For a long time I have been asking for help from my family, I was told I'm paranoid and I think everything that one could possibly have bad, I had it (yes I know there is a word but it evades me at the time being :S). Eventually they came to understand my problem, but I never ever tell anyone else... only lately and I really fear it has scared away some so called 'friends', they don't want to hear about my own problems... as huge as they may be. I also feel like I have betrayed my own family, they care about me more than I do.

Also the weirdest thing happened the other day, I threw away the mask and told a friend about it, and while they was accepting and nice I slipped into a very heavy depression even though I harboured no negative thoughts at the time im sure this was because of my confession about SP, has this happened to anyone else?

I am not sure about this. With me I kept telling myself that it would just go away. I thought, "I hate this but it can't last forever. I didn't want to tell anyone because it was like I was accepting it - and I didn't want to accept it. I didn't want to admit it. By telling someone maybe we feel it is kind of a failure. But it isn't because accepting the condition and ourselves with SP is the first step to recovery. With truly personal information I shre it with the people we really care for and trust. That way we don't feel so vulnerable - people who truly care for us will be there as our supports when we need them. We can trust them through our recovery.