being pwhat are the biggest problems that youve encountered?
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2QuietForThem
Well-known member
Definitely, it’s talking. Trying to hard to say something and hoping that it’s coming out right. Then afterwards, critiquing myself and finding the many things I said wrong. Today, there was a lady on the elevator I wanted to speak with about the lousy parking situation. I just couldn’t get the words to say something. I hate this!
ShyBeliever
Well-known member
Well. I have no problems in talking. I dont really understand what´s wrong with me. I can smile and can say nice and intelligent things. Sometimes (rarely) I note that people are fascinated hearing me talking. Some people even say that i´m a goodlooking and a decent guy. But what i can´t really do is to create intimacy around ppl. It seems ppl want to talk to me but are affraid to do that. I dont understand!! I need to be close to someone and to love someone but ppl just dont let me do that. Maybe because i´m a shy guy that daydreams i don´t know. Damn, life´s so hard!!!
coolguy2005
Well-known member
hi shy,
"people don't let me do that"
You control your own destiny. You are responsible for your actions, thoughts, and feelings, and not people around you.
Focus on how much benefit talking can be for you->the ability to learn new things and improve your social confidence.
If you really have trouble talking, ask yourself why? I am sure you can come up with a few reasons. If for example, you're worried about not understanding the other person, then work on your listening skills. If you're worried that he will criticize you when you talk, remember that it is what YOU think is matters: change your thinking to->he will love every word of what I say. Do you understand? Focus on your solutions.
"people don't let me do that"
You control your own destiny. You are responsible for your actions, thoughts, and feelings, and not people around you.
Focus on how much benefit talking can be for you->the ability to learn new things and improve your social confidence.
If you really have trouble talking, ask yourself why? I am sure you can come up with a few reasons. If for example, you're worried about not understanding the other person, then work on your listening skills. If you're worried that he will criticize you when you talk, remember that it is what YOU think is matters: change your thinking to->he will love every word of what I say. Do you understand? Focus on your solutions.
triceratops
Well-known member
I don't think talking is that much of a problem when i'm with mates, family or people I know then i'm fine and can talk for ever. It's just being in everyday situations when i'm on my own I seem to fall to pieces.
ShyBeliever
Well-known member
Hey coolguy. Thanks for your advice. It can be really helpful for me.
coolguy2005
Well-known member
scyth said:
Scyth, you need to search for an active solution to your problem. Ask yourself what can I do to make myself a great talker? Let your imagination guide you.
coolguy2005
Well-known member
No problem shy. Your name tells me that you are problem oriented, not solution oriented. I'm not attacking you, I'm just helping you. What I would like you to do is to change your way of thinking. I would even suggest getting a new name which is more positive.
Words may be words, but they have a powerful impact on the way you think, feel, act, and behave.
Search for your solutions, even when it may not seem possible to do. In fact, there is always a solution hidden somewhere.
Words may be words, but they have a powerful impact on the way you think, feel, act, and behave.
Search for your solutions, even when it may not seem possible to do. In fact, there is always a solution hidden somewhere.
coolguy2005
Well-known member
No problem shy. Your name tells me that you are problem oriented, not solution oriented. I'm not attacking you, I'm just helping you. What I would like you to do is to change your way of thinking. I would even suggest getting a new name which is more positive.
Words may be words, but they have a powerful impact on the way you think, feel, act, and behave.
Search for your solutions, even when it may not seem possible to do. In fact, there is always a solution hidden somewhere.
Words may be words, but they have a powerful impact on the way you think, feel, act, and behave.
Search for your solutions, even when it may not seem possible to do. In fact, there is always a solution hidden somewhere.
Joszax
Active member
I can talk to others.... for about one or two minutes. Then, I usually have a period of akward silence. I don't have the most active social life and sometimes that means I don't have alot to talk about. I can sometimes be the good listener and question the person i'm talking to, but occasionally they'll either get to a situation I don't feel comfortable talking about or they want more input from me. I have friends working, but I don't hang around with them at other times. They don't ask to meet at an other time, and I don't want to impose on them. Sometimes I get the impression that they dread meeting me elsewhere and talk about me behind my back. I wouldn't totally blame them since I often criticize how stupid or pathetic some of the things I'd done are. Still, that doesn't mean I get any less depressed.
coolguy2005
Well-known member
Hi Jos,
"that means I don't have alot to talk about"
For Guys: Read the Sports section. Read up on Cars.
