Anyone Feel Like Me?

[Amaranth]

I was just curious to know if anyone feels like me. I am a 23 year old female, almost 24. I've only had one boyfriend in my life (and that was a joke that only lasted a month). I've never been on a date. All of my friends are in relationships, in fact, everyone around me seems to be. I feel really naive when it comes to romance and dating, and my friends don't like to talk to me about their realationships often because they don't want me to feel bad. I just feel really left out. Actually, I wish I could turn off this part of me that desires to find a man. I know that a man will not make me happy and I must find happiness from inside..blah, blah. I realize that not everyone is meant to be in a relationship. But I also realize that it is human not to want to be alone. I'm not asking for marriage. I couldn't imagine myself married at this point in my life. All I want is to be dating, to be figuring out what kind of guy I want.

I have asked guys out before but I've been met with this indirect rejection. They don't tell me they are no interested, but they don't call me, or they make excuses.

I know that I could accomplish so much if I could just conquer this Social Anxiety Disorder. I talk to a few people, but I am generally silent due to my fear of criticism, my fear of looking stupid or foolish. Many people must think I'm aloof. Also, I'm about to graduate and I'm afraid I won't get a good job because of this weakness. When I'm in class and the professor calls on me or I get the feeling that he/she might call on me I get a panic attack where my heart feels like it's going to jump right out of my chest. What's sad is I have not always been this inhibited. I used to be outgoing as a child, but there must have been a turning point at some point during my childhood.

Anyway, I just want to know if I'm alone in feeling this way...

 

[Anonymous]

Hi, is anyone like me?? I cant stand reading long long long texts like the one above! i dont know why. it drives me crazy!!!!! Im too hyper i think, maybe i have adhd. But sorry, i just cant read such a long text! Anyone else have symptoms like me?

 

[Anonymous]

Amaranth you're definatly not alone, SP has a tendency to hold people back from acheieving certain things that they truly want, i know how you feel, like when i'm in class and i have the feeling i'm about to be called on i panick and start desperatly trying to think of something to say and then i rehearse it like a zillion times in my head so i know EXACTLY what i'm going to say so that i don't look like a totally idiot, and if the teacher calls on me i go all red, stammer and studder and get super embarrassed and feel like a complete twerp. I also have several friends who are in the situation you are right now, they want to date but are finding it completely impossible!!! and when they ask somone out and are rejected that jusy akes them even more discouraged, , but have you ever tried really asking your friends maybe to be open with you about their relationships (and i'm not meaning this to sound like you would be "intruding" in their personal life) but perhaps you could tell your friends that it doesn't make you feel bad when they discuss their relationships with you, heck it may even give you a boost to get out there a bit more, and maybe if your friends have guy other friends who are single they could invite them and then the whole group of you could go out and then perhaps you'd get more comfortable with the people and be able to be a bit more open..who knows sparks could fly and you may even find yourself on a date..i hope i helped you a bit here..but seriously DO NOT think for even one second that you are alone with these problems, millions face it, how to get over SP? i can't be sure but if you even take small "baby steps" towards the things you want it may help..

 

[Anonymous]

im 16 and i never had a boyfriend
i think its nothing
i like to stay single

 

[Anonymous]

Amaranth

To me, you sound like a fairly typical SA sufferer. I can't offer much advice but I can tell you that the are a lot of people out there going through exactly the same sort of thing that you are going through.

 

[Chilling__Echo]

i've only had one b/f and i'm still with him and i'm 19. don't worry, you're not supposed to have a tally. plus, if you're lonely, have a girls night, or go out with them. just the itty bittyiest effort to be a little social can give you alot of rewards. plus you never know when you will meet someone. at least you're trying!! you said that you've asked guys out before. don't let the rejection get you down.

