dannyboy65
Well-known member
Recently I find myself alone all the time. So far its been 2 years since I had any relationship my friends never talk or want to hangout with me anymore. I used to try and see friends when I could, but I don't know now I see no point in trying anymore. When I'm at school I'm always alone and my school has 1000 people in it and no one talks to me. If they do I try to talk and they end up ignoring me and talking to someone else. I wish I was used to this but I'm not I was beaten and bullied my whole life and ignored. 2 years ago I was tested for mental illnesses and they found out I have high functioning autism and severe depression and anxiety. My whole life everyone nicknamed me retard. Then I found out I was autistic, people told me it is true your retarded everyone laughed at me for being different. I also hear voices in my head. Every time I would make an attempt on suicide they would always tell me to do it and once I tried or got scared to do it they would tell me I'm worthless. I sometimes catch myself talking to myself alot when I'm alone I talk to no one and my mom hears me sometimes and asks who I'm talking to and I have to tell her no one. I hate it because who wants to talk to me I'm insane I'm scared I'll be put somewhere because my moms taking me to a mental hospital next month. I just don't understand my mind 2 years ago after I was diagnosed I was threatened and I found something out about myself I never noticed before. When I get very angry I black out and don't know what I'm doing I don't feel anything either. I remember walking up to the guy and getting angry last thing I remember I seen 3 people on the ground curled up and one holding his throat the other laying on the ground, and I was full of adrenaline. Does anyone else have this problem? My problems got so bad with bullies I eventually tried to kill myself and after many failed attempts I just gave up and thats when drugs entered my life. I thought they would help they never did. In fact they made life a hell. I'm broke, no job, no friends, no lover, I'm gross, I can't talk to anyone. I have been clean for the past 2 months and working on smoking now I went 3 days so far without one. I just want to show people I'm not retarded or a bad guy. Sorry it was long and out of order this is my first post so it might be in the wrong area and I just signed up last night so sorry for the inconvenience....