Anyone married? Have kids?

[Keara]

I was wondering if anyone out there is married or has children? I have a husband and 2 small children. I am pretty much a stay at home mom and have been pretty lonely.
I thought it would be easy to find friends after having kids because its easier to meet people through playgroups etc. But making any real connections has of course been impossible for me. Because it always has been.
Getting out with the kids is a must. Or I would go crazy. But we get around other families and my kids are playing with other kids and I am the one standing around with no one to talk to. And I am from a small town that I grew up in and I know alot of people here, but just to say Hi to, no true friends. They think I am weird, I'm sure of it, because I stand around with nothing to say and when I do speak it all comes out wrong. My nervousness turns people away.
I'm 30, do these feelings of weirdness ever go away? I'm also worried about passing my social phobia on to my kids. Is anyone else dealing with any of these kinds of issues?

 

[blubs]

Hi Keara
I'm 33 & have a baby son..he's 4 months old. I'm struggling at the moment with going to the health centre with him & I don't know anyone else with a baby...so I worry about him socialising as he gets bigger. I can't imagine coping with mum& toddler groups at the moment...so I'm trying to work on my anxiety..so that I'll be able to take him.
I worry about passing on SA too...but from people I've talked to about it..everyone has said that the most important thing is for your children to feel safe & loved at home...that will give them self confidence to mix with people...so that's what I'm hoping.

 

[bashfulgirl]

I am married with 2 young kids too. Both my kids are very outgoing and have zero signs of SA-I'm always watching to see if they show any signs, so far so good. Its always on my mind tho :roll: I often am by myself too when at a park or school or wherever. I hate it but don't seem to be able to change it much. It can be a lonely job. If you ever want to email mine is [email protected].

 

[Sandy_C]

I'm 43 and have 3 grown daughters, 22, 21 and 19. When my children were growing up I found the courage to do things I could never have done before I had children. I also often felt I was standing alone while everyone else was talking, so I would try to find another person that seemed to be quiet and shy and stand with them.
My oldest daughter is a registered nurse and makes a good salary, but she has always been shy, with a little touch of social phobia and as she gets older it is getting worse. My daughters trouble seems to be in making friends and having a sincere, loving boyfriend. I am not able to hold a job because of my sp and fear of authority figures (I was also sexually and mentally abused by my father as a child) My mother rarely leaves her house and has never tried to work outside the home, and is still with my father, because she is finantially dependant on him.
I strongly encouraged all my children to be confidant and had them ask for things at stores, banks etc. to get them use to speaking to people they did not know, starting at school age.
I know this sounds harsh but unless they were in phisical danger( from bullys) I did not allow them to quit any thing. My mother always let me quit any thing that made me uncomfortable (practically everything) and so I never learned as a child that some things are uncomfortable but can be tolerated if need be and you will survive.
My other 2 daughters are more like there father and are o.k. I could never hold a job even as a teenager and never cared about grades or school because things were bad at home. For these reasons I concentrated on making sure my children did there homework, rarely missed school and got a good education. My x-husband and I taught them to work and always do a good, honest job. As teenagers with there first jobs I did not let them miss work or quit unless they had another job or school activity that was important. All my children are able to work and support themselves and all have had there own apartments and been able live on there own(something I have never been able to achieve).
I ended up rambling on more than I wanted to but I wanted the young mothers to know if you concentrate on it each generation can move ahead a little more even if they have social phobia.

 

[dzerklis]

yea having a long term relationship with Mademoiselle Social Phobia.. no kiddies, yet..

 

[styrka]

I'm 31. I'm happily married, no kids yet.
I do feel I don't have any friends though. and I feel it gets harder and harder to make real friends as you grow older.

 

[MarCPatt]

I feel the same way. It is difficult to start friendships with new people as you get older. It sucks.

 

[blue]

im 26 im not married though have a man and 2 children 3 and 5 years.
I find being a mum really isolating, i carnt do mum and toddler groups ive tried but i get so nervouse i never go back.
i take my son to the library once a week, thats been my savoir i feel o.k there. I constantly think other mums think im weird
I hate parties too, my daughter really wants one ,i dont think i could do it though.

 

[missshy]

Hi Im married with 2 children aged 1 and 5. I thought that having kids would help my s.a. It has a little, because before having children I would spend a lot of my spare time 'hiding away from the world', by sleeping or with my nose in a book! Having children hasn't allowed me to do that and I too have to get out with the kids even if it is a stroll around the block or to a shopping centre. Of course I never could survive in a playgroup and pick up time is torture but you do what you can.

 

[Keara]

I wanted to thank you all for replying to my questions, and I'm sorry it took so long to respond. I was touched by your responses and some even made me cry a little. I appreciate you all making me feel that I'm not all alone in these feelings. I was so good at first, I got a sort of powerful feeling when I was pregnant and once again felt that I was cured, even though I could barely speak to my doctor. I was good for a few years at play group, made some friends and felt things would be different. But then their kids started school, and a stuck up group invaded the play group, a bunch of rich bitches who would'nt even talk to me if I tried. Now I have one child in kindergarten, pickup time is sometimes torturous, sometimes ok. Sometimes even good, there are a couple moms I feel comfortable with. My youngest is in preschool so he can socialize without me being there. And I am going to try a new playgroup on friday. I'm sorry I am going on so much, it feels good to get this of my chest. Thanks again for the advice. I'm really touched.