Bipolar or Pure o OCD?

[ocdjoe2007]

Well guys, after reading a lot of these posts here I truly feel your pain. It is a life we did not chose and yet we make the best of it.

I have experienced all sorts of OCDs come and go and some of them still burden me. I have done everything from handwashing, pressing nails onto edges of tables, obsessing over even numbers, intrusive thoughts, touching, organizing objects, checking, seeing words in my mind when saying them, and several others.

One thing has been effecting me the last couple of years very strongly. I am sure that it has been around even earlier, but I do not remember. It has caused me much depression and anxiety.

After talking with a person, I will obsess over if I should have responded differently to him/her. I will replay the conversation several times in my head.

I tend do this mostly after an incident such as I feel a person said something and I felt it might have been directed negatively towards me. After this "conversation" or incident passes, I will obsess over if I should have responded harsher to the person. I will replay the incident so many times in my head imagining different outcomes of actions I could have taken and realize that I didn't take them, and hate myself for it. I will also develop a strong hatred for this person.

Even if the person was only joking with me or didnt mean anything by it, his contribution in starting this cycle of agonizing thoughts in my head creates this hate for him, and makes me uncomfortable around the person and avoid him/her.

The thoughts about such a specific incident, do not just burden my mind for minutes, but rather off-and-on for days and days, till another incident or situation arrises which shifts the focus of my mind.

This problem has caused me to have a strong trust issue with people, and caused me a great deal of lack of a social life. I have developed an anxiety of people and feel strong depression at times. I am unable to get along with any family members, and avoid most of them because I am afraid of judgmental comments or other such comments that will make me feel as though they are trying to challenge me and causes me to start agonizing with my thoughts about it again, ending in depression.

I also have huge mood swings, where I often just feel like utter miserable emptyness and sometimes have feelings of overconfidence.

I would really like to hear from you guys about similar experiences/habbits and please share any comments and explanations that you may have for my problem, Thanks.

 

[ocdjoe2007]

=/

wish someone would share his thoughts on my problem =(

 

[Fidgey]

Hi ocdjoe.
The way you have written down your problem has been extremely helpful to myself and even inspired me to join the forum which I have read on and off for some years now. At this stage of my life I have SAD which heightened from initial OCD. At this stage of my life I am 23. I too had OCD from the age of 12 and I too have done everything from handwashing until my hands were red raw, making sure to avoid cracks, constant checking. I got help at around 15 when my eldest brother happened to come about an article relating to the condition with SSRIS.

After taking the prescription drug Paroxetine a lot of the symptoms went after time however what you described so well in the action of overscrutineering yourself after a conversation is as strong in me as ever. It is a constant beatup even though the tone of the conversation can be quite innocent you will find an unreasonable negative that replays over and over again until something else takes the previous place. You essentially feel weak for not responding in a certain way but the funny thing is if you had of acted that way you would still be stressing about that and picking that line of speech anyway.

I also experience the mood swings you talk of although the mania is extremely brief. Brief as in once every few months. Utterley empty depression into an upbeat tempo where everything moves at a fast beat. Everything races. Your movement becomes crisp from slow and lazy, your thoughts race, everything makes sense and then it is gone only to reappear at an unexpected time down the track.

Regarding the mania aspect you and I may share a condition. There is a name for it and the traits usually consist of OCD symptoms along with mania. Sorry but the name escapes me. When I was younger the sensation would occur more frequently when I was on the Paroxetine.

The mania does not bother me, infact I consider it a welcome change from my current depressed state but the obsessiveness over peoples conversations is my major gripe along with my SAD which could wait for another day to be explained :wink:

Best of luck ocdjoe and thankyou for articulating a problem which applies to myself and something I could not have expressed any better.

All the best
Fidgey

 

[kimmy72]

hello ocdjoe

I was diagnosed with Bipolar Type I almost 7 yrs ago.