 

[Amaranth]

I also have several friends who are in the situation you are right now, they want to date but are finding it completely impossible!!! and when they ask somone out and are rejected that jusy akes them even more discouraged, , but have you ever tried really asking your friends maybe to be open with you about their relationships

Thanks for the encouraging words. Is is comforting to know I am not alone. Actually, I always tell my friends they can tell me about their relationships and they do...to a certain extent. But it does hurt. I can't help but compare myself to them. Well, I have a few friends, but not a ton. I've tried the whole "do you know any good guys for me" thing and it hasn't worked. My friends haven't been able to recommend anyone.

Actually I think I need more friends. That might open some doors.

 

[Amaranth]

just the itty bittyiest effort to be a little social can give you alot of rewards. plus you never know when you will meet someone. at least you're trying!! you said that you've asked guys out before. don't let the rejection get you down.

Thanks. I need to get over this rejection thing. I know I will miss a lot if I don't. I just hate getting rejected all the time. I guess I feel like if I had just one guy I like jump at the idea of going out with me I'd feel better. I'd feel like it is actually possible. I'd have some hope.

 

[edb]

I'm a 21 year old guy and only have had one girlfriend. I know how you feel. It is near impossible for me to approach someone and start a conversation. The only way I can is if I'm drunk which isn't the healthiest way to go about it. I think I just need to go for it and learn to accept rejection. It's not like every person I talk to will reject me. I used to think that I just smelt bad, but then I bought some good cologne and deoderant so I realized that wasn't it. 8)

 

[MrMr]

I can relate to this.I'm 31 and up untill now it never bothered me not having a girlfriend,but recently it does.I used to think they weren't interested because I wasn't good looking enough.now I realise it was probably because I was quiet and aloof.I also think that because we have failed in the past,we set ourself's up for failure the next and every time.i think we need to learn to like and love ourselfs and our lifes before we can expect someone else to.we need to sort our own life and sa out first,as a relationship may only cloud our vision right now.

 

[Anonymous]

Hello Amaranth,

Snap!!....I too am nearly 23 and I have only had one boyfriend too!! I tend to look at it this way "ok so I've only had one boyfriend but so what?" I'd rather be the way I am than some bimbo that beds any guy that crosses her path (and believe me they do exist!).

Don't put yourself down, you will find a nice guy, just trust your instincts and don't worry, be proud for all you stand for, personally I'd shake your hand!! *shake*.....lol...trust me girls like us are a dying breed!!

 

[Amaranth]

Hello Amaranth,

Snap!!....I too am nearly 23 and I have only had one boyfriend too!! I tend to look at it this way "ok so I've only had one boyfriend but so what?" I'd rather be the way I am than some bimbo that beds any guy that crosses her path (and believe me they do exist!).

Don't put yourself down, you will find a nice guy, just trust your instincts and don't worry, be proud for all you stand for, personally I'd shake your hand!! *shake*.....lol...trust me girls like us are a dying breed!!

Thanks Louise82. We are definitley a dying breed! It's rough, but I will hang in there. Good things come to those who wait, right?

 

[Amaranth]

I also think that because we have failed in the past,we set ourself's up for failure the next and every time.i think we need to learn to like and love ourselfs and our lifes before we can expect someone else to.we need to sort our own life and sa out first,as a relationship may only cloud our vision right now.

I have to agree with you. Maybe once we are happy with ourselves we will attract that person of our dreams.

 

[Amaranth]

I'm a 21 year old guy and only have had one girlfriend. I know how you feel. It is near impossible for me to approach someone and start a conversation. The only way I can is if I'm drunk which isn't the healthiest way to go about it. I think I just need to go for it and learn to accept rejection. It's not like every person I talk to will reject me. I used to think that I just smelt bad, but then I bought some good cologne and deoderant so I realized that wasn't it. 8)

Yeah, it's very unhealthy, but drinking has been a temptation for me too. I feel like if I start drinking and if I do something stupid or out of character I can simply blame it on the alcohol. Luckily I haven't gone down that road because I rarely go drinking. But I fear that if things don't improve I may rely on it in the future.