Avoiding attractive men

InDeepshit

Well-known member
Whenever i find a man attractive (in looks, personality or intellect), i freak out and i'm super self conscious... i haven't had a serious boyfriend in a while, and i've noticed almost everyone my age is in a relationship or dating. I need to get in the game soon or i'll miss out! And the thing is, if i can't act myself around someone i find attractive, i'm afraid i will choose anyone who chooses me, but i don't want it to get to that. How did everyone here meet their partners with their AVPD?
 

Thelema

Well-known member
"Even if you really cannot think of anything to initiate a conversation with a girl, whatever you do, don't break the 3s rule! Act in 3 seconds nevertheless, even if you have no idea, how to continue. If you act in 3 seconds, she will notice it, no matter where she just popped in from or where you popped in from or how you happened to pass each other by in a given geographical location. She will see the spontaneity in your approach and it will work in your favour. If however you wait and hesitate and then decide to approach, you are in a decidedly weaker situation.

If you just arrived and accessed her in 3 seconds, she will know it was spontaneous because she noticed you arrive whether she wanted to or not - you were a change in a static environment. Or if she just arrived and you accessed her in 3 seconds, she will recognise the spontaneity of it again, because you couldn't have accessed her before - she simply had not yet arrived. If however you just pop out of nowhere - she didn't see you arrive neither did she just arrive and the only change in a static environment was you accessing her - you just might set off her stalker alarm. Who knows, how long you've been following her or watching her in secret or gobbling her up with your eyes. Spooky! Argh, get away you freak! So the only way to avoid a situation like that is to use the 3s rule. Besides not setting off any alarms of her because of the obvious spontaneity of your approach, you are also doing yourself a favour. In three seconds, you have no time to become sweaty, trembling, stuttering - to acquire all the sure-fire signs of an AFC lacking any confidence, substance or consequence, a failure with women and life in general, a complete repellent of beautiful girls. So even if you start sweating, stuttering and trembling while talking to you, you weren't that way when you initiated contact - you just didn't have the time for that. And it's the first impression that counts. And if that first impression of you was that of a confident and spontaneous man, her feelings for you were positive from the star, which in turns greatly the diminishes the chances of you turning into a plateful of jelly while having a conversation with her.

The 3 seconds rule of course is not an absolute - you may simply not have noticed her, while not specifically being tied up with something that might have stopped you from approaching her, or while still noticing her, you might have been busy with something (or somebody:). The three seconds start counting from the moment you have spotted her AND are free to approach. But when these two conditions are met, you really don't have the time to ponder, whether or not SHE noticed that you didn't approach her because you were either too busy or simply oblivious - the clock is ticking, so move it!

ASF: "The worst part of not using the 3s rule is when the girl sees you hesitating."

ASF: "When approaching these chicks, I used Mystery's 3 second rule approach (which I rely on heavily) and tried to pick out something about them to comment on. It could be a book, something they are wearing, questions about something that they MAY (not necessarily DO) have knowledge on, something we have in common, whatever."
"

http://www.pickupguide.com/LAYGUIDE/3seconds.htm

Works for guys trying to get over the fear of talking to girls, probably would work for you too :D
 

The_9th_passenger

Well-known member
I used to do the same too... but now when i like a girl in a special way i force myself to aproach her and talk to her. The problem is... they never want me! I even fear of being too much daring, cause most of the girls i approach have already boyfriend/husband so...
Anyway, whenever i meet an attractive girl, i tend very much to ignore her cause i believe i could never attract her or be of any interest to her. So i avoid her in an attempt of avoiding suffering.
It's very sad, isn't it? Always thinking i'm not good enough... :(
 

jaim38

Well-known member
Yeah I have the same problem. I avoid attractive guys, including sitting next to them. If they sit next to me, I kind of freak out but I just put on a poker face.

I don't want to date them or anything. I just want to be able to act normal in front of attractive people. I have in class presentations coming up and I'm already nervous what people will think of me.
 

