Can I talk in here?

[Anonymous]

Hey guys,
I was hoping that this was the right place to talk. I have been going around on the internet to try to find some support, but you know how it is dont you? The feeling of being rejected. I am very scared to even post here because I am so afraid that no one will even look at this post. But I have to talk, I am so tired and I really need some support. I hope someone will read this...

The thing is that I have social phobia. I have never been to a doctor but I am pretty sure that this is what is wrong with me. It started when I was young, probably about 6 years old. I was bullied at school. I had some friends, but they all stabbed me in the back and I always felt I never had anyone to talk to. I was alone most of my childhood and if you are alone and you are also being bullied and you have no one to talk to or support you you feel so bad. I learnt not to trust anyone, and I still dont trust anyone. Yes of course I had my parents and they were there, but still they werent. I never talked about what was going on or what happened in school to anyone so no one really knows. My family knows that I had hard time and I didnt have any friends. I always fell in the shadow of my syster who was also bullied. But hers was worse so I dont blame them. But my problem is still there and my heart has so many holes and my soul sometimes doesnt exist. I have pains in my soul and sometimes I feel like my heart will stop working cause I have so much pain. The pain is not physical, its only mental.

I changed school and I made some friends, but it just kept on. I was still being bullied but I thought no one cared so I didnt tell anyone. I couldnt really trust my friends and it was like everyone were stabbing me in the back, I felt so used all the time. I am always trying to please everybody, but no one appreciates it.

I decided when I left school to never let anyone hurt me. But that meant that I had to put up a wall and never let anyone in. That has hurt me more then anything else. I lost almost all contact with my friends and people really never ask me to go out with them and have fun or just to talk or chill. It hurts so much.

I guess what I am after is love. But when you are 18 noone wants only love, people are only after sex at this age. Thats not what I want. I dont think I could. I want someone to hold me and tell me it will be ok, no one will hurt me anymore but no one does. It seems like people are not interested in loving me. I guess I just have to live on like this, but I know that I need love and help. Some proffessional help. Why is life so difficult? Why does everything have to be so hard.

I hope someone here understands me, I would really like it if someone would answer me It has really helped to write this down.

Thanks you guys.

 

[Yossarian]

I'm pleased you found the courage to post here and that you found it helpful. You can always talk about whatever you want. I sorry to hear you've had such a hard time. Everyone (with a soul) needs love. I understand what you say about not letting people hurt you but if you choose a life of loneliness you'll only be hurting your self. This is why I think it's important to date people for a while, so you can get to know them and hopefully build up enough trust to eventually let them in.

There are alot of people out there looking for love. It might not sell many cars but there's nothing quite like holding someone you love and who loves you. Also I don't mean to sound patronising but alot of people put up a front when they are young to look cool. I know at that age I didn't want my mates to know I was a soppy so and so but I was. You need to start letting people get close to you. It is the only way to find what you truly desire. Easy to say I know but it's the only way.

I hope you find that someone special and remember if you ever want to post here do it. It's helped alot of people including myself.

 

[Anonymous]

Thank you so much for replying. And I think you are right and I have been trying to let people in but I guess it will take some time.

Thank you again
Stefan

 

[LilMissTragic]

Stefan, before you find love I think your going to need to try the friendship thing. I know it isn't easy but the sooner you start letting people in then the sooner you can start realising your a worthy human being and that will help you gain confidence in yourself. I also think you should try the doctor. He will be able to put you in touch with people that can help you.
Good luck

 

[Yossarian]

Wise words young lady. Also Stefan if you have a group of friends it makes it easier to meet people and the more people you meet the better the chance you will find a GF.

Hope you are well.

 

[Anonymous]

Wow, thank you so much guys. I have started to really like being in here, everone are so lovely and helpful. Thank you.

Well I will try this now. I am actually starting a new life now. I am moving to a new country and maybe I will find new friends. And then one day I will try a docktor and see if it helps.

Thanks again
Stefan