Are you romantically Submissive or more Dominant?

[Orion's Hound]

For the sake of abiding by forum rules, I will avoid going into details but suffice to say it includes but is not limited to kissing, cuddling, sexuality, and the like (need not include sexuality, though). Mind you I am referring to purely in these terms of with a mate and not referring to everyday life - I know some tend to be quite dominant and in control in the work place but prefer the opposite with a mate. For those who have never experienced it, feel free to cast based on how your fantasies play out concerning it.

I ask because I am fascinated by how this might be affected by SA. On the one hand I would suspect more submissiveness but, on the other hand, some SA types maybe terrified of being out of control. Feel free to share why and explain yourself (within reason).

In love and affection, do you prefer to be in control and acting (ie classically Dominant) or do you prefer to be out of control and reactive (ie classically Submissive)?

Edit: I would like to keep it civil and judgement free as well as within the confines of forum rules, if you could. Even if you believe women or men should be one or the other, I would appreciate your respecting disagreement on this front, gracefully. My intention isn't to hurt feelings, just sate curiosity. Thank you for your cooperation on this matter.

 

[Nathália]

For the most part I am submissive. How I show my affection is by doing things from the heart, I don't even think about it.

Although I don't want someone controlling me to do it. If I am going to do something for someone it's on my own will and not because they say so.

If someone pushed me to do things and thought it was my role to be that way as a woman then I would act the opposite way.

I am submissive but part of me is dominate, I have a brain and I like to use it instead of being someones slave/robot.

Many people have both traits somewhat but I am an (S) 80% of the time.

 

[Lea]

Nothing of the two, I believe in friendship, that means equality.

 

[ilovenoodles]

If i'm myself i can be more dominant and sometimes equal. I don't want anyone to control me. But when i get anxious i'm submissive against my will. The only moments when i'm submissive are in some kind of sexual fantasy.

 

[Scenic]

I'm more submissive, I suppose. My partner is also submissive, though, which means I usually switch back and forth.

 

[this_portrait]

Mostly submissive, I would say. I'm not typically one to initiate physical, romantic moves unless I'm a lot more comfortable around someone.

 

[powerfulthoughts]

Nothing of the two, I believe in friendship, that means equality.

This. Sums it up nicely.

 

[Lexington]

I'm more submissive, I suppose. My partner is also submissive, though, which means I usually switch back and forth.

Dominant? Never.
Submissive? Too extreme a word.
Flexible. Have to gently lead of course. Otherwise nothing much is gonna happen!

 

[da_illest101]

I always thought I was more submissive, but I realized that it always depend of the context so i'm a switch

 

[Kiwong]

Submissive sexually, backwards emotionally. I'll never make the first move, and if someone moves on me I will shrink away and hide. That is why I've never had a relationship. Uncomfortable, complicated feelings I am happy to leave behind.

 

[Kinetik]

I'm not dominant, but I'm certainly far more assertive than I used to be. I try to have my own path and I make it a point to tell, rather than ask, in at least a certain number of situations. For example, with my fiancee I will quite often say "let's do this... " instead of loosely throwing out ideas. I notice it can be quite refreshing to be direct in that regard.

 

[BlueDays]

Nothing of the two, I believe in friendship, that means equality.

^This!


Either partner being too dominant or too submissive is a recipe for disaster in the long run, (just my opinion).

 

[KiaKaha]

Firstly I appreciate your opening post - finely articulated, respectful and courteous. Well said.

To answer - mostly I am reactive, but there are perhaps elements of both. Mostly I try not to overstep my bounds nor make any inappropriate moves, I am also terrified of hurting a potential love interests feelings (as well as making myself look foolish in front of her)... this tends to make me a little cautious, overly polite and perhaps even a bit offstandish.

I am not dominant by nature, but if I feel confident that my actions may be approved I can take more of a dominant role. Sexually, funnily enough - I tend to be more dominant and take control (although still in a respectful way) I adore touch, but only if it feels mutually acceptable.

Hope that makes sense..

 

[MrJones]

I'm romantically... nothing. I can't be romantically anything if no one wants to be with me romantically ::

 

[Remus]

I'm bossy, so I'd say that's dominant, depends on the relationship though.

 

[WhereisMonika]

50/50 for me

 

[Iluv]

Romance is not my thing to begin with so I'll just go along with it so I picked submissive. I don't like taking control because when I do all hell flies loose. I'm not bossy, I'm just well... me.

 

[Kiwong]

To get in a relationships I am certain I would be a disaster, and be made aware of more of my limitations and those of my partner. I don't want to be emotionally hurt anymore, or hurt anyone else. I have come to a comfortable space with my own limitations and failings. I don't feel the need to share these with anyone else.

 

[Barry1979]

I don't think I have a romantic bone in my body, lol.

 

[Orion's Hound]

Thanks all for responding. I was rather curious about this but suspected it might lean more towards submissive since there is nothing quite as scary as taking the lead and sticking your neck out only to feel the cold bite of the social stigma axe coming down on it. I never answered myself but I tend to be more submissive romantically, since I exert stringent control in my everyday life. Not sure why it would be opposite but it is interesting to think about.