Anonymous
Well-known member
Hey guys,
I was hoping that this was the right place to talk. I have been going around on the internet to try to find some support, but you know how it is dont you? The feeling of being rejected. I am very scared to even post here because I am so afraid that no one will even look at this post. But I have to talk, I am so tired and I really need some support. I hope someone will read this...
The thing is that I have social phobia. I have never been to a doctor but I am pretty sure that this is what is wrong with me. It started when I was young, probably about 6 years old. I was bullied at school. I had some friends, but they all stabbed me in the back and I always felt I never had anyone to talk to. I was alone most of my childhood and if you are alone and you are also being bullied and you have no one to talk to or support you you feel so bad. I learnt not to trust anyone, and I still dont trust anyone. Yes of course I had my parents and they were there, but still they werent. I never talked about what was going on or what happened in school to anyone so no one really knows. My family knows that I had hard time and I didnt have any friends. I always fell in the shadow of my syster who was also bullied. But hers was worse so I dont blame them. But my problem is still there and my heart has so many holes and my soul sometimes doesnt exist. I have pains in my soul and sometimes I feel like my heart will stop working cause I have so much pain. The pain is not physical, its only mental.
I changed school and I made some friends, but it just kept on. I was still being bullied but I thought no one cared so I didnt tell anyone. I couldnt really trust my friends and it was like everyone were stabbing me in the back, I felt so used all the time. I am always trying to please everybody, but no one appreciates it.
I decided when I left school to never let anyone hurt me. But that meant that I had to put up a wall and never let anyone in. That has hurt me more then anything else. I lost almost all contact with my friends and people really never ask me to go out with them and have fun or just to talk or chill. It hurts so much.
I guess what I am after is love. But when you are 18 noone wants only love, people are only after sex at this age. Thats not what I want. I dont think I could. I want someone to hold me and tell me it will be ok, no one will hurt me anymore but no one does. It seems like people are not interested in loving me. I guess I just have to live on like this, but I know that I need love and help. Some proffessional help. Why is life so difficult? Why does everything have to be so hard.
I hope someone here understands me, I would really like it if someone would answer me It has really helped to write this down.
Thanks you guys.
I was hoping that this was the right place to talk. I have been going around on the internet to try to find some support, but you know how it is dont you? The feeling of being rejected. I am very scared to even post here because I am so afraid that no one will even look at this post. But I have to talk, I am so tired and I really need some support. I hope someone will read this...
The thing is that I have social phobia. I have never been to a doctor but I am pretty sure that this is what is wrong with me. It started when I was young, probably about 6 years old. I was bullied at school. I had some friends, but they all stabbed me in the back and I always felt I never had anyone to talk to. I was alone most of my childhood and if you are alone and you are also being bullied and you have no one to talk to or support you you feel so bad. I learnt not to trust anyone, and I still dont trust anyone. Yes of course I had my parents and they were there, but still they werent. I never talked about what was going on or what happened in school to anyone so no one really knows. My family knows that I had hard time and I didnt have any friends. I always fell in the shadow of my syster who was also bullied. But hers was worse so I dont blame them. But my problem is still there and my heart has so many holes and my soul sometimes doesnt exist. I have pains in my soul and sometimes I feel like my heart will stop working cause I have so much pain. The pain is not physical, its only mental.
I changed school and I made some friends, but it just kept on. I was still being bullied but I thought no one cared so I didnt tell anyone. I couldnt really trust my friends and it was like everyone were stabbing me in the back, I felt so used all the time. I am always trying to please everybody, but no one appreciates it.
I decided when I left school to never let anyone hurt me. But that meant that I had to put up a wall and never let anyone in. That has hurt me more then anything else. I lost almost all contact with my friends and people really never ask me to go out with them and have fun or just to talk or chill. It hurts so much.
I guess what I am after is love. But when you are 18 noone wants only love, people are only after sex at this age. Thats not what I want. I dont think I could. I want someone to hold me and tell me it will be ok, no one will hurt me anymore but no one does. It seems like people are not interested in loving me. I guess I just have to live on like this, but I know that I need love and help. Some proffessional help. Why is life so difficult? Why does everything have to be so hard.
I hope someone here understands me, I would really like it if someone would answer me It has really helped to write this down.
Thanks you guys.