Are you a gossiper?

[Josette]

I don't think I am more than anyone else, but maybe I am. Sometimes I get carried away and tell people stuff I shouldn't, and I think it's related to SA. Having gossip--having "insider information"--means, well, that you're an insider, inside the circle, part of the group. Not alone. It's like proof that you're not a social outcast.

I just now once again repeated something I shouldn't have. Not all of it or even anything specific; just the gist of it (C told me something that happened with B, and I said that "B has been complaining about that to me."). I guess I shouldn't have said anything but...the same people who accuse me of not being able to keep my mouth shut are also gossiping to me and each other all the time. I feel like there's some difference in their gossiping behavior from mine that I must just not be getting--probably because I'm a loser who doesn't get all the rules of socializing. It's like I'm trying to observe the rules of socializing and copy them, but I'm just not quite getting it right.

 

[philly2bits]

"Small people talk about people, average people talk about things, great people talk about ideas"

This sums up how I feel about gossip. Can't stand it. And when I do it I feel dirty.

 

[WantToHide]

Gossiping is mean. There's no way to deny that. But I still do it. I don't (usually) do it to be mean. I do it because I'm standing there thinking 'say something, say something', and the only thing I can think of sometimes that another person would be interested in, is gossip. I agree with Josette that knowing the gossip makes you feel like in insider, like one of the crowd, and I want to be an insider so much that I will gossip. Not that it makes me an insider, it makes me a social loser who likes to gossip

 

[pingu07]

I never liked gossiping, I think people who talk about people are low. But I had gossip in the past about this one colleague at work, I didnt wanted to, but he was a drama queen and he got everyone talking about him, it was like a weekly episode and I was just curious, but it was a mistake and I didnt enjoyed gossiping. I wont do it again.

Okay, I realise there is a difference between saying something nice or something bad.

 

[coyote]

"If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me."
- Alice Roosevelt Longworth (1884-1980)

 

[Josette]

I'm surprised that people are speaking about gossip as though its always a nasty thing - yes certainly in many cases it is, but often it isn't.
Me and my friends often 'gossip' about what people we used to study with have been doing if they've done something notable, its out of interest rather than anything else.
Gossip can be used effectively at times too, a healthy sharing of opinions about human nature.
Its only when it gets two-faced or mean that its a bad thing.

Thanks for saying this. I was beginning to think I'm evil incarnate for gossiping sometimes. Maybe people are getting the wrong idea about what I mean by gossiping? I'm not going around spreading rumors or saying nasty things about people, nothing like that.

 

[Josette]

I do it because I'm standing there thinking 'say something, say something', and the only thing I can think of sometimes that another person would be interested in, is gossip.(

Yes, exactly. I'm so terrible at small talk.

 

[Tripolar]

I'm not sure if I know exactly what gossip is. Is it the same thing as talking **** about someone and if so is there a difference between thalking **** and venting? Or is gossip when more than one person sits around and talks about other peoples lives and pass unjustified judgements.

I think maybe its the latter and I can't stand that. But I do vent about people to others from time to time and then end up feeling awful for saying the things I say, out loud, to someone other than the person I'm talking about.

I would much prefer to confront the person directly but I become overly aggressive in confrontational situations and so I resort to "venting" to others when someone makes me mad at work so i don't lose my job.

 

[kihira]

"Small people talk about people, average people talk about things, great people talk about ideas"

This sums up how I feel about gossip. Can't stand it. And when I do it I feel dirty.

I like this, it partly explains why I'm not comfortable at work breaks

 

[Sprunk]

I guess i gossip at work to a degree,though if someone has told me something in confidence i would never repeat it.Even if i don't really like the person.So at work people generally trust me(which means i find out everything ).

 

[N0D]

No not at all, I tend to hear it all though (which I find more then a little entertaining) because everyone in my family knows that I don't ever gossip and can keep a secret. They have something that they just want to tell another human but they don't really want anyone to know. Also, although I do judge people a lot, I always keep it to myself and act like I've heard it all before and nothing shocks me. They also tend to think I give good advice although I would highly disagree with this based on the fact that I don't give any advice other then my avatar which is "chill out dude" or something less formal depending who I'm talking to.

Now to respond to the OP, when you say you think there's a difference, maybe you promised not to say anything? Some people take promises rather seriously, and the stuff they gossip about they never promised not to or something. Or maybe not and they just have no self awareness that they are mad at you for something they do all the time.

 

[Bittersweet]

No not at all, I tend to hear it all though (which I find more then a little entertaining) because everyone in my family knows that I don't ever gossip and can keep a secret. They have something that they just want to tell another human but they don't really want anyone to know. Also, although I do judge people a lot, I always keep it to myself and act like I've heard it all before and nothing shocks me.

Lately I have been trying to break the habit and this is a good goal to aspire to.

 

[Richey]

i am against gossiping and usually turn my nose up when people do it at work, whether its about other co-workers, facebook friends, family members or celebrities. I find it to be the lowest end of the interaction ladder. Its scummy and irrelevant and it makes the gossiper come off as very judgemental and desperate that they can't fathom to think of anything else to say so they feel the need to fill the air with venomous gossip, even if its harmless or fun, I don't like it, its just like some high school clique gossiping about other cliqes, it reminds me of that.

tell me a joke, say something funny, talk about things or objects or science, philosophy, music, sport, news, tv/movie references, be silly and nice, thats all fine.

the worst is when you over hear a mothers group meeting at a cafe gossiping about the someone "who isn't with them at the table" just for kicks when clearly they have nothing better to do then to waste life away gossiping about meaningless tripe, sometimes it about which sibling is better, disgusting. Yeah ok maybe i'm being a bit harsh, i just usually find it offensive when i sit with people and they start gossiping in a really superficial and scathing manner, which happens all the time. I usually point out to the person that i don't agree with it or i just ignore it completely.

i am probably the least superficial and judgemental person you will meet, almost never gossip, maybe i should more often just to make more friends, because people seem to love gossip. I suppose I should summarise that its the mean gossip i don't like and more often then not I hear very judgemental gossiping and its usually about very little nit picking of other people in an "i'm better then that person" sort of way, its different if someone does something really worthy and bad then maybe its understandable that the sunject will brought up.

there you are, that's my thoughts.

 

[Richey]

I guess i gossip at work to a degree,though if someone has told me something in confidence i would never repeat it.Even if i don't really like the person.So at work people generally trust me(which means i find out everything ).

most people seem to be like this, i just don't care, its their business not mine, i don't need to know about it even if i was best friends i'd resist gossip, i prefer to talk about things external to people and what they are up to, by that i don't mean not being interested in what they do but i have no desire to know about flaws or bad situations, quircks that people tend to gossip about. as i said, say a joke or tell a story, be fun and silly but gossip I always find it off putting.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

Nope.
Never have been.
I have a few friends who like to gossip about things-- which is probably why I don't bother telling them any of my own personal information, because I know if I were to tell them, everyone and their grandma would know.
Gossip is terrible. Doesn't help anyone.

 

[Kiwong]

I try no to to gossip because I know how wrong and hurtful it can be.

 

[commenter39]

"Small people talk about people, average people talk about things, great people talk about ideas"

This sums up how I feel about gossip. Can't stand it. And when I do it I feel dirty.

Come on, it s just a cliche some people made up in order to feel themselves important