Kiwong

Well-known member
I was booking into a hotel last year serviced by two drop dead gorgeous girls in jump suits. They made me nervous. Somehow I got my motel key without making a fool of myself.
 

Nooms

Member
I have the exact same problem, I can't even make eye contact that isn't awkward with a boy I find attractive. Even if he says "hi" or says a funny joke or asks me a simple question I will answer silently or just ignore him. I always avoid boys, and even my body language is closed off. All of this, I think, makes me look like a ****, when I'm screaming inside "nooooooooo!" I'm 16 and have never had a serious boyfriend, I made out with a 16 year old when I was 11 because he was weird and I didn't know that but I think that's as close as I'll ever get to a boy again.

Please realise that you are only 16 and you still have many years ahead of you in which you can grow, in which you will maybe/probably/(hopefully) get a tadbit more comfortable with your situation. Also, I've had many friends in high school who also did not get that involved in relationships yet, and they were perfectly comfortable talking to guys. Not every person gets into tons of relationships when they're teenagers, for some it takes some more time to get to that next step :)
 

Flanscho

Well-known member
i've noticed almost everyone my age is in a relationship or dating.

Met my partner on a dating site.

Are you sure you don't just want a partner "because almost everyone else has one"? It might just end up in odd romantic conversations, such as in:

You: I love you!
Him: I love you too. Why do you love me?
You: Because now I got a partner too, like everybody else my age!
Him: ....
 

jellzzz

Well-known member
i actually met my boyfriend on the internet. not on a dating site or anything, wut on a comunity site for people who love writting. we have chatted for 3 months before i met him in real life, and that was actually realy helpfull. i already knew him pretty well when i got to meet him in real life, and that did made it a lot easier. ofcourse i was stil very scared en shy, and i was so afraid that it hurt. but that didn't matter. i found out that, because we already knew each other, we had things to talk about. and he also is a realy shy guy, and i felt as if he was the first one who realy understands me.

now we are in a relationship of a year, and we have a few realy hard problems, mostly because my APvD, and also because its the only social contact in my life.
but the most important is: i love him, and he loves me.

sorry for my bad englisch
 

Memyself

New member
I try avoiding attractive men at any cost and If I can't , there is absolutely no eye-contact from my side :kickingmyself:
 

jaim38

Well-known member
I am nervous around attractive men too, but I try so hard to hide it. For example if I have to look at the direction of the attractive guy, I will force myself to look even though my mind is screaming don't look! I just don't want people to notice, because they will say things like, "she has a crush on that guy" and then the guy will say "ewww, I don't like her" and then I'll be embarassed as f*ck.

This might explain why I'm more comfortable around geeky, asexual men. My goal is to become comfortable around all types of men, both attractive and unattractive ones. I The hardest part is how to act normally and not come off as flirty or shy.
 
Well...Lets think about this by the numbers. Who do you want to be and who do you want to be with. If you want someone smart, put your smart foot forward. If you want someone impulsive, approach impulsively. If you act unlike yourself, you will get someone incomparable with you. Please remember that okay?
 

MikeyC

Well-known member
I just don't want people to notice, because they will say things like, "she has a crush on that guy" and then the guy will say "ewww, I don't like her" and then I'll be embarassed as f*ck.
If a guy says things like that within earshot of you, he's not worth a cent. :no:
 

Fighter86

Well-known member
Yeah I have the same problem. I avoid attractive guys, including sitting next to them. If they sit next to me, I kind of freak out but I just put on a poker face.

I don't want to date them or anything. I just want to be able to act normal in front of attractive people.


Same here, I feel uncomfortable around attractive people, not just men but ladies as well.
 

Zaki

Well-known member
Well...be thankful you don't have it as bad as me. I avoid men altogether as much as I possibly can. I find them terrifying. I try to avoid making eye contact with guys at all costs. I wish none of them ever looked my way. There are only three men I feel somewhat safe around and they are all relatives. God, I'm a freaking basket case.
 
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