For Girls: Read Gossip Section.
Movies for guys and girls. General news for guys and girls.
"They don't ask to meet at an other time, and I don't want to impose on them."
Don't wait for them to ask you. Ask them yourself. Proactivity. Don't think of it as imposing. Maybe they find you an interesting person and want you to ask them to go out? Maybe they are too shy themselves to ask you.
"Dread meetin mee..."
You have no evidence so therefore you can't say think that. If even if they said, who cares, you've got your own self-respect. Dont' think what others think of you...you are in charge of your emotions. If they talk behind your pack, they aren't meant to be your friends.
"I often cricitize how stupid or pathetic some of the things I've done"
Don't focus on that. Ask yourself: what can I do to make myself feel better about myself? Don't focus on your past...it's done. Focus on your future->it's bright, beautiful, and only imagination is the limit to what you can accomplish. But don't neglect the past completely. Find the areas in which you made 'mistakes' and find solutions so you won't repeat these 'mistakes in the future".
Best of luck!
"that means I don't have alot to talk about"
For Guys: Read the Sports section. Read up on Cars.
For Girls: Read Gossip Section.
Movies for guys and girls. General news for guys and girls.
"They don't ask to meet at an other time, and I don't want to impose on them."
Don't wait for them to ask you. Ask them yourself. Proactivity. Don't think of it as imposing. Maybe they find you an interesting person and want you to ask them to go out? Maybe they are too shy themselves to ask you.
"Dread meetin mee..."
You have no evidence so therefore you can't say think that. If even if they said, who cares, you've got your own self-respect. Dont' think what others think of you...you are in charge of your emotions. If they talk behind your pack, they aren't meant to be your friends.
"I often cricitize how stupid or pathetic some of the things I've done"
Don't focus on that. Ask yourself: what can I do to make myself feel better about myself? Don't focus on your past...it's done. Focus on your future->it's bright, beautiful, and only imagination is the limit to what you can accomplish. But don't neglect the past completely. Find the areas in which you made 'mistakes' and find solutions so you won't repeat these 'mistakes in the future".
Best of luck!
SPECTACULAR
Well-known member
Every single stupid unimportant thing.
Talking to someone (anyone), answering the phone, shouting for someone to come, delivering a speech or a presentation in college, having to read loud in the class, the inability to argue with someone i 100% know he's wrong, going to girls and tell them they look beautiful, having friends, saying "thank you" ( when i say it, i feel like i'm the only person on the planet who says it!), going to resturants to order a meal and eat like any normal creature!
i hate this phobia.
Talking to someone (anyone), answering the phone, shouting for someone to come, delivering a speech or a presentation in college, having to read loud in the class, the inability to argue with someone i 100% know he's wrong, going to girls and tell them they look beautiful, having friends, saying "thank you" ( when i say it, i feel like i'm the only person on the planet who says it!), going to resturants to order a meal and eat like any normal creature!
i hate this phobia.
coolguy2005
Well-known member
Spectacular, look for ways to improve your situation. Stop focussing on your problems. Read the post above.
ShyBeliever
Well-known member
I´ll think about that cool guy. A guy called nick posted on this forum with a post called "3 key steps to social confidence". He talks about the same ideas that you´re talking. Are you nick?
coolguy2005
Well-known member
Nope.
I read Nick's advice and am applying it to different situations. That's why I sound alot like Nick.
I read Nick's advice and am applying it to different situations. That's why I sound alot like Nick.
PhantomPod
Well-known member
I think my biggest problem is finding things to say when I'm in a group. I always feel as though I can never find an opportunity to say something because everyone else is talking. Even when I want to say something, it's like I can't find something to say that will contribute to the conversation. And in the past, it seems that whenever I say something it always falls flat, as if it's not important, and then like one person will comment on what I said then they'll go right into a different topic for 20 minutes.
To sum it up, I pretty much just think too much. Like I think too much about what appears to be petty little things, that I can't focus on finding intelligent things to say.
To sum it up, I pretty much just think too much. Like I think too much about what appears to be petty little things, that I can't focus on finding intelligent things to say.
Chilling__Echo
Well-known member
hmm probably going to school and doing presentations, talking in class.
and family functions. not being able to relate to my family
and family functions. not being able to relate to my family