are people being rude or is it just me?

[Toomuchfear]

Is it just me or is everyone so rude?! I can think of countless examples, but here are some:

I ask a woman what she's studying. She says childcare. I'm not sure what to say, I know nothing about childcare, so I say she must be quite maternal then? She says yes and there's an awkward silence. I ask her ' to name one interesting thing about yourself?" she says "nothing really". I tell her what I do, she smiles, then she goes and talks to someone else.

I tell my 'friend' that I really like this club we were in at the time, that its so different than ones I've been to before. He nods his head and looks the other way. I have told other friends about things, but they act so indifferent, that conversations are a rarity.

Everytime I try and make conversation, no one really cares. I'm sick of 'oh right' 'that's nice' 'fair enough.' People are polite to notice me, they just don't want to invest their time with me . I feel so inferior compared to everyone else who are flirting, chatting and making conversations
I know you can't change people, you can only change yourself..I just wish I knew how to really engage people despite having SA

 

[Beatrice]

Oh, I know how this feels. Story of my life. Well, and everyone else here

Sucks.

 

[mikebird]

Is it just me or is everyone so rude?! I can think of countless examples, but here are some:

I ask a woman what she's studying. She says childcare. I'm not sure what to say, I know nothing about childcare, so I say she must be quite maternal then? She says yes and there's an awkward silence. I ask her ' to name one interesting thing about yourself?" she says "nothing really". I tell her what I do, she smiles, then she goes and talks to someone else.

I tell my 'friend' that I really like this club we were in at the time, that its so different than ones I've been to before. He nods his head and looks the other way. I have told other friends about things, but they act so indifferent, that conversations are a rarity.

Everytime I try and make conversation, no one really cares. I'm sick of 'oh right' 'that's nice' 'fair enough.' People are polite to notice me, they just don't want to invest their time with me . I feel so inferior compared to everyone else who are flirting, chatting and making conversations
I know you can't change people, you can only change yourself..I just wish I knew how to really engage people despite having SA

I completely agree with what you say! The way I try to come up with something to say to strangers, or somebody I used to know; I get a bad reaction - it's a way for them to give up on me and turn their back, while I am trying to make some effort! Every girlfriend became like that. I see these people as: stupid, lazy, immature and unintelligent, and that I am the opposite of all those words. My humour used to set people into laughter - positively - sarcasm, satire. I used to entertain a room. Why not now? I know I'm doing it wrong - I'm negative. What now?

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

Maybe you're not asking your question with enough confidence.. if you talk a little louder, clearer, more smiley, you can get a better response then talking like a stiff person with no emotion really in the face.. it's a lot of work although some people are impossible to please to pretty much everyone so don't worry about it

 

[MrJones]

It's very hard to start a conversation with anxiety, plus my experience in real, long conversation tends to zero, so it's impossible to me to know what are people's usual interests. Yes, maybe the "tell me one interesting thing about you" wasn't very appropiate to someone you just met but my question is, why we're the ones who have to start to talk? They're supposed to be the "normal people", the ones who can talk to someone else without worrying about it.

I tell my 'friend' that I really like this club we were in at the time, that its so different than ones I've been to before. He nods his head and looks the other way. I have told other friends about things, but they act so indifferent, that conversations are a rarity.

Here, you tried to have a normal conversation with your friend but he refused. WHY? I don't know, but this happens a lot to me. Everytime I try to start a conversation with someone I know (I'm too shy to talk to strangers, my mother was very happy about it when I was a kid ) they just stares at me and responds with monosyllables and indifference. But the worst part is when they say "you're very quiet....". What?? I was trying to talk to you and you said nothing! Come on, I don't understand people.

 

[MsBuzzkillington]

I don't think these people are being rude at all.

For one thing, if someone tries to make conversation with you and you get too nervous to really respond are you being rude or are you just nervous and don't know how to respond? A lot of times people who are really quiet are seen and snobs. People misinterpret a lack of response as a sign of being rude.

As far as the first girl goes, I would definitely be thrown off if someone asked me that question. That question isn't something that you really ask someone you are trying to make small talk with. I know it's difficult figuring out what to say, but as you are figuring people out, don't take their reactions as being rude. More often than not they are really uncomfortable too. (Lots of and lots of people have trouble socializing)

As far as the second situation with your friend, there isn't really much to say in response to your statement. It's like, yeah this club is nice.... that's that. You can't really have a conversation with it. I probably would have said something like "yeah, it is" and then kept looking around the club. He was probably there to have fun and pick up chicks, not really to have a conversation about how nice the club is.

We all have a hard time knowing what to say and how to keep conversation gong. It is difficult especially when you are nervous. However, if you think that the way people are responding to you is rude, you might be expecting too much from people. People can usually sense those things. So that might make them a little more standoffish or cause put their walls up.

Maybe just start slower, say hello how are you and ask about homework assignments or something. Or if you are asking about their decision to go with childcare, ask them what made them decide to go with that. If they aren't giving really long answers, try and just let them be. You don't really know what's going on inside their head.