It's also hard for me to act friendly to other people. I think I'm a nice person, I don't bite, and I have no trouble being friendly to my parents. But when I'm in a public place (with lots of people), my insides start to freeze and I have difficulty breathing. I get so self-sconsious and so anxious that being friendly and chatting up with people is probably the last thing that I'll do. I remember when I was doing jury duty, the first day was particularly horrifying; with the lawyers, clerk and judge cosntantly observing us, I wasn't used to the attention so I started shaking uncontrollably. I also started looking around and gripping my hands so that I can stabilize myself. And of course, I can't smile genuinely. I must have come off as weird and crazy to people.
I come from a dysfunctional family, so I have trust and emotional issues. I've been lied to many times from time to time, and my family members aren't all people lovers, so it must be a genetic thing. That's probably why I come off as aloof and distant when itneracting with others; I can't seem to draw up the warmth and friendliness. I'm just not able to feel it for others.