I can say that what you shared concerning the thing with like if someone says something to you, and you think that it was said with negative intent toward you.... with Bipolar, if you have an inkling of a thought that someone has said or done something hateful against you (even if they actually werent doing it in a bad way)... that one suspicion in the mind of a Bipolar can turn into a big issue that effects us mentally, as well as physically. It sorta feeds the paranoia until we analyze it with such great detail (most of which could be entirely false)... but we feed that thought until whatever conclusion we come up with becomes truth to us. Once we believe this as the truth... we then act on that... and no one can convince us otherwise.
Analyzing (which to me would be re-playing thoughts or things said or done over and over again in my head) has become one of my major problems in dealing with Bipolar. And, as I said, it can truly cause alot of damage.

In this case if this happened with me, it would be considered a trigger..... something that would feed that massive paranoia monster in my head until something totally misunderstood would be blown out of porportion. And, yes I can guarantee that I would be thrown into a manic rage by the end of the day, if not sooner.

It is really hard to say 'yay' or 'nay' as to whether you are suffering from Bipolar, or whether it is just OCD.
I, unfortunately, suffer from Bipolar, Mild OCD, as well as severe anxiety/panic attacks.
But having that experience... the manias do make you feel high so to speak. It's as if nothing could ever get you down, and you have this unimaginable amount of energy that you often become led astray in doing crazy things.
I rapid cycle alot.... which means I can go from total bliss to extreme anger to deep depression in a matter of minutes sometimes.

But it is all different with each individual.
I would encourage you to talk to someone in order to get help, and determine whether you are indeed suffering from Bipolar. Your symptoms seem awfully familiar to me, and one that I can relate to.

Bipolar left untreated, they say, only gets worse with time.
Shamely enough, I have to admit that I do go at times without taking my meds... because I think nothing is wrong, and I can deal with it on my own. I think this is all part of the disease.

But at any rate, good luck!

take care... kimmy

 

[Fidgey]

Hi Kimmy
I think OCD Joe has left the building as in this forum of course. I saw his post and reponded to it a bit late. Just out of curiosity are you extremely sensitive to peoples moods? I tend to get manic when everyone around me is happy but all it takes is one negative person or situation to put me on a downer.

Take care

 

[arian1]

Pure OCD + Bipolar2

Whoever is reading this, I am a 42 year old male, whose symptoms popped up when I was a Junior in college.

With Pure "O", all thoughts and obsessions are in the head. Revolving negative thoughts, anxious thoughts; mine was anxiety over loss of sleep.
I starting counting the number of hours of sleep I thought I would miss a night(s) and the ramifications at work or school. I was so worried over this, that I sat in closets, bathrooms and other confined places, to try to "talk out my anxieties to myself. Once, I went thirteen days without sleep (any!) and was thrown into a hospital.

The OCD got so bad I wanted to commit suicide. Intrusive, unwanted, anxiety provoking thoughts.

Then, to boot, I was told I have Bipolar 2. I have manias (short); mainly I have depressive symptoms, lack of interest, personal hygiene in downward spiral. I used to be such a perfectionist.

THe Pure "O" is worse, but the bipolar to boot, man am I lucky.

I have had seven hospitalizations, twenty doctors, muliple medicinal toxins. I used to be a VP for a public company in SF, CA. making close to $175K at the age of 32.

Then came the OCD and bipolar. Feeling lucid and smarter than everyone else to being so depressed I could not get out of bed.
I am on seven meds that have to be taken 6 times a day. I had other cocktails which made me severelyworse and addicted. I am still addicted to one, Ambien for my sleep fears. I have not held a job for more than a few months before firings. I am on SSDI to survive.

I have had thoughts of suicide many times; I guess what held me back is a beautiful partner and a fear of God.

Can anyone realate?

arian1

 

[LeeAnne]

I too was labelled bipolar 2 and have some signs of OCD, though I am not sure.

I didn't sleep for a week once and then fell into a depressive state that spiralled down for 6 months until I was hospitalized.

I was told then my bipolar dx was wrong and that it was PTSD.

I have had some labels thrown at me since and have been fed up. I get social anxiety to a marked degree- enough so that I am underemployed and have trouble socially at work.

I worry in my head too. I have an automatic scrutiny of my voice, and thoughts that prevents me from speaking a lot. I fear meetings, confrontations to a huge degree.

My anxiety gets serious.

I also have intrusive thoughts from time